There is a terribly cheesy country song from 1977 called Torn Between Two Lovers. It’s awful. Whatever you do, do not listen to it. It will stick in your head for days, and you don’t want that.
I can’t help thinking about the chorus of the song when people who have NDEs and those of us who have studied the afterlife so much express our desire to go Home. We are so often misunderstood. We can’t say it out loud because it’s considered morose. If you say you want to be with your child, people think you’re depressed; you want it all to end. Nothing could be further from the truth.
Torn between two lovers, feelin’ like a fool
Lovin’ both of you is breakin’ all the rules
Torn between two lovers, feelin’ like a fool
Lovin’ you both is breakin’ all the rules
What prompted this particular post is a conversation I had with an HPH affiliate leader a couple of days ago. She asked me which of the presentations we have had is my favorite. That’s impossible to say. We have had some fantastic speakers and genuinely enlightening and life-changing conversations. I rattled off a couple of the high profile people we have had on, and she brought up Peter Panagore. Wow, how could I fail to mention Peter.? Peter is a guy I had heard on a podcast, and I reached out to him. The love he has for God and his fellow man is palpable in Peter’s presentations. No one we have had has expressed that love and devotion better than Peter. Peter has had two NDEs. He voluntarily came back both times, for others. The first time Peter came back for his parents because he knew the devastation they would face since his sister had disappeared a few years before. The second time was pretty recently when he came back for his grown daughter and her daughter because he knew they needed him. Peter has dedicated his life to God, literally leaving the family business to become a pastor and now a professional speaker and author about the afterlife. But, she mentioned not because his presentation was so positive. She mentioned Peter because one of her attendees who watched the video found Peter’s presentation “depressing”.
The reason she found it depressing? Peter told us he prayed every day to go back Home. Peter prayed to die. Peter remembers the beauty, the peace, the unconditional love that he experienced during his visits Home, and he wanted more. This is was what some people find depressing about what Peter said. There is an unwritten rule that says that mentally healthy and happy people want to live long lives here. To express anything different is anathema. We must cling to this world and this world only, at all costs. No other loves are allowed.
I was speaking with someone else a couple of days ago, and she was critical of parents whose children have crossed who say they want to be with their child. How could it be any other way? Being a parent never stops. Wanting to take care of your child never stops. To ask us to cut that off because our child has crossed into another realm is unrealistic. Yes, I want to be with Shayna. I also want to be with Tywana. I want to be with Kayla. I also want to see Pop again.
I was listening to a podcast a few days ago. It was “Sam Reads Near Death Experiences.” If you don’t have time to go to the NDERF site and read through the over 4,000 experiences posted there, this is a decent way to get a dose of what NDEs entail. The vast majority of NDEs are positive experiences. A small percentage of them are what we call less than positive experiences or “hellish” experiences. In this particular one, the guy had a hellish experience. The reason I bring up his experience is it came about as the result of a suicide attempt. I have to interject this, as in virtually every “hellish” experience, he was saved during the experience and came back to live a better life. Hellish experiences are not indicative of any permanent state and seem to be to teach lessons to certain people. Anyway, this dude was pissed, because when he “woke up” on the other side, he was still alive. His suicide attempt was an attempt to end his existence. He wanted to be done. As he said, he didn’t die, he was just alive somewhere else. This is not what people who long for Home want. We don’t want to end our existence, we want to move on to the next phase. We want to be reunited with those bright shining lights that were in our lives here and have gone before us.
Back when I was a Christian, I was confused about something every single person in the church had in common. They all said they believed in Heaven. They all said they thought it was a place of peace and bliss, but not a single person was ready to go. They all wanted long lives. This has always confounded me. They would express wishes of long lives for each other. If you believe heaven is a big party, isn’t wishing someone a long life a curse, not a blessing? Please, do not wish me to live to 95 or 100. I don’t want it!
Look, I know it bothers people to hear anyone say they want to “die.” I get that. But, when you realize that no one ever dies, it takes on a whole new meaning. This world is hard. So, yes, sometimes we’re ready to be done, especially if we have someone special waiting for us. But, as the young man I mentioned in the NDE earlier learned; we signed up for these assignments. Many say we basically begged to come here. I, for one, plan to complete my assignment, as I know my friend Peter Panagore does. No matter what you hear me say, I’m here for the duration. But, forgive us if our hearts are sometimes torn between the love for our friends and family here and back Home.
p.s.- I haven’t listened to the song whose title I used in many years. In fact, I really don’t like the song and I don’t know why it’s still in my iTunes library. I kept trying to come up with another title for this post, but I kept coming back to this one- Torn Between Two Lovers. I completed the post in the morning and scheduled it to post the next day. As I sat down to watch a TV show before going to bed, this caught my eye on my DVR. Look at the title of the Modern Family episode that aired on the date I wrote this post.
Cue the Twilight Zone music