Day 23- Triggers

July 17, 2015
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The triggers are everywhere. When someone is as intertwined into your life as Shayna is into mine (note the present tense), there is no way to avoid the things that make you think about her. And, I don’t want to.  I hear of people who avoid certain places, certain things, even certain foods.  Anything that […]

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Is She OK?

July 17, 2015
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This is an excerpt from a book I read. It was written by a Christian (Catholic) medium who speaks with people who have died. It brings me comfort to think of it this way.   “I frequently forward the message that our spirit people are quite all right where they are. They respond with eagerness when […]

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Are You a Purple Person?

July 16, 2015
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Purple people are creative, sensitive, artistic and sophisticated. Purple people don’t follow trends, they set them. Purple people are fiercely loyal friends. Purple people have high standards and bring out the best in the people they surround themselves with.  Purple people have deep, meaningful relationships. Purple people demand genuineness and integrity in all of their […]

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Day 22- Wednesdays Are Hard

July 16, 2015
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Today starts, as usual, with a good cry before I get out of bed. Every day I wake up and the first thing on my mind is Shayna.  That’s not a bad thing.  I lie there thinking about her until some disturbing thought hits though- like I’ll never hear her ringtone again.  Will I forget […]

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Was Shayna Meant To Be Here Long?

July 15, 2015
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When you baby is snatched away from you at 15, you start to question the whole destiny and fate thing.  While it hardly ever does any good to ask “Why?” we like to put things in order.  We want to think there is some rhyme and reason to life.  So, yeah, I’m asking “Why?” I used to […]

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Day 21- Desperately Clinging to Hope

July 15, 2015
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Today is another rough one. I thought Monday was bad. Today is worse.  I think I cried most of the day today.  I got my walk in, but didn’t have time for my workout.  I got some work done, but around 3 o’clock the world just caved in on me and I sat on the […]

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Day 21- Hyper Vigilance

July 14, 2015
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After the sudden and unexpected loss of a loved one, our nerves and emotions are raw and jumbled.  The last three weeks have been a state of confusion for me as I swing from peaceful (for a few moments), to angry, to confused, to despondent, to guilty and God knows what else. Hyper vigilance is […]

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Day 20- Prisoner #545229 Reporting for Duty

July 14, 2015
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Today is a rough one for me.  I am a morning person.  Mondays don’t particularly bother me.  The fresh start of a new day has always excited me. The solitude of getting up early invigorates me. Monday, what can I can accomplish this week? Today is an exception, like last Monday was.  Mornings are no […]

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I Don’t Know Why

July 13, 2015
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I don’t know why… I’ll never know why… I don’t have to know why… I don’t like it… I don’t have to like it… What I do have to do is make a choice about my living. What I do want to do is to accept it and go on living. The choice is mine. […]

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Day 20- Is Shayna Communicating with Me?

July 13, 2015
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I just took a 3.5 mile walk and something strange happened. First I’ll stipulate to these caveats. I am bereaved and I am not in my right mind.  I am looking for anything to help me cling to hope. I am looking for signs.  I’ve been walking/running for about 8 months now using my iPhone […]

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Day 20- She Would Have Been 15-1/2

July 13, 2015
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I fell asleep last night thinking about Shayna and how she is better off where she is and that I need to accept the spiritual relationship we now have.  There ar times when I can feel her close, but there is still that desire to hear her sweet voice, have her squish the veins in […]

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Day 19- Not Lovin’ It- The New Normal

July 13, 2015
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Every day starts, of course, with thoughts of Shayna. Sometimes they’re more happy thoughts than sad, but they almost always turn to a good cry at some point.  I’m up before Ty and Kayla this morning and just soaking in the solitude.   Ty is ready to try going to church again.  The good thing […]

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