Crystal Partney- Scattering Hope After Her Sister’s Suicide

I spoke with Crystal about life after the suicide of her sister Gina, in 2019. Crystal was raised Mormon and the suicide of her sister tested her faith and caused her to wrestle with guilt. It ultimately led to Crystal forming two businesses to help others deal with these same things.

Crystal Partney is an author, speaker, suicide grief coach, and founder of Scattering Hope and Owl & Thistle.

She is also the host of the upcoming You Are Loved Podcast. The day before her 32nd birthday in 2019, would be the day that changed her life forever. Little did Crystal know; she would receive the devastating news that her sister Gina had taken her life that morning. After this tragedy, Crystal needed the next steps on how to begin the healing process. She discovered that the first 30 days are often the most important step when it comes to healing after suicide. Crystal wants to thank you for saying, “Yes” to beginning your journey towards healing.

Reach Crystal at
https://scatteringhope.com/

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Transcript

Brian Smith 0:01
Now that you’re here at Grief 2 Growth, I’d like to ask you to do three things. The first thing is to make sure that you like click Notifications, and subscribe to make sure you get updates for my YouTube channel. Also, if you’d like to support me financially, you can support me through my tip jar at grief to growth, calm, it’s grief, the number two growth.com/tip jar, or look for tip jar at the very top of the page, or buy me a coffee at the very bottom of the page, and you can make a small financial contribution. The third thing I’d like to ask is to make sure you share this with a friend through all your social media, Facebook, Instagram, whatever. Thanks for being here. Close your eyes and imagine what are the things in life that cause us the greatest pain, the things that bring us grief, or challenges, challenges designed to help us grow to ultimately become what we were always meant to be. We feel like we’ve been buried. But what if like a seed we’ve been planted, and having been planted, who grow to become a mighty tree. Now, open your eyes. Open your eyes to this way of viewing life. Come with me as we explore your true, infinite, eternal nature. This is grief to growth. And I am your host, Brian Smith. Hey everybody, this is Brian back with another episode of grief to growth. And today I’ve got with me crystal party. I’m going to read her bio, and then we’ll have a conversation like we always do. Crystal partner is an author. She’s a speaker. She’s a suicide grief coach. And she’s founder of scattering hope, and Alan ficil. She’s also the host of the upcoming you our love podcast. Now the day before a 32nd birthday in 2019 would be the day that changed her life forever. Though, Crystal now that she received the devastating devastating news that her sister Gina had taken her life that morning. And after this tragedy, Crystal needed the next steps on how to begin the healing process. She discovered that the first 30 days are often the most important step when it comes to healing after suicide. And she wants to say thank you for our say yes. Or Thank you for saying yes to beginning your journey towards healing.

So with that, I want to introduce crystal party.

Crystal Partney 2:24
Thank you, Brian. I’m so glad to be on. Thanks for having

Brian Smith 2:28
me. Yeah, it’s good to have you here. I know. Suicide is a sensitive subject. It’s a tough subject, I work with a lot of people who are survivors of people who have taken their lives, even the language around it, you know, we have to be very careful with the language that we use. So I want to let everybody know that we’re going to you know, we want to talk about the subject because it’s it’s a subject that we don’t I don’t think talk about enough and it’s kind of it’s kind of hidden away. So first, I’d like to ask you about your sister Gina, tell me about Gina.

Crystal Partney 3:00
Oh my goodness, Gina. She was just a ball of energy. And you know, it was interesting because we both work for the for my family business. And she worked out of a different location. And when my coworker met my sister immediately came up to me and said, Oh my gosh, Gina like doesn’t slow down. She’s like the Energizer Bunny. And like I Yeah, yeah, that’s my sister. And that was how he described her it. It was such a beautiful tribute to her because it was that’s exactly how she was she hardly ever slow down. Whenever you saw her. She was, you know, going from one thing to the next and just constantly, you know, busy and just a ball of light. Mm hmm.

Brian Smith 4:00
So is she, your older sister younger sister tell me where she fits in the family

Crystal Partney 4:05
is my oldest sister. Yeah.

Brian Smith 4:07
Okay. And so if you don’t mind, what how did you find out about her taking her life and tell me? Do you know the circumstances around it or?

her passing?

Crystal Partney 4:22
I do. And, um, so she was newly divorced. And her children lived, who they wanted to live with their stepdad and their stepdad lives about, oh, golly, I’d say at least three hours away. So it was really hard on my sister to watch her transition from the married for over, you know, 20 plus years to be newly single and having children that were in their teenage years and not Having them be with her not having them be around her on a daily basis was really, really hard for her. And so when she was making that transition to being newly single and divorced, she came to live at my parents house. And she was just struggling. And we knew that as a family and so we, you know, tried our best to get her the help, that she, we knew that she needed, whether that was, you know, going to see us a counselor. And, you know, making sure like, Okay, so you’ve been prescribed medication, let’s make sure that you’re taking it consistently. And we really thought as, as a family, we really thought we were turning a corner that she was turning a corner. And that we got to sneak glimpses of her, her old self. And it was so it was such a breath of fresh air for us, because we will see these moments of her being her usual self, her usual bubbly self. And we’d say, Ah, she’s back. She’s back, we got her back. Because, you know, I’ve never been divorced. And I don’t know what that’s like, and having to not see my children, if months a month, if that. And I just knew the turmoil that my sister was in. And that was really what I would say, you know, conspired her to take her life, at the end of the day was that longing to have that love in her life, and it wasn’t from us, as a family as your siblings, as you know, my mom, or even, you know, my dad passed away. But even from someone like my dad, it wasn’t that she didn’t need that connection, because we were very present. And we’re very active in her life. But she really needed it from her children. And so I think that’s, that’s where the breakdown started to occur.

Brian Smith 7:20
Yeah, yeah. So when you when you got the news of your sister’s passing? How did you how did you react to that? How did you take that I know one of the things you said and information you sent me earlier, and we read it in the bios that you the first 30 days are really important on that healing journey. So what were the first 30 days like for you? And did you discover this during that time? Or was it afterwards that you discovered how important that time was?

Crystal Partney 7:49
Well, I would say, you know, especially suicide, it’s unique to every single person that is tragically experiencing it. And for me, when I found out, I had the very painful decision that I had to tell my my daughter, who was three at the time, that her aunt Gina had passed away. And of course, that opened up a whole plethora of questions like, What do I say to my three year old? In regards to you know, what do I tell her? Do I say that she took her life in if I say that, how to how do I say that, and being in a very open and transparent way, but also recognizing the fact that she was three. And so I couldn’t just, you know, say, say what I really wanted to say and be open, as opposed to, you know, some of my, you know, cousin, or some of my nieces and nephews who are older, in their in their teenage years. So I’ll just share with you the the morning that I had to tell my daughter, and it was actually a really beautiful story. But so my daughter, she was noticing that I was crying a lot. And if you you know, have children, especially as young as three, they pick up on things. And I didn’t think she noticed me I thought, Oh, she’s not noticing this, this change this tragedy. She hasn’t picked up on it yet. Well, I was in the bathroom, and then she came into the bathroom. And she kind of blindsided me because she just said, Mommy, why are you crying? And I said, Oh, honey, I’m sad. And she goes, why? And then I decided, okay, I need to tell her. I can’t keep this from her. And so I told her, I said, You No, honey, I’m really sorry. But at Gina has died. And she looked up at me and said, Mommy, why? And I said, you know, and then lovingly and honest way that it could I just told her I don’t know. I said, I don’t know, honey, I just know that she was really sad. And then it was so beautiful because she got really quiet. And then she started to smile. And I was like, wait a minute, I just told you that your aunt Gina has died. And now you’re smiling. Us. I said, Honey, where are your smiley? And she says, Well, does that mean that she’s with grandpa? Lanie? That’s my dad. And I said, yeah, yeah, she’s with Coco Lanie. And she said, okay, and she ran out of the bathroom. And it was in that moment that I realized that everything was going to be okay. It was going to look dramatically different. But that she was my sister was in good company, that she wasn’t alone, that she was, you know, safe, and that she was surrounded by people that I love and miss dearly. But she wasn’t on bone. And, and that brought so much peace and so much comfort. And, you know, to have my daughter react the way that she did. Now, granted, I didn’t go into detail. I simply said exactly what I just shared, that she had died and to have her, you know, have her three year old brain understand that. But then very lovingly, you know, respond. It okay. And that just like I said, it’s brought me so much peace.

Brian Smith 12:05
That is really incredible. You know, and a lot of times we underestimate first of all the sensitivity of children, we think they don’t know what’s going on, you know, with us emotionally and stuff. And they do they perceive so much. But the wisdom that she had to say, Okay, well, she’s okay, you know, she’s with she’s with grandpa. And that was good enough for hurt, right? We don’t need to sometimes we overly think overthink how much detail we have to share with children and really just give them enough till they’re satisfied. And, you know, she didn’t need to know the circumstance. That’s, that’s awesome. But can only imagine the piece as you said, that must have brought to you. Because her perspective is so much wiser than most of us adults. You know, we worry about ourselves. Oh, yes. Not the person that’s that’s made the transition. So that’s awesome.

Crystal Partney 12:51
Yeah, it was, it was completely remarkable. I was just completely astonished at her response. But I was, I was very pleased. And like, you know, reberty said, it brought me a lot of peace to say, okay, like, I don’t need to go into any more details on that. And, and she, you know, accepted it. And now she’s, she’s five. And so she is asking more and more questions just about death and about grief in general. And so, but, you know, thankfully, I’m, I’m kind of on the forefront, and I can say, Okay, this is how we’re going to approach this. This is how I’m going to handle these questions. Because let’s be real, they’re not going to go away. They’re only going to continue as, as her life continues.

Brian Smith 13:43
So I’m curious as to what you had said to her about death prior to this, if anything, and what were your beliefs about the afterlife or where your sister was? Or how your sister was?

Crystal Partney 13:58
Yeah, oh, my goodness. That’s a beautiful question. And to be fully transparent, I don’t recall talking to her about deaths up until that point, because she hadn’t experienced it. So she wasn’t born when my dad passed away. And so, to have that discussion, and to have her response, be the way that it was it was it was quite, you know, like I said, shocking, to say the least, but in a good way. And, and it was shortly after, you know, my sister passed away that that we had to put our dogs down, and he was 16. And so for me, she had more questions about shorty than she did about Gina And I think it was just because she was so little at that time. So, but I definitely, and I was talking with my husband after my sister passed away. And I was very transparent and having the conversation with him and saying, I’m not keeping this under the rug. I am bringing it into our everyday conversations. And as she asked questions, I’m going to do the very best that I can to answer them, and be honest, and make sure that it’s age appropriate for her. And so even my mom, in fact, we were she was driving, it was just her and my mom in the car, and they drove past the funeral home. And she said, Well, that’s where Aunt Gina died. And my mom was kind of startled by it. She goes, yeah, yeah, that’s right. And, and that was the extent of the conversation. Like it wasn’t, it didn’t go any further than that. But I remember my mom sharing that with me. And it’s, again, it was so astonishing to see that because and to hear that from her, because, in my mind, it’s like, Did she really understand what was going on? Could she conceptualize what was going on at that time? And, and again, it’s that constant reminder of, she does, and she’s remembering and she’s way much more aware than I’m giving her credit. But I do, I do find ways to remember my sister and, and my dad and shorty. And like, I have pictures of them all over the house. And, you know, she can ask me questions. And for my sister’s birthday, we go out and we get her favorite ice cream. And so she knows that ice cream is, you know, at genus favorite. And so I find these little moments to really just embrace the beauty of it. And not, because it’s so easy for me. And for everybody that’s experience a loss to suicide to just be like, Nope, didn’t happen. It didn’t occur. We’re not gonna talk about it. But like I was sharing earlier, I really talked over with my husband and said, I’m not hiding this. I can’t, because in like going back to the, the experience of having to first tell her, it was in that moment that I realized something so profound, and that is that she was going to look back whenever she experiences a tragedy in her life. She was gonna look back at that moment, and ask herself, well, how did mom handle it? How did mom, like approach it? Did she cave? Does she, you know, not get out of bed? Does she, you know, find something that brought her happiness. And she continued forward. Because it was in that moment that I was like, Oh my gosh, it’s not just me. It’s not just me experiencing this tragedy. We as a family are experiencing it together. And we get to decide what our next steps will be.

Brian Smith 18:41
Yeah. Well, I I think that children, especially around before the age of five or six, they’re still connected to the other side, they come in and, you know, because I asked you that question, what did you talk to her about before because we all assume that children are blank slates and they only know what we tell them. But I think they have memories, you know, for big on the other side, and I think they’re still somewhat connected. So, you know, that’s, that’s just such a profound it’s photolysis profound but for her, it’s probably just like routine. It’s like yeah, I just came from there. And that’s where Grandpa is and that’s for all right Gina wet. So I’m curious as to what your thoughts were at the time about about the afterlife or spirituality, you know, when your sister password, this is something that you had thought about or given much, you know, or what was your thoughts?

Crystal Partney 19:30
Yeah, I, you know, I grew up in a very, you know, Christian household that was predominantly Christian. You know, we were LDS and, and that’s just how I was raised. I was raised in a predominantly Mormon household. And so faith was was natural for me to say, okay, and, you know, my husband was completely opposite. He didn’t he didn’t grow up. Having a really, I guess, strong and bold face, he just knew that he would see his loved ones again. He just he has that deep rooted Ness in his face that even though you know, some might consider his face to be, you know, quite small, he has that, that knowledge and that perception of, well, why won’t I see them again? And and if that is truly the case, like if I will never see them again, I don’t want to go there. You know what I mean? Like, like, oh, well, in that case, I don’t want to go there. Because if that means that I can’t see them again. I mean, I can’t think of a greater hell than that. And personally, but it really it to be quite honest, Brian, it shook my face. Because it just leave, you know, remembering the events that led up to my sister’s death. And then having experienced her death, it really just was like, Okay, if all of these events still occurred, and yet, my sister still passed away, she still took her life. Why? And so that, you know that the million dollar question is why. But no answer is going to be sufficient to fill that question of why. And it doesn’t matter. You know, she did leave a letter. But even then, we were still like, yes, that made sense to you. But we want you we don’t want this piece of paper explaining. We just want you back.

Brian Smith 21:55
Yeah. Well, what you said is very common, you know, we have a faith a religion. And then when something like this happens, something so tragic, something so close, it does shake our faith, and sometimes, you know, people will actually even get angry at God, you know, it’s like, why did you let this happen? So I think that’s, that’s a very common occurrence, when something that just so out of out of left field or out of order, or just doesn’t seem, you know, it’s not the same thing as when, like, your grandmother passes away or something. So it causes us to question, you know, everything. So I think your spots is actually very, very normal. So in terms of your faith, did you did you somehow reconcile that?

Crystal Partney 22:43
Yeah, yes. Yes, I did. I had to, and to be, you know, fully transparent. I really wrestled for it for for a couple of months, I would say after she passed away. And, and I just felt like, okay. And also order for me to live the life that I know, my sister would want me to live. I need to address this, I need to be able to say, yes, there were events leading up to her death, that unknowingly, you know, maybe maybe could have prevented her from taking her life, I don’t know. But, again, I was reminded of my daughter and her words of just innocence of saying she’s, she’s with dad, she’s a grandpa. So there’s nothing to worry about. There’s nothing to cry about. That’s like, okay, yeah, she’s right. And I’m, again, just knowing my sister and what she would want for me. She wouldn’t want me to just like, I keep using that word cave, but she wouldn’t want me to just settle and just be like, This is the new normal, it is a new normal, but I don’t have to stay here. I can choose to continue forward with my life and knowing that she has my back and she’s supporting me in every decision I make. And it’s only because of my face and reevaluating and saying okay, this was, you know, not my fault. It wasn’t, you know, God’s fault. But, you know, it’s not even my sister’s fault. Like, just accepting things as they really are. allowed my faith to be reignited and say, Okay, this is this is how we’re going to approach it and to really look for those signs that she still present. She’s just not The physical form that I want her to be in, but make no mistake, she’s here. She’s experiencing life with me.

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Crystal Partney 26:04
I often joke I said, you know, I’ll talk out loud and then I’ll say Gina, you know, I’m sorry, I’m kind of boring. But you’re more than welcome to hang out with me. I’m kind of boring, I’ll just be honest. And I’m sure she’ll just censure she just laughs like okay, well, too bad. I’m gonna hang out with you anyways.

Brian Smith 26:25
Curious, how does that align with your faith? Because I know some people think that Christianity teaches that when were quote, dead, were asleep or were in heaven were somewhere else. So it’s interesting to hear me say here, you said that your sister is still living life with you.

Crystal Partney 26:43
Yeah, I, it’s just again, it’s just me being aware of the signs that are that she’s present. Like, I’ll hear I’ll hear a Garth Brooks song. And I’m like, Oh, okay. There’s my sister and, or I’ll see her name in the most random of places. It’s like, Okay, those are those are signs that she’s reminded me, Crystal, I’m here. I’m here with you. And, and yeah, I know that she’s probably busy and doing other things. And, but I know that she’s still here. And she’s experiencing life with me and my family. So it’s really beautiful to not have it be. I don’t want to say so black and white. Because I feel like our faith can tend to be that way, at least in my own experience, where it’s like, well, let’s either this way or that. And there’s no, there’s no gray. But when I think about it, not just conceptually, but from a spiritual standpoint, sexual Why wouldn’t they be here? Why wouldn’t they be, you know, doing both whatever it is that they’re doing, and still be present, you know, finding moments to remind me that they’re still here.

Brian Smith 28:06
Yeah, I totally i That’s my view also. And it’s interesting, I just I someone just, I have a video that I did with someone who had a near death experience. And I it’s funny, the comments I get I get so much pushback from people who are there have been taught to be fearful by religion. And as you said, it’s either this way, or it’s that way. It’s black and white. No, they’re not here. No, you can’t communicate with them, etc. And I personally find that very sad. So I was really intrigued to hear you say that, you know, your sister, you still talk to her. You still had that communication with I think that’s, that’s awesome. So how, how, what’s How long since your sister pass? Did you start cuz I know you started two companies. So tell me about the company you started and how that happened?

Crystal Partney 28:57
Yeah, well, after, you know, my sister died, it was about a month later, I was graduating college. And that in itself was a victory. My book because I was in my senior year, and I was left with a decision do I graduate or do I not? And I just told myself, okay, what would my sister want? No, she would absolutely want me to still graduate. And even though at that point, you know, grades really didn’t matter. Because I was like, I just need to go through. And I have the, you know, the full support of my professors and I’m so grateful for them that they were, you know, encouraging me and, and they shared, you know, I had one professor that actually shared with me, a very sweet story she said of another students very similar to me in the sense that she had a You know, lost a sibling to suicide, but that it broke her heart as a professor to have to give the student a failing grade, because she never returned. And she shared very openly with me that she didn’t want that for me. And I said, Okay, you know, I appreciate it. Thank you for telling me. But I’m finishing. And I, there was that strong conviction in me that I’m like, I just need to finish I’ve worked so hard up until this point, you know, the sleepless nights and the, the tears and all of it. So I just need to finish. And so when I did, I finally graduated. And I told myself after that, that I was going to take a year off, and just heal, whatever that looked like, I didn’t know what the heck that looks like. And like, I don’t know how to do this. I mean, yes, I did it for my dad. But but this is different. This is just naturally different for me to to lose my sister and to lose my sister in that way. It was just completely different for me. And so in that years, timespan, I kept getting this download from my sister that I can only say it was her because she just kept, she just kept coming. And she just wouldn’t be quiet. Just kept saying, Crystal, I want you to help other families that are going through a similar situation. Like, like we’re experiencing right now. And I remember sitting there kind of arguing with her. I was like, but Gina, I don’t know how to do this. I don’t know how to be a coach. I don’t know how to do anything like this. And she’s like, It’s okay. Just do it. Yeah. I’m like, Okay, and again, it circles back to my faith and saying, I don’t know the how, but something tells me I wasn’t meant to know the how I just, it was a matter of me just simply saying yes. And stepping forward and saying, Okay, if this is the the dream and the mission that you’ve placed on my heart, well, I have to accept that and say, Okay, I don’t know what it’s gonna look like. But yes, yes, I’ll do it.

Brian Smith 32:24
Yeah, cool, answered the call. So tell me about scattering hope. What? What is scouting hope? What do you offer to people?

Crystal Partney 32:31
Yeah, so scattering help helps families heal after losing a loved one to suicide. And we offer just a variety of different things. Like you mentioned earlier, I offer grief coaching, I offer a subscription box that is monthly, that includes different items that really reflect me and how I began to heal on a monthly basis. And then I also wrote, I’ve written a 30 day journal, that walk somebody through the first 30 days after losing a loved one to suicide. And I really, I wanted it to become something that a tool that someone can use that even if it’s been passed up three days, if they’re just wanting to simply start the healing process, to be able to pick up the journal and just know like, Okay, for the first for these next 30 days, regardless of what month it is, regardless of what day it is, we’re just gonna take one day at a time, and begin to process and heal and, and so that illustrates, just again, just a very simplistic, very bite sized pieces, to how you can begin to process your grief. And so that is what scattering help is all about, and helping helping families begin to heal after their own tragedy to suicide. And the sister company, really in my sister’s memory is called owl and thistle and it focuses on suicide prevention. And it again offers a subscription box for those for those people that are struggling. And I really wanted it to be able to, to touch the people in our family to say, Hey, I see you and I see the struggles you’re going through. But I love you and to just remind them that they are loved, and they’re not alone. They’re not alone in their struggles. They’re not alone in their pain, but they have an army of support that want to help them and really, you know, just provide the love that they so desperately need in those moments where they don’t feel like they’re enough and they don’t feel like they’re

Brian Smith 35:00
Yeah. So when it comes to suicide prevention, how would you recommend approaching that subject?

Crystal Partney 35:10
Well, I believe it’s it, as you mentioned earlier, it’s a very, very difficult conversation to have. But I’ve watched it with my own sister. And see, I don’t want to say the signs. But just simply telling her that, that I see her. And I’ll share just briefly, a quick story that illustrates this, this idea of letting the people know in our life, how much they’re loved the Christmas unknowingly before my sister passed, I was at Christmas shopping. And I’m the I’m the youngest of eight. So you can do the math, we all have kids. And that’s a lot of Christmas gifts. So needless to say, we, you know, we stopped buying other Christmas gifts a long time ago, because I quickly got expensive. But just whenever I was out, you know, this particular time, I was out Christmas shopping for my family for my daughter, my husband, and and I saw this little wooden sign. And as soon as I saw it, I was like, Oh, my gosh, I have to get one for Gina. So I did. And I gave it to her before Christmas. And I walked downstairs into my parents basement. And I said, Gina, I got you a gift. And she’s like, what, you got me a gift. And as a kid, I got you a Christmas gift. She’s like Chris, like, you know, we don’t do that. I know. But I saw this. And I immediately thought of you. And I just said, you know, just shared very openly and said, Gina, I see you I see the struggles you’re going through an even though I don’t know what it’s like to be newly divorced and have your children live three hours away. And, and, you know, dating again, and having, you know, time with your children be divided between actually being present and being on their phones. Like, I don’t know what that’s like, but I just want to let you know that I see you. And Brian, she started to cry. Because in that moment, I realized it was a long time since someone actually saw her, let alone a family member. And kids, you know, really meet her where she’s at and acknowledge, Hey, I see you. And that’s the the inspiration behind Alan pistol, was remembering that beautiful moment with my sister and just saying, What if I shared that with other people? What if I allowed other people to have that same experience as me? Where they could see that? Hey, I know you’re struggling. I know you’re going through a difficult time right now. But I just want to let you know that I’m here. And I see you. And you are so loved. Please stay. That’s that’s what I am inviting people to to happen in their life. I’ve to get that opportunity for them. Yeah, you’re Alan Cecil.

Brian Smith 38:36
Yeah, and this is where this is a very sensitive question. It’s a very sensitive subject, but I want to bring it up because I’m hesitant to talk about suicide prevention, because I know so many people who are survivors of suicide, you know, in their family, and they feel guilt. They blame themselves. And they say, Well, I could have done something, I should have done something. I should have seen this. I should have stopped it. And so when we talk about suicide prevention, it could put the idea in someone’s head. Well, I didn’t do what I was supposed to do. So how would you respond to that?

Crystal Partney 39:14
I would respond but the only way that I know how, and it was from my own experience is you got to give yourself grace. And know that your loved one wouldn’t want for you to carry this brick. Have I could have should have, how could I? This guilt, ashamed, even the anger? They wouldn’t want you to carry this around for the rest of your life. And it’s understandably you’re sad, you’re heartbroken. But I think every loved one and what they would want for you in that moment and saying, Okay, I’m choosing to to process my grief, and choosing to not blame you, and, and allow just love and compassion, and just, again, grace into your life again, no matter how small and especially help, always hold on to hope you only need a sliver of it. That’s all you need. And if that’s enough to get you out of bed, fabulous. And just know that that’s what your loved one would want for you, your loved one wouldn’t want you to just sit and be in the heaviness of your pain and your grief, they would want you to find these moments, these these slivers of hope to continue to be able to, you know, have a very fulfilled and joyful life, even though they’re gone. But like I shared earlier, they may be physically gone. But don’t mistake that they’re not with you on a regular basis daily. In fact, you just got to, you know, ask him, ask him to show up, ask them to be there, ask him, you know, if you need to release a lot of that anger, you know, find ways that you can release that anger, right? I have a friend she said, she was watching a show. And they were they literally went outside in the show. And they were showing the scene of this, this girl at the lake and she just started screaming. And then she was like, oh, okay, they feel better. Like, even little things like that to just helps release some of that that pent up. Just, you know, I call it anger, I call it grief. You know, it’s all a cumulative. But we need to have these little moments where we can say, okay, it’s gonna be okay. I may not know what tomorrow is gonna bring. But right now, this is how I’m going to, you know, go about this. And just, if I can emphasize one thing, it’s, please don’t, please don’t push, please don’t like shove it under a rug, and act like it didn’t happen. And finding these daily. Whatever it is for you, whether that’s journaling, or, or screaming or whatever it is just finding these little moments where you can slowly begin to heal this key.

Brian Smith 42:42
Yeah, I think that was beautifully said. And I’m glad that you answered that way. Because I do find a lot of times people that that frustration, the the will be turned within the anger will be turned within. And we’ll blame ourselves for the actions of someone else. And we think like we I should have, I have control over the situation. And I deal with a lot of parents, particularly parents of children who have taken their lives the parent will want I mean, its parent, we always think we’re responsible for everything happens with our child. So I appreciate your answer. And I love the story you told about Gina and, and and the Christmas gift. And you saying you saw her because you did exactly the right thing. You know, and sometimes we can do all the right things, and we still just can’t prevent the action someone else is going to take. So we have to do what we can do. But we can’t control the outcome is the way I look at it.

Crystal Partney 43:43
Yeah, I agree. I agree.

Brian Smith 43:46
So when people if someone wanted to work with you, how would they go about getting started? Should they go to your website and get the journal? Should they sign up for the gift box to coaching? How would you recommend someone get started with you?

Crystal Partney 44:01
Yeah, that’s a beautiful question. They can reach out to me on my website, either scattering help calm, or Owl and the soul.com. And there are links to you know, this subscription box, there are links to the 30 day journal, you can reach out to me via email. And both of my emails are on both corresponding websites. And we’ll make sure to get those over to you. But yeah, I would love for people to connect and just reach out and share their heart or their story. And I think that’s one of the most powerful things that we can do is to you know, share our story and not but our loved ones truly be gone. Because they don’t want to be gone. They don’t truly want to be gone to they want you to remember that. And I’m constantly reminded of my sister and she You know, telling me like, don’t forget about me. Don’t forget about me, like, find ways to remember me and you know, laugh and smile and continue with your life. But please don’t forget about me. And I would just encourage your listeners to do the same. Don’t forget about them. Find ways to remember them, celebrate them. honor their memory. But But please don’t. Don’t let them die. Permanently.

Brian Smith 45:38
Yeah, yeah, I love what you just said about Don’t forget about that. And I get the same message my daughter, which is why she’s in my background, when I when I do my podcast and stuff, because everything I do, I do, you know, because of her and for her. And I hear constantly saying, you know, you got it, you got to keep doing, you got to keep doing this stuff this. So I think, you know, people will sometimes ask, you know, can people be sad in the afterlife? And I don’t know the answer to that question. I think it’s kind of complicated. But I know the one thing I think would make them sad, it’s, we’re sad. I think if they look at us, and we’re not living our lives to the fullest, and we’ve let their their passing destroy us. I think that’s the one thing that could make them sad. And I think we have an obligation, as you said, to keep their memory alive and to to live to the fullest for them.

Crystal Partney 46:26
Yeah, I couldn’t agree more.

Brian Smith 46:29
So any, any final thoughts you want to get before we wrap up today?

Crystal Partney 46:35
Just like I was mentioning earlier, just hold on to that hope, whatever that looks like if you are in that dark place, and you just feel as if you know, I’m not loved. I don’t feel like anybody would care if I’m gone. I just want you to know that that’s not true. There are people out there, they may not express it. They may not even show it. But I promise you from the bottom of my heart that there are people out there that need you that live here. And they would just be absolutely devastated if you were gone. And like I said, some people have a really funny way of showing it but make no mistake you are that.

Brian Smith 47:23
Wow. Yeah. Great. Great. Thank you Crystal. Well, just let everybody know. There’ll be links in the show notes also but the are your website is scattering hope.com and Alan fissile calm and your name is Crystal part ni P R T n EY. Sometimes people are listening they don’t get they don’t see the show notes. I want to get that on the audio. Crystal. It’s been great having you on grief to grow. Thanks for being here today. Thanks for what you’re doing. It’s It’s incredible that you know, only a couple years after your sister’s passing, that you’re carrying her legacy in the way that you are. So I know she’s really proud of you.

Crystal Partney 47:54
Oh, thank you so much. And thanks for having me and, and I hope your your listeners, you know, found some some help, help and my story and that they can, you know, find themselves in it and know that there’s always that, that hope to hold on to.

Brian Smith 48:13
Awesome, thanks. Have a great rest of your day.

Transcribed by https://otter.ai

 

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