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Day 1089- Father’s Day 2018

It’s Father’s Day.  This is the third Father’s Day without Shayna.  Her angel date is just a few days from now, precisely one week.  Our last Father’s Day together, we had steak. If I remember correctly, Kayla wasn’t here.  Little did I know that would be my last one with her.  Kayla was home last week, and we celebrated then.  We had steak and shrimp. Since I couldn’t think of anything better and I don’t want to go out for dinner, Tywana and I will repeat the menu today.

I remember my first Father’s Day with Kayla. It’s archived on video somewhere. I loved every single Father’s Day with them, and every single day that wasn’t Father’s Day. What’s Father’s Day when your babies have left the nest though?  This week my nephew Matthew stayed with us for four days.  It was great having a kid in the house again. He might object to being called a kid given that he’s 20.  But, since Shell’s three boys are like the sons I never had, he’ll always be a kid to me.  I didn’t want sons. I wanted two girls. I got two girls. So, they are my surrogate sons. We stayed up late watching movies, did some manly shopping together, ate waffles, and watched a lot of episodes of Elementary (the modern day Sherlocks Holmes TV series).  I taught him how to appreciate sipping bourbon.  He taught me about vaping. I got to play Dad for four days. It was awesome.

Tywana and I are doing mediumship training together with a friend of ours.  On Friday we had a session with her.  Surprisingly, she had us connect with a departed friend of hers and, after having her correct me on the gender, I was able to get the person’s age (late 20s), hair color, hair length, eye color, and personality.  I got the way he dressed and the fact that he was a smoker.  I saw him in a bar. He would often meet our tutor in a bar.  I saw a leather jacket.  He wore a leather jacket. Oddly, I still feel like I can’t do this mediumship thing. But, that was pretty amazing. My point for this blog is she had us bring Shayna through so we could know we can connect with her.  All three of us saw Shayna wearing the same thing, and we got the same message for us, validating that this was Shayna with us.  And since Tywana and I had just connected with our tutor’s friend, I guess the message was real, even though it’s the same message we usually get from her.  She is very proud of what we’ve done in the last three years, and she is still with us and supporting us.  It was a great visit with her.  I say visit even though I know she’s with me all the time. She’s right here, right now.

Today, I’m not sad. In spite of the fact the girls don’t need me the way they used to, I will choose gratitude.  Maybe there’s just a hint of melancholy.  I didn’t sleep well last night. There were too many worries running around in my head.  Today, I celebrate having survived three Father’s Days that I never thought I’d get through. I will remember the good times when my girls were here, and I will be grateful for them. Being a father was the most important thing in the world to me. It’s not a privilege I took for granted.  I will watch a little World Cup soccer and the U.S. Open even though Tiger’s days of making the cut are over, at least for now.  Ah, the glory days…

To all the Dad’s whose kids aren’t here physically anymore, I hope you have a day to reflect on the awesome joy we had, and have, of being fathers to these kids and feel the same gratitude I do that they chose us to teach and to love. I’m going to go on my walk now and have a talk with Shayna.

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