For the last 18-½ years I have built my life, my identity , my purpose for existing around being a father and a protector.  I recall the moment I felt the mantle slip onto my shoulders. It wasn’t when Kayla was born, it was when I was strapping her car seat into the car for […]

It’s been two weeks and a day since Shayna passed.  At first I felt like I wouldn’t be able to draw another breath.  Then, it was kind of surreal.  My brain kept rejecting what I knew to be objectively true. I kept thinking she’s just on a sleepover or she’s up in her room on […]

I wake up today feeling pretty good. So good in fact that I’m a bit worried.  I haven’t cried in nearly 24 hours. Does that mean I’m OK? Does it mean I didn’t love Shayna enough?   I have been finding some amazing resources. God or the Universe, seems to be giving me what I […]

When you lose a child, it’s the worst thing any of us can imagine.  Your focus narrows.  Your care for the things of the world just drops away.  All you can think about is the loss of that child.  You will even feel you want to be with them.  I can still feel a sense […]

My friend Robert sent this to me via Facebook four days ago: I saw your girl, last night, in a dream. She seems to have found her “favorite place” in Heaven. She is the BEST Big Sister EVER to the “unwanted” children who got there way before they should have. She was running, playing, hiding, […]

It’s been exactly one week since Shayna’s Celebration. We went to the funeral home the next day so Kayla could say one more good-bye to what had been Shayna’s body. I say had been because Shayna departed that (beautiful) shell two weeks ago. We had Her body cremated and we knew this call would be […]

Today is a jumble of emotions.  My buddy who checks in with me at least once a day, usually twice, checks in first thing in the morning.  I’m feeling depressed, but I got up, got dressed and made it out the door to a breakfast meeting with a friend I haven’t seen in years.  People […]

During the time when a parent has lost a child, it’s awkward for people to be around you.  Our society doesn’t like grieving people. We don’t know what to say. We don’t have any good rituals or social norms- especially for the loss of a child. There are no words.  There just aren’t.  People have […]