💔 Grieving The Loss Of A Friend: What My Conversation with Hannah Rumsey Taught Me
I’ve walked the road of grief in many forms—most painfully, as a father. But grieving the loss of a friend has brought up emotions I wasn’t prepared for, especially when the world doesn’t seem to understand the weight of that kind of loss.
When I sat down with Hannah Rumsey, I didn’t just interview a guest. I met someone who spoke the same emotional language I had been struggling to articulate since my friend Mike passed earlier this year.
It turns out, friend grief is a unique kind of heartbreak—and one that society rarely gives us space to feel.
🧍♂️ When Your Friend Is Your Family
Mike wasn’t just someone I spent time with. He was part of my “framily”—friends who become your chosen family. We walked through life together, celebrated milestones, supported each other through losses.
And when he died, the grief hit me harder than I expected.
Not because I didn’t love him enough—but because I did. And there were no rules, no rituals, no public understanding of what to do with that pain.
Hannah felt the same when she lost her best friend Lauren in 2015. Lauren was funny, radiant, spontaneous. She cracked Hannah open emotionally at a critical point in her life.
“I was on an AM frequency, and everyone else was on FM. Until I met her.”
That line hit me in the chest. Because I’ve felt that before—that soul resonance. It’s what makes friend grief so disorienting. You didn’t just lose someone. You lost a piece of how you see yourself.
💬 When People Don’t Get It
What makes friend loss especially hard is that people don’t know how to respond.
When my daughter passed, people said all kinds of things—some helpful, some not. But at least there was an understanding that it was a significant loss.
When Mike passed, it felt quieter.
People said, “I’m sorry,” and then moved on.
Hannah shared how a coworker told her, “You probably won’t think about her one day.”
Can you imagine being in fresh grief and hearing that?
Her story reminded me that people often say dismissive things—not out of malice—but out of misunderstanding. We’ve never been taught that friendship can hold the same emotional weight as family or romance.
But it can.
🧠 We Need to Reframe What Grief Looks Like
One of the most powerful moments in our conversation was when Hannah talked about finding a letter she had written Lauren, at the bottom of a box.
Her first instinct? “She didn’t treasure it.”
But years later, she had a different thought:
“She didn’t need to reread it. Our friendship was alive and current.”
That shift stopped me in my tracks. Because it speaks to something we all wrestle with in grief: the stories we tell ourselves.
When someone dies, we often create narratives that deepen the pain. “I wasn’t enough. They forgot me. I should have done more.”
But what if we rewrote those stories?
What if we extended the same grace to ourselves that we would give to someone we love?
📱 A Moment I’ll Never Forget
During the episode, Hannah shared a surreal experience where she believes Lauren contacted her through her phone. The buzzing. The rhythm. The moment she heard “I’m still here” in her head.
I know some people may be skeptical, but I’ve had signs from my daughter. From Mike. They are just as real to me as anything I can see or touch.
And when we share these stories, we give others permission to trust their own.
✨ The Takeaway: Love Doesn’t Need Justification
The biggest lesson Hannah left me with is this:
Grief doesn’t require proof. Love doesn’t require permission.
You don’t need to explain why a friend mattered to you.
You don’t need to justify why you’re still grieving them a year—or a decade—later.
You loved them. They mattered. And the grief is proof of that love.
🗣️ If You’re Grieving a Friend Right Now…
Please hear this: Your grief is real. You are not alone.
Whether your friend died suddenly, years ago, or you lost touch before they passed—your loss deserves to be acknowledged.
There is a place for you in this conversation.
There’s space here for your story.
🤝 Connect With Hannah Rumsey
If you’re grieving the loss of a friend and want to feel seen, I can’t recommend Hannah’s work enough:
🔗 Website: https://friendsmissingfriends.com
🎙️ Podcast: Friends Missing Friends
📧 Email: friendsmissingfriends@gmail.com
📸 Instagram: @friendsmissingfriends
💌 Let’s Keep Talking
➡️ What has friend loss looked like for you?
➡️ Who do you still miss, years later?
🗨️ Comment below to share your story.
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🔁 Share this post with someone who needs to hear this.
Together, we’re building a world where every form of grief is honored—especially the ones the world tries to forget.
Stay strong,
Brian
