Every once in a while I hit what I feel is a brick wall. Yesterday afternoon was one of those times. It just came on me. What I’m doing is not working. I’ve got to do something different, now. I’ve been working, and working, and working some more trying to turn the business around. I never have any less than three major projects going at a time. These are not small tweaks, but major overhauls. I’m looking for signs from angels and guides. I’m doing guided meditations. I’m doing affirmations. But, the thoughts always come “Am I doing the right thing? Isn’t this supposed to be easy when you’re in ‘the flow’?” Today, I throw my hands up. I’m done. A few days ago my friend asked if I had thought about selling the business. Yeah. Maybe if I had some other skill. I can’t retire right now. I’m pretty sure trying to make a living as an Uber driver isn’t the way I want to go. I can’t give up. But, I sure want to give up. When I hit these points, I try something else. I take an hour and compose an email. The idea for it’s been forming for a while. I was going to create it as an ad. I fire it out to the 20,650 people on our email list. Maybe I can entice a few of them into buying something.
I rarely share these thoughts with Tywana. I don’t want to burden her with it, but I know I’m in a foul mood and if I don’t it’ll just come out directed at her since she’s the only one around. As always, she gives me encouragement. I set this aside, for now, we make dinner, watch a little TV, and head off to bed.
During the night, the thoughts are swirling again. I know I’m OK for now. Thankfully, during the good years, we put aside a fair amount of money, for retirement. We’re not desperate. I know I’ll be OK, in the long term. You can’t take money with you. There’s no point in hoarding it. I just need enough to get from here to there. That’s where the fear enters. I wonder if I’m doing the right thing. I’ve been taught that success comes with hard work and talent. I know I’m working hard. And, at the risk of sounding immodest, I’m pretty talented when it comes to my business.
I wake up with the image of a fork in the road. One the left path is the path I’ve been on. The right path is unknown. Literally, I have no idea what I would do if this business doesn’t turn around. But, sitting across the road is a brick wall. I’m blocked from taking either path. What do I do? Then, the image of the Thai boys who were just rescued from the cave comes to mind. They were trapped in a cave over a mile underground and several miles from the nearest entrance. There was water between them and the entrance, miles of swimming underwater with scuba gear. They had no way out. So, what did they do when there was nothing to do? They sat. Their leader had studied Buddhism and meditation. They kept themselves calm and they waited for their rescue. And, they were rescued. Panicking would have done them no good. When you’ve done all you can do, you stay calm and you wait. I’ve decided that, for now, I have to be like the boys in the cave. I’ve been doing, doing, doing. I need to take a beat and see what happens, wait for some of the seeds I’ve planted to grow.
So, as this post was coming together in my head, I had the image of the fork in the road and a brick wall to use as the featured image. That was the initial image I had in mind. I thought about using the Thai boyscouts also. I knew I wouldn’t be able to find an image of a brick wall on a road, so I was thinking about Photoshopping one together. I decide to jump on Facebook and the second post I see has this image.