I’ve been getting more signs and synchonicities than, I can keep up with. I try to journal the big ones. Today, after Tywana had done the dishes and left the house, I was doing something in the kitchen near the sink. At the bottom of the sink was a dime. In the picture, you can see the dishwater had just drained out.
My inclination is to try to find a logical, physical answer first. Finding a dime in the washing machine or the dryer is common. We leave them in our pockets, they end up in the machine, no great mystery. We typically don’t handle money around the sink though and dimes don’t fly through the air. I have no natural, physical explanation for why I found this dime there. A few weeks ago, after Tywana had gone down to her office, I was coming down the stairs and there was a dime on the landing. When Shayna passed, I heard about people finding pennies. Pennies are too common. I asked for dimes. And, we get dimes. I’ll never forget the first one. Are these apports?I report, you decide.
https://www.grief2growth.com/wp-content/uploads/2019/02/IMG_4645.jpg40323024Brian Smithhttps://grief2growth.com/wp-content/uploads/2019/03/Grief-2-Growth-logo-for-wordpress-site.jpgBrian Smith2019-02-18 08:44:312019-02-18 08:44:31Day 1335- A Dime a Dozen
Tywana’s alarm goes off. I turn to her and say “Wakey, wakey, eggs & bakey.” Why I do this, I have no idea. It’s something I would say to the girls every once in a while. I hardly ever say it to Tywana. She’s not exactly a morning people and I know my “I’m ready to get this day started.” attitude drives her nuts.
On the way to meet my friend for brunch, I note the time is 11:11. We’re meeting at 11:15. I screenshot it on my phone.
When my meal is brought, out, I reach for my silverware and there’s one of those bands around it that holds the napkin and silverware together. Printed on the band is the image above.
Shayna has dropped in on several people I know. Some are professional mediums, a few have been just ordinary people who are highly sensitive. A few weeks ago my friend, I’ll call her Carla because I did not get permission to share her personal information, started messaging me. She’s in Helping Parents Heal. We’ve come to believe our children are together on the other side. Whether they arranged our meetings on this side or our meetings on this side arranged theirs, we don’t know. Her daughter would have been a little older than Shayna. In connecting with her daughter, she began talking to the other kids also. Shayna talked back. So, she messaged me to verify some of the messages from Shayna. The most wild thing is I don’t golf anymore. I haven’t in years. The day before she sent this to me, I had commented to Tywana that when I get to heaven I’m going to do two things- play golf again and learn to play the guitar. The message opens with her asking me a question about golfing.
https://www.grief2growth.com/wp-content/uploads/2019/02/visitor-43908_1280.png1280810Brian Smithhttps://grief2growth.com/wp-content/uploads/2019/03/Grief-2-Growth-logo-for-wordpress-site.jpgBrian Smith2019-02-01 11:08:272019-02-01 11:08:27Day 1318- Just Your Ordinary Drop In
Yesterday, a mother wrote into one of the groups I run telling us about a sign she had gotten from her daughter. She was having a bad day, triggered by a memory of her daughter, and needed a fix of fast food to comfort herself. She pulled into her favorite fast food restaurant. When she goes to this restaurant, she doesn’t go inside. She does the drive-through. She pulled up the drive through and it was shut down. After the day she was having, triggered by memories of her daughter, she really didn’t want to go inside. But, she went inside. When she got inside, she saw a young man carrying a cellphone with a pink case. The very pink case her daughter had on her cellphone. It, of course, made her immediately think of her daughter. But, she could not trust it was a sign. She came to our group and posted to ask. “Is this a sign?”.
Ponder this. After the trigger that set her off, something made her think to go to her favorite fast food restaurant on the day the drive through happened to be shut down. At the time she got to the restaurant, this young man shows up with a phone, pulls it out, and it has a pink case. It’s a pink case with flowers and owls on it. What are the odds? It sounds like an unusual case to me. And a boy was carrying it. For all of us it was obvious it was a sign. She knew it was a sign. Yet, she questioned. We want signs. But, when we get them we try to rationalize them away.
I am as guilty of this as anyone. There is a house at the end of a cul-de-sac I walk twice a day every day. The house has two lights on the garage. One of the lights flickers off an on periodically. Mostly it’s on. But, sometimes, just as I’m coming up the hill to the house, it will turn off and turn back on. It doesn’t happen every day. I wondered if this was a sign. Then, I started trying to figure it out. “Is the light bulb going out?” Well, if it is, it’s been going out for weeks; and some days it’s on steady. “Are the lights on a sensor? I walk a lot of times just as the sun is coming up. Maybe it’s that in-between time that’s causing the sensor to think it’s dark/it’s light/it’s dark.” Well, it’s not always right at dawn when I walk and it’s consistently only one light that does this. It’s only the light on the right side. Finally, I’ve decided to take it as a sign and I say “Thank you, Shayna.” when it happens. I tell my story to the mother to help her have confidence in her sign.
This morning as I turn to make the climb up the hill to the house, I look up and the light is shining brightly, no signs of flickering. It’s about a minute walk from the time I make the turn until I reach the top of the hill where the house is. My eye is on the light the entire time. It looks like it’s not going to go out today. Just as I’m cresting the hill, I look at the light and I say “Good morning, sweetie. I love you.” At that moment, the light goes off for one second and right back on.
https://www.grief2growth.com/wp-content/uploads/2018/12/IMG_4484.jpg40323024Brian Smithhttps://grief2growth.com/wp-content/uploads/2019/03/Grief-2-Growth-logo-for-wordpress-site.jpgBrian Smith2018-12-19 10:36:222018-12-19 10:36:22Day 1271- Is It A Sign?
Today, I attended a mediumship demonstration by my friend Kat Baillie. For two hours, with no compensation, she sat and delivered messages to parents desperate to hear from their children in these days immediately before Christmas. When I hear people say mediums are doing the Devil’s work, I wonder if any of those people have ever met anyone doing this work or seen them work. I watched the faces of parents as they change from deep grief to even a few smiles when their children deliver messages through Kat.
One of the validations in particular stood out for me, probably because I was able to get a visual. Kat tells a mother about an image she’s getting of a picture of angel wings, not an angel, just angel wings. Kat describes it as colorful. The mother looks a little confused. Then, an expression of recognition washes over her face.
Thank you to Kat Baillie today for making reference to the Angel wings that my daughter was speaking about. On any given day, this would mean absolutely nothing to me as I don’t associate Angels with (my daughter) or see feathers routinely or anything like that. But Kat was saying it was just Angel wings (not an Angel) and there was GOLD around it. I just received this painting yesterday from a friend of my daughter’s (whom I have never met, and my daughter passed over 4 years ago!) I didn’t recall all the gold around it. It was only the second time this girl had ever contacted me so it was particularly neat that Kat picked up on this message today. By the way, no other medium has ever mentioned Angel wings so this is really significant evidence for me.
https://www.grief2growth.com/wp-content/uploads/2018/12/IMG_4467.jpg750708Brian Smithhttps://grief2growth.com/wp-content/uploads/2019/03/Grief-2-Growth-logo-for-wordpress-site.jpgBrian Smith2018-12-16 10:02:192018-12-16 10:02:19Day 1270- Evidence from Kat Baillie
This is going to be a bit complex, but try to follow along, because this is how Spirit works. Things we think are random, things we think are our own independent thoughts, are not random. They are not solely our thoughts. Things are put into our heads, prompts or nudges if you will. If we act on them, with no idea why we are doing it, magic can happen.
Today, I receive an email from Suzanne Giesemann introducing me to a woman who has written to Suzanne. This woman’s middle name is Elaine (same as Shayna’s different spelling). The woman has written Suzanne telling her a story about a painting associated with her name, which she happens to know means “Shining Light”. Suzanne forwarded the email to me saying she felt like it was a setup from Spirit. I read the email and write the woman back introducing myself to her and telling her about our Shayna Elayne whose name means Beautiful Shining Light. At the time, I kind of wonder why Suzanne feels like this is a setup. The woman shares a middle name with our daughter. But, it’s not a terribly unusual name. It is unusual that someone would know what the name means. Suzanne knows the meaning of Shayna’s name from our conversations.
It’s always nice to hear from Suzanne. And, I leave it at that. Tywana replies to the email filling in some more information. The woman got the painting that prompted the original email in Jamaica. We honeymooned in Jamaica. Interesting… The woman sent Suzanne a photo of the painting, and Suzanne pulled up a photo she had of Shayna to see if they looked anything alike. While she was looking at Shayna’s photo, Suzanne felt Shayna drop in on her. She immediately texted Ty to ask why Shayna would be talking about something that sounded like “Tweedledee” or “doodling.” When she comes back to her computer, the image of the sacred geometry that she saw when Shayna showed her the Happy Thought Bubble is up on her screen. Shayna then tells her something about one of us digging in the dirt. It’s December in Ohio. There’s not a lot of digging in the dirt going on right now, maybe in Florida where Suzanne lives. We think about it for a moment then remember that Tywana dug a flat spot in the landscaping out front so that the penguin she put out for Shayna wouldn’t fall over. The texts are going back and forth, and Suzanne asks if someone has had a thyroid issue. Kayla was recently tested for a thyroid issue (test was negative). Shayna’s dropping evidence. Suzanne asks if someone has been doodling. I’ve been using an app called Doodle and Kayla often doodles. The first two are amazing evidence. The doodling maybe not so much. Then, Suzanne asks if there is a crack in the Happy Thought Bubble. Well, no. Not that we know of. Interestingly enough about two days ago as we stood in the kitchen, the bubble was swaying back and forth. There was nothing that should have been making it move. There was no breeze. It’s December. The windows are closed. The dishwasher wasn’t running. It hangs right above our sink. We’ve never noticed it doing that before. The Happy Thought Bubble has made a lasting connection between Shayna and Suzanne. It keeps coming up.
I examine the bubble as it hangs there. It’s blown class with a pattern that kind of appears like cracks all over it. They aren’t cracks though. We’re trying to make this fit. But, there aren’t any cracks. However, as I’m looking at it, I notice how dusty it is. I take it down to dust it. Just as I take it down, Suzanne texts “Is there a small hairline crack at the top, where the string attaches?” Well, it’s in my hand now, I take a look. Again, I don’t see a crack. Then, wait… There it is, a tiny hairline crack maybe an eighth to a quarter inch long. It’s so faint, that I’m not sure if it’s a crack or just the way the light is hitting the glass. I put my thumbnail in it to feel it. It’s a crack! No one knew that crack was there. We certainly didn’t notice it and wouldn’t have noticed it. I tried to capture a picture of it, but it’s barely visible on the picture. Then, Suzanne delivers the main message: “I love you, Mommy”. The evidence is there to let us know that it’s really Shayna. The message is love.
After we text the picture of the penguin in the front yard to Suzanne, she texts us back with a picture of a penguin in her house. We find out that Suzanne loves penguins. No wonder Shayna loves to drop in on her.
Did you follow all of that? This woman we’ve never met and who had no idea we exist, had the nudge to email Suzanne with a story about a painting she found in Jamaica and later learned was associated with her middle name, Elaine. After a couple of days, she goes with the nudge and emails Suzanne. Suzanne, not knowing exactly why, copies us on the email. Shayna somehow manipulated Suzanne’s computer to bring up the image that reminds Suzanne of the Happy Thought Bubble again. We also found out is that Suzanne was just coming off of teaching a workshop. After her workshops, she takes some down time because the high energy leaves her with a bit of a spiritual hangover. She’s not looking to plug into Spirit at that time. But, Shayna wanted to get that message through. Suzanne follows the prompts, Shayna drops in some evidence saying “This is me, for sure. And I know what is going on with my family. I even know what they don’t know.” – about the crack.
Once again, we are blown away. Tywana’s crying tears of joy. For some reason, this continues to surprise us even though it happens over and over and over again.
This evening we have a Helping Parents Heal meeting. Our guest is Isabella Johnson- the Soul Reading Medium. Isabella has helped dozens of our Helping Parents Heal parents giving readings that have been off the charts good. She is certified by Mark Ireland and I was one of her test subjects for her certification. Isabella is a natural-born fourth generation medium who actually sees people in spirit. She says she sees them more clearly than she does people in bodies. She volunteered with another group last night that I sat in on. So, today, I’m seeing her for the second night in a row.
Isabella starts her presentation/demonstration by telling us about her life and what has led us to this point. I don’t know how much of this she shares publicly. And it’s a closed group. So, I’m going to respect her privacy. But, we find out that she is a Shining Light Parent, with a daughter in spirit. We find out that she has had a Near Death Experience. This makes her so much more relatable to us as we learn of her doubts before her Near Death Experience, even with the amazing abilities she was born with. She comforts parents who have been told that people sometimes have a choice as to whether they can return after their bodies have “died”. The choice offered to some NDErs tortures many parents who think their children chose to stay in “Heaven” rather than return. They are devastated thinking their children chose “death” over coming back. Isabella tells us that even though she had small children at the time, she would have chosen to stay. I’ve heard several mothers say this same thing. There is no blame for those who might choose to stay and we should not feel a whit of guilt that our child may have made that choice (and may not have). After giving us general messages of comfort and hope for about several minutes, Isabella starts in on the readings, giving us detailed messages from our children which are always “I love you. I’m so proud of you.”, etc. But, she delivers evidence with each message so we know it’s our child speaking.
When she’s bringing my friend Heather’s son through, after describing Ace to a T, she asks Heather if she found a spider. There’s a confused look for just a second, then the recognition hits her. Heather starts digging around saying “Hold on”. Heather was packing for a trip she would be taking the next day. She felt compelled to remove a brooch from a coat of her grandmother’s and put it on her purse. Heather lives in a part of California where they rarely need winter coats. So, she had to go to a storage closet to get the brooch. The brooch is… wait for it… a spider brooch (image below).
This is just one of the astounding things Isabella brought up. People are completely floored when Heather holds the spider brooch up to the screen.
For those skeptical of mediumship, as to whether it’s real or not, I challenge you to explain Suzanne’s knowledge of Tywana digging in the dirt (in Ohio in winter) or the crack in the Happy Thought Bubble. How could Isabella have any knowledge of the brooch Heather had found that very day? If you’re wondering whether synchronicities happen, think of the series of events that led to Suzanne being open enough for Shayna to drop in on Suzanne that day. Shayna knew we needed to hear from her and she found a way to get the message through.
I’ve had people tell me that mediumship is dangerous. I dare them to spend some time talking to someone like Isabella or Suzanne. They live in service to Spirit. They live to heal. When I wrote to Isabella thanking her for the messages of hope she thanked me for the opportunity because, since her NDE, just like Peter Panagore, she has dedicated her life to bringing messages of healing to people to make this journey just a little easier.
The crack is barely visible, near my finger where the string attaches
I didn’t know when I was lucky Discontented feeling bad Filled with envy For possessions other people had
I found my pride had always hurt me Fought the world to gain control Not realising I was sitting on a beach of gold
Oh lord I’m a poor man With all the riches I can hold I’m a beggar And I’m sitting on a beach of gold
The problems I encountered Gave me strength helped me sustain To know the pleasure First I had to cure the pain
When I was searching for solutions I found the answer lay in me I’m a drifter But I’m drifting on a silver sea
I didn’t have courage My life was as dark as night When alone in the darkness I saw the brightest light Let the light shine down
– Mike and the Mechanics- Beggar On A Beach of Gold
I haven’t written much lately. Today is the first day of December. Twenty days till the solstice. It’s been dark, gray, cold, rainy, snowy- you know, Ohio in the fall. I’ve been busier than a one-armed paper hanger. The part-time gig working for one of the mediums I know, preparing for the holidays at Treasured Locks, volunteering for the SoulPhone, Greater Reality Living and Helping Parents Heal, interviewing for another gig with the seminary, helping an author finish the draft of his manuscript by co-leading a focus group. It’s a lot. And this week I launched another business venture that I’ll be announcing soon.
A couple of weeks ago I was listening to a Hay House podcast by Joe Dispenza. He was talking about his book “Breaking the Habit of Being Yourself”. The talk resonated with me, and I was strongly considering buying the book and taking a genuine shot at completely changing my personality. That’s when my buddy Nico announced he was in town for a few days and invited me to lunch. I always enjoy my time with Nico. We met after Shayna’s passing when a friend introduced us because of Nico’s unique connection with Spirit. Nico went on a spiritual journey after the passing of his mother, leaving his corporate job and following his passion around the world for the last three plus years. We don’t talk sports or weather. It’s all soul talk. We think maybe we were monks together somewhere in a past life. Nico’s excited about a new program he’s about to launch to help people change their personalities (or as he might put it, ditch their personalities). He’s done it with a few people with great results. I mentioned to him that I was just about to buy Joe Dispenza’s book because it seems to line up precisely with what Nico is doing. I tell Nico how I’m suffering and I’m tired of it. He asks me if I’m ready to give it up. I am. This conversation prompts me to go ahead and buy the book- I get it on Audible and start to listen.
I’ve been listening to the book for the last couple of weeks. I’m absorbing the principles and recognizing how I’ve been sabotaging my life, feeling unworthy and subconsciously limiting myself. I continue to try and try new things, but always with the backdrop of feeling they won’t take off. I’ll continually struggle in survival mode. The book puts a new spin on the law of attraction which I’ve always wrestled with because it makes no sense to me. But, so many people I know believe in it, I keep coming back to it, trying to understand how it works. And, more importantly, how do I make it work in my life. You see, if you get “bad” stuff from the universe, you come to expect “bad” stuff. So, what does the Universe do? Give you more bad stuff? How do I break the cycle? This is the first book I’ve heard of that teaches how.
Earlier this week, as I’m absorbing the principles of the book and into the last chapters, my new business partner approaches me with a proposal. I’ve had many business partners in the past. Other than Tywana, they’ve all let me down. One has taken me for thousands of dollars. All talk grandiose plans and lose interest. As I was in my account buying the domain name for this new business, I came across the domain name I purchased for the last venture I discussed with someone. We had big plans that went nowhere. My natural inclination, the habit of being me, says this venture will be more of the same. We’ll make big plans. And, nothing will happen. I see the past repeating itself. But, here’s what’s different. I caught it. I recognized this is the habit of being me. And, I decide to think differently. This time it will be different. This partner is one of the few people I know who has more energy and ideas than I do. I’m having trouble keeping up with her in just these few early days. She’s action-oriented. Things will happen. We will make them happen. This will be different. I will go forward believing this is the manifestation of the intention I’ve been putting out since that meeting with Nico and since starting the Habit of Being Me book.
Yesterday, I finished the last chapter of the book. As the book came to a close, I reminded myself that a “self-help” book is no good if you just read it. You have to put it into action. I take some time reinforcing the principles of the book in my head, in silence, as I walk. I envision the future I want to have. I want to be out of Ohio within two years- no more winters for me. I want to get Treasured Locks to the point where it’s more healthy. I want to earn enough money to pay off a car in two years. I want to put my skills to use helping other people- and get paid for it. I put all of this out to the Universe and, as Joe instructs, I don’t tell the Universe how to deliver. It’s up to the Universe to figure out how to deliver.
As I’m affirming all of this, the thought comes that 2019 is going to be my year. I’m looking forward to many positive changes in the new year. I think 2019, that will be Shayna’s 19th birthday. Since I still have some time before my walk is over, I decide to listen to Steely Dan’s Hey Nineteen. As I pull it up on my iPhone, I notice it was released in 1980, the year I was 19. Interesting coincidence. Hey Nineteen came out when I was 19. Shayna’s 19th birthday is 2019. And, I’m declaring 2019 as my year.
I get home and I’m working on my side gig, putting together some memes for my client. I Google images for John Lennon and come across this one.
I have no idea where this exists, and I’m pretty sure I’ve never seen it before. Last night Tywana and I are watching “God Friended Me” which is a television program all about this atheist getting prompts from a social media account called “God” and then finding these amazing synchronicities. The characters talk about Strawberry Fields in Central Park which is where this memorial exists. And, the camera pans down and there it is, the same image I saw earlier in the day. These are two small synchronicities in the day. But, they are big enough for me to take notice. I call these Easter eggs or God winks. Programmers hide Easter eggs in video games as little winks to the players. I believe the more we notice and acknowledge these, the more we get.
This morning in my meditation, I work on continuing to break the habit of being me. I start my meditation with one of my favorite Mike and the Mechanics songs, Beggar On A Beach Of Gold and I resolve to stop living in the shallows and get up on that beach of gold. Joe Dispenza says when you get up from meditation, you should be different from the person who sat down. And, I am.
Are you out there now on empty Feel you’ve nothing left to give Sick of trying Have you lost the will to live?
Don’t be drowning in the shallows With the beach so near at hand Hear the voice say Stand up get up And join me on the gilded sand
Come and join me on the beach With all the riches I can hold I’ve all the riches I can hold
https://www.grief2growth.com/wp-content/uploads/2018/12/mike.jpg495500Brian Smithhttps://grief2growth.com/wp-content/uploads/2019/03/Grief-2-Growth-logo-for-wordpress-site.jpgBrian Smith2018-12-02 08:41:002018-12-02 08:41:00Day 1256- Beggar On A Beach Of Gold
There is a terribly cheesy country song from 1977 called Torn Between Two Lovers. It’s awful. Whatever you do, do not listen to it. It will stick in your head for days, and you don’t want that.
I can’t help thinking about the chorus of the song when people who have NDEs and those of us who have studied the afterlife so much express our desire to go Home. We are so often misunderstood. We can’t say it out loud because it’s considered morose. If you say you want to be with your child, people think you’re depressed; you want it all to end. Nothing could be further from the truth.
Torn between two lovers, feelin’ like a fool Lovin’ both of you is breakin’ all the rules Torn between two lovers, feelin’ like a fool Lovin’ you both is breakin’ all the rules
What prompted this particular post is a conversation I had with an HPH affiliate leader a couple of days ago. She asked me which of the presentations we have had is my favorite. That’s impossible to say. We have had some fantastic speakers and genuinely enlightening and life-changing conversations. I rattled off a couple of the high profile people we have had on, and she brought up Peter Panagore. Wow, how could I fail to mention Peter.? Peter is a guy I had heard on a podcast, and I reached out to him. The love he has for God and his fellow man is palpable in Peter’s presentations. No one we have had has expressed that love and devotion better than Peter. Peter has had two NDEs. He voluntarily came back both times, for others. The first time Peter came back for his parents because he knew the devastation they would face since his sister had disappeared a few years before. The second time was pretty recently when he came back for his grown daughter and her daughter because he knew they needed him. Peter has dedicated his life to God, literally leaving the family business to become a pastor and now a professional speaker and author about the afterlife. But, she mentioned not because his presentation was so positive. She mentioned Peter because one of her attendees who watched the video found Peter’s presentation “depressing”.
The reason she found it depressing? Peter told us he prayed every day to go back Home. Peter prayed to die. Peter remembers the beauty, the peace, the unconditional love that he experienced during his visits Home, and he wanted more. This is was what some people find depressing about what Peter said. There is an unwritten rule that says that mentally healthy and happy people want to live long lives here. To express anything different is anathema. We must cling to this world and this world only, at all costs. No other loves are allowed.
I was speaking with someone else a couple of days ago, and she was critical of parents whose children have crossed who say they want to be with their child. How could it be any other way? Being a parent never stops. Wanting to take care of your child never stops. To ask us to cut that off because our child has crossed into another realm is unrealistic. Yes, I want to be with Shayna. I also want to be with Tywana. I want to be with Kayla. I also want to see Pop again.
I was listening to a podcast a few days ago. It was “Sam Reads Near Death Experiences.” If you don’t have time to go to the NDERF site and read through the over 4,000 experiences posted there, this is a decent way to get a dose of what NDEs entail. The vast majority of NDEs are positive experiences. A small percentage of them are what we call less than positive experiences or “hellish” experiences. In this particular one, the guy had a hellish experience. The reason I bring up his experience is it came about as the result of a suicide attempt. I have to interject this, as in virtually every “hellish” experience, he was saved during the experience and came back to live a better life. Hellish experiences are not indicative of any permanent state and seem to be to teach lessons to certain people. Anyway, this dude was pissed, because when he “woke up” on the other side, he was still alive. His suicide attempt was an attempt to end his existence. He wanted to be done. As he said, he didn’t die, he was just alive somewhere else. This is not what people who long for Home want. We don’t want to end our existence, we want to move on to the next phase. We want to be reunited with those bright shining lights that were in our lives here and have gone before us.
Back when I was a Christian, I was confused about something every single person in the church had in common. They all said they believed in Heaven. They all said they thought it was a place of peace and bliss, but not a single person was ready to go. They all wanted long lives. This has always confounded me. They would express wishes of long lives for each other. If you believe heaven is a big party, isn’t wishing someone a long life a curse, not a blessing? Please, do not wish me to live to 95 or 100. I don’t want it!
Look, I know it bothers people to hear anyone say they want to “die.” I get that. But, when you realize that no one ever dies, it takes on a whole new meaning. This world is hard. So, yes, sometimes we’re ready to be done, especially if we have someone special waiting for us. But, as the young man I mentioned in the NDE earlier learned; we signed up for these assignments. Many say we basically begged to come here. I, for one, plan to complete my assignment, as I know my friend Peter Panagore does. No matter what you hear me say, I’m here for the duration. But, forgive us if our hearts are sometimes torn between the love for our friends and family here and back Home.
p.s.- I haven’t listened to the song whose title I used in many years. In fact, I really don’t like the song and I don’t know why it’s still in my iTunes library. I kept trying to come up with another title for this post, but I kept coming back to this one- Torn Between Two Lovers. I completed the post in the morning and scheduled it to post the next day. As I sat down to watch a TV show before going to bed, this caught my eye on my DVR. Look at the title of the Modern Family episode that aired on the date I wrote this post.
https://www.grief2growth.com/wp-content/uploads/2018/10/heart-1822970_640.png580640Brian Smithhttps://grief2growth.com/wp-content/uploads/2019/03/Grief-2-Growth-logo-for-wordpress-site.jpgBrian Smith2018-10-18 09:21:472018-10-18 09:21:47Day 1211- Torn Between Two Lovers
Monday night, Jamie Clark (the medium) told me that Shayna said to expect a visit from her. Today, Kayla comes for a visit for the first time in several months. So, there is a visit from Kayla. It is also the day that I am wrapping up one part-time gig and starting another. I have meetings scheduled back-to-back most of the day, one with my advertising team for Treasured Locks, one with the SoulPhone/Greater Reality Living team, one training for my new job, and finally, one with the author and the focus group that I’m co-leading. In between, I’m trying to get some work done. Weird things happen all day. The video I’m trying to render keeps failing. Not once, twice, or three times, it fails at least four. This has never happened. Finally, I have to give up and put up the raw footage. I cannot log into the account for my new gig. The password is correct, but Google, in its infinite wisdom has chosen to block me. I try every trick I know. I try Firefox, Chrome, and Safari. I clear cookies. I try from my phone. I turn wifi off and try from my phone again. I try from my iPad. I spend all afternoon Googling it. I have never seen this message from Google before, and I have at least seven different Google accounts for myself and various organizations I support. Finally, I have to give that up, too.
Kayla arrives, and we have a nice dinner with her. She wanted salmon and roasted vegetables. So, that’s what we have. I take my last meeting of the day, from nine to ten PM. We stay up with her for a while and head to bed around midnight.
Since Shayna crossed over, she loves to mess with stuff. She has temporarily disabled my computer (that cost me two days of work, and I thought I was going to have to buy a new machine). She has temporarily disabled an outlet. I was on the way to buy a new one and had called someone to replace it when I decided to try it one more time, and it started working. Tuesday, the refrigerator started making weird noises and seemed not to be cooling. I found the number to call for repair. Wednesday, the noise stopped, and it’s working fine. Today is Thursday, three days after Jamie says she’s going to visit. For the first time in months, the ceiling fan decides to do its thing. As we are about to turn off the light, Tywana has picked up the remote but has not hit the button, when the light starts to get brighter and dim, up and down it goes as if someone is pressing the dimmer switch on the remote. This goes on for a good minute, on its own. I take the remote from Tywana, press and hold the dimmer button. The light stops going up and down, but now it’s just on dim. No other buttons will work. The fan will not slow down or speed up. It won’t go off. The light doesn’t do anything when I press the button. We decide it’s dim enough that we can fall asleep. I figure maybe the battery has died and surged right before it died. But, this doesn’t make sense because the light on the remote that indicates a button is being pressed is still working. After we give up, close our eyes and try to get to sleep, Tywana tries it one more time, and it works. The light goes off.
I fall into a fitful sleep worried about how things are going to go with the new job if I can’t get logged in. They won’t be able to hire me. I’m still trying to solve the problem as I enter dreamland where I find myself in a weird store that is an amalgamation of a bank, a department store, and a grocery store. Tywana is loading groceries into the cart and I’m just thinking about how much everything costs. How many bananas does she need? There are at least five pounds. I don’t say anything. But, I’m worried about how much all this costs. I try to take money out of the ATM, $30. I get a receipt for $30.30, but no money comes out. I hope I’m not charged. I move on to where I’m going to buy something. To use my credit card, there is this giant retinal scan machine that I have to press my eyes into these goggle-like cups while standing with my feet spread apart like you have to with the full body scans at the airport. There’s a security guard instructing me how to use this contraption. Stand here. Press your eyes there. My card works, but it’s then I realize I was charged the $30.30 from the ATM. So, I walk back over there to see if my money has come out. Someone asks me if I’m looking for the $100 that was left at the ATM. No, I tell them I am looking for $30. They say it’s in a basket. There is this table loaded with stuff that has been left. It’s in basket 17. As I’m looking for basket 17, just as I find it, I feel a hand on my shoulder. It’s someone grasping my shoulder like they’re standing behind me. I turn, and no one is there. I sense Shayna’s presence, and I think this is my first manifestation of her physically. I don’t see her, but I felt her. Then I realize this is just a dream. When I wake I wonder is this the visit Shayna promised through Jamie?
https://www.grief2growth.com/wp-content/uploads/2018/10/deep-web-1106648_640.jpg456640Brian Smithhttps://grief2growth.com/wp-content/uploads/2019/03/Grief-2-Growth-logo-for-wordpress-site.jpgBrian Smith2018-10-13 10:56:502018-10-13 10:56:50Day 1206- Ghost In The Machine
I’ve been asking for signs, looking for synchronicities, trying to believe that the universe is conspiring in my favor (not against me as I was taught most of my life). And, it’s been working. The synchronicities become more evident. The validations come more frequently. The messages are more clear. I am a glass half empty, “realist”. My theme song is Paul Simon’s “Something So Right”.
When something goes wrongI’m the first to admit it I’m the first to admit it But the last one to know When something goes right Well it’s likely to lose me It’s apt to confuse me It’s such an unusual sight I can’t get used to something so right Something so right
It takes a lot to convince me. So, I continue to diligently press for more. I keep asking for the signs to be more and more obvious. And, it’s working. So, I’m acknowleding that and offering gratitude.
Several months ago this message started coming to me, that there was something more in store for me, “just around the corner”, that I would know which path to take and, more importantly, the path would be opened to me. For a couple of years, I’ve felt like I was running in place on a treadmill that was spinning faster and faster, to the point where I wasn’t quite able to keep up with it, I was losing ground. To mix metaphors, a door had closed behind me, I was standing in a hallway and none of the other doors were opening. I’ve been praying and waiting, waiting and praying, and trying to be patient.
Then, around June, I started getting messages from different people, messages like this:
“I see you on a much larger platform. You’re a star and a whizz at technology, so that sounds like spirit reconfirming for you that you are on the right path and there is lots more to come. I am telling you Brian, something very exciting ahead for you. Your Grandfather the preacher, he’s very much with you, pushing you forward.”
A few weeks ago, I got the gig with the San Francisco Theological Society, a part-time job, a few hours a week, but the first time getting paid for doing something like what I really want to do. Also, in September, I had a one night gig with Thomas John where I was his assistant while he was in town, introduced him at his demonstration, and gave him a ride back to his hotel. This was my second paid deal in the month of September. When I told Kat, who predicted in June that this would all start around September (this was in June), she replied with:
Yeah, it’s a start. That’s how it started for me, but once they see what you do with it and your potential, Spirit will put more power and energy behind it. You’re going to go a long way, so just keep the love in your heart centre. It’s going to be magical. More money coming for you soon I think. Not just this gig, something more soon. Kat x
A medium that I haven’t met sent me a couple of messages. I’ll condense them to give you the gist of what she said (she speaks British, BTW).
Your energy really is amazing. You’re a very old soul with so much to share with the world from your past lifetimes You are a very wise soul with much to share with the world. Much love to you and all on hph. Everything is a bigger picture and you are here for big things to awaken this world with your voice/ your life. Honoured to meet you . I truly see your light I see you working very high with spirit. Your energy is very pure, very genuine. You need to have your voice out to the world with you public speaking/ a book/ your voice/ your story. I felt this the min I seen you. I know good pure energy and this is you my friend. I know spirit have great high work to do with you…reaching so many across the world and being paid. it’s what you came back to do. To teach others. You are a true inspiration xxx what I want to say to you is that I see you as a Morgan Freeman and you can work towards that your voice is that big and needs to be heard but more importantly like Morgan Freeman it’s about being respected! So I’m here to pass on a message U are more than special. Spirit have being screaming at me to tell you for ages I tried to touch on it before without trying to come off as a weirdo. I know star quality and that’s u!!! U need to go forward ASAP with all u do ur voice and awesome energy is so pure and precious and RESPECTED like Morgan Freeman you need to do everything in ur power to get YOU out there to the masses!! Only Brian u need to be the voice for the world not just a group but the whole collective whole and the world will listen. I’m due again on a major radio show, I would like to be able to talk of you to others whom I know too word of mouth is so good and ur work you do for spirit is known. Ur a true treasure so much love and hugs But u are special like star quality special I know energy and u ooooze it so I’m onto this for u. Energy doesn’t lie and ur energy is off the chart it’s on fire wooohooo.
Unbeknownst to the people who sent the last two messages to me, I have been working on creating an employment opportunity for about six months now. There is someone I wanted to work with. I began planting seeds hoping that there would be some capacity I could find to work with him. I kept finding reasons to make contact and show what I can do. I got an interview two weeks ago. After the interview and before I heard back about the job, I got this email from a guy I’ve been volunteering with, helping him run a focus group for a course he is developing.
Thanks again for your help! Just wanted to touch base because it seems like a part of your purpose is to support and shepherd parents through the grief process. It just seems to me that as HPH continues to grow and expand that you and Ty will continue to play a pivotal role in its outreach efforts.
The organization is obviously growing and impacting so many people. As it continues to expand, I am curious if there has been any discussion with Elizabeth and Board Members about expanding and supporting its infrastructure. My understanding is that it is all volunteer now but as things continue to grow I would assume there would be a need for some paid staff to assist in supporting the organization.
It just seems that your skills, knowledge, passion, and experience would be perfect for some kind of role with HPH. And it also seems as the numbers expand and the tremendous value it provides people, that HPH could find some sustainable ways to financially support the people who do so much to help others.
Just thought I would pass this along for whatever it is worth to you. Happy to brainstorm some ways that HPH could responsibly and ethically generate some income to support its important mission. While obviously, you are not doing this to make money, there is a tremendous amount of VALUE provided to people through HPH. I think some of your members would not only gladly invest in this assistance but also want to sponsor and contribute to others who may not be financially in a good spot to do so.
Thanks again for everything and keep making the world a more loving place!
Currently, HPH doesn’t have any paid positions. I don’t know if they ever will. The online group just crossed 4,000 people. The international organization is at 11,000. Maybe one day… But, this got me thinking about opportunities I could create and I’ve been brainstorming about those with the help of the guy I’ve been volunteering with. I have some ideas that could work.
Just yesterday, I got the offer I had been waiting for. I had told no one but Tywana about accepting the offer. Last night, I had a meeting with Jamie Clark. This was our second Helping Parents Heal meeting with Jamie. Jamie is a highly tested medium who has worked with Gary Schwartz in his lab in Arizona. Normally, when there are gallery readings, Tywana and I don’t get a reading. Shayna isn’t pushy. She probably figures we hear from her enough and wants to let others have a turn. Tywana and I have been to several gallery readings. In Thomas John’s gallery reading a couple of weeks ago, Shayna made a short appearance, at the end. If she does come through, she normally hangs back. Last night, she came through saying she wanted to be first (yay Shayna!). Jamie mentioned that I had taken a new job. I don’t think Jamie has any idea what I do. He said I would be offered more in the organization. And, he echoed much of what the others have been saying. The thing is I’m currently working for three organizations. This could be any one of them or one of the things I’m working on without any organization.
Here is the video clip of the reading by Jamie:
So, what does all of this mean? I’ve been talking and thinking about the law of attraction. I struggle with it, openly. It seems if things are going great, it’s easy to believe you’re attracting it to yourself. But, if things are not going great, how do you break the cycle? Do you lie and say “All is well?” When you’re honest are you pushing success away? I have to say I haven’t fully embraced it. What I will say is that the intentions I’ve been setting combined with the actions of putting myself in the right situations, creating situations, and being open to even the slightest opportunity is paying off and the Universe keeps finding a way to send the message to me.
https://www.grief2growth.com/wp-content/uploads/2018/10/writing-1209121_640.jpg480640Brian Smithhttps://grief2growth.com/wp-content/uploads/2019/03/Grief-2-Growth-logo-for-wordpress-site.jpgBrian Smith2018-10-12 09:24:462018-10-12 09:24:46Day 1203- Letters from the Universe
I see you working very high with spirit. Your energy is very pure, very genuine. You need to have your voice out to the world with you public speaking/ a book/ your voice/ your story. I felt this the min I seen you. I know good pure energy and this is you my friend. I know spirit have great high work to do with you…reaching so many across the world and being paid. 
it’s what you came back to do. To teach others. You are a true inspiration 
