Day 1096- Never Gone. Never Forgotten.

Today it’s three years.  Three years since I last hugged Shayna, kissed her, or heard her sassy voice. Three years of living an unimaginable life.  Three years of change.  Three years of tears. Three years of growth. And, three years, closer to the day we are reunited without this veil.

I don’t have anything profound or particularly insightful to offer today. I’ve been looking forward to this day for months. Seeing it approach on the calendar, it’s a milestone I wanted behind me, not in front of me.

Yesterday, my brother and his wife drove down and spent a few hours with us. We played Top Golf and had dinner. As we turned into the neighborhood, I noticed someone had placed fresh purple ribbons on the stop signs at the intersections near our house. Shayna’s friends did that when she first passed and they continue to remember her angel dates. It’s amazingly comforting to know that the neighborhood still remembers.

This morning as I reach the bottom of the hill at the end of my cul-de-sac, I stop to take a picture of the ribbon on the sign nearest us. When I turn to walk away, the tears start to flow.  They’ve been flowing all morning.  As I’m finishing up my walk, I get a text from a neighbor saying they’re thinking of me today.  More tears come.  It’s not even noon and today I’ve cried, sobbed, more than I have in probably a year.  I’m not sure why. But, it’s OK. The sobbing continues during my meditation time.  I recall a study I heard about the chemical composition of tears. Tears have different chemical compositions depending on whether they are happy tears, tears from cutting an onion, tears of grief, etc.  I wonder about my tears. I’m overcome with gratitude. That’s brought some. I’m missing Shayna even though during meditation I felt her presence very strongly. As I meditate to Jai Jagdeesh “In Dreams”, I remember my dream from a couple of night ago and I feel the peace of being a child, taken care of.  I sense my guides are right here, but in the background, as we agreed it would be.  The turmoil still swirls around me, but as I sit here on the mat, and I go in, I reach that place of still peace inside and I am grateful.  More sobs.

Shayna only spent 15-1/2 years in the body on this planet.  Today marks nearly a third of that time.  Three years after she transcended our world, her impact is still being felt. The ripples are still going out.  I say with confidence as long as I am here, she will never be gone, never be forgotten. And I say thank you to all who continue to remember her, Kayla, Tywana and me.

When Brenda was making her transition, they played this song.  My friend Lynette introduced me to the artist.  I meditate to her music often. Most of the songs aren’t in English so they keep my brain engaged without introducing thoughts. I leave you with this.  Do this for yourself.  Take 8 minutes, close your eyes and take this in.