I don’t read the Bible much anymore. Well, not all really, but verses still come to me at times. Today it’s Dying to Live- Romans 7:24 “What a wretched man I am! Who will rescue me from this body that is subject to death?”
I know people are concerned with my obsession with death. Understand I had a fixation on death from about the age of five years old. I was taught in Sunday School I could die any moment, or Jesus could come back and I would go to hell. Then there was the sudden death of my grandfather, in church, while testifying when I was about 7 years old. I was terrified of being alone after I died. I was terrified of what God was going to do to me. For years I suffered from panic attacks. Finally, I became a universalist, studied NDEs and become comfortable enough with death to put it aside and be relatively normal for about 15 years.
Shayna’s passing has brought death into sharp relief for me again, but it’s different now. I’m middle aged. I’ve raised my children. I have accomplished a lot. And, I now have confidence, real confidence that Heaven actually is a better place. So, yeah, kinda feeling like Paul today. This body of death is holding me back.
It’s not that I want to die. See, most of us think of death at the end. Death is not the end. Death is the beginning. Death is a new birth. I don’t want to die. I want to have the life that we have all forgotten.
Do not worry for me. I am doing all I need to maintain this thing. Exercising, decent diet, taking my medications, rest- all that stuff. I have responsibilities. I have a contract to fulfill. I signed up for this and I will see it through, but when it’s time for me to go home, whenever and however it comes, do not grieve for me.
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