This blog is dedicated to my beautiful daughter, Shayna Elayne Smith, who passed from this world in June 2015.
Shayna continues to guide, inspire, push, and prod me. She has shown me signs of her continued and remains a daily presence in my life.
She is my inspiration for the work I do.
During the time when a parent has lost a child, it’s awkward for people to be around you. Our society doesn’t like grieving people. We don’t know what to say. We don’t have any good rituals or social norms- especially for the loss of a child. There are no words. There just aren’t. People have […]Keep going
Today is Monday, the first day we are going to try to get back to a full routine. Kayla has to go to her lifeguard job all day. Ty and I are going to try to get the orders out. Ann is coming to help. I manage to get myself out of bed after […]Keep going
As parents, we all worry every time our kids leave our sides that they might not come back. Yesterday I wrote about how Death stole into my house in the middle of the night to snatch my baby right out from under my watch. People are telling us how well we are doing, but […]Keep going
During these first, darkest days after the passing of a loved one, we are trying to find first, a reason and second, a way to go on. We want to die with them. We know we can’t bring them back, but maybe we can go be with them. We pray to God, “Why didn’t you take […]Keep going
The last two weeks have been hell on Earth for Ty, Kayla and myself. Moving on without our Beautiful Light at time seems like an insurmountable task, but move on we will. During this time we have done a lot of reflecting on the past 15 years. What we did right, what we did […]Keep going
I get up and do a couple of hours of therapy on Facebook and tumblr. Processing like this helps until I can get into grief counseling which won’t be for another week. My good friend who checks in on me every morning via Facebook messaging checks in. My plan is to go for a power […]Keep going
Today, the last of the family left. My brother, his wife and my mother said their good-byes and returned to their lives. Their support was great, but at some point we all have to go back to our lives. People have stopped just dropping by. This is a good thing. It’s time. We have to […]Keep going
Woke up feeling pretty good. Actually made it out of bed without crying- a first. Decided to go for a walk. Gotta get back into the routine. But, when I got downstairs, I started to work on the Tumblr I’m using to document this journey. Did Shayna send this idea to me? Shayna didn’t like to […]Keep going