Due to the wonder that we know as Facebook, I have become aware that this weekend is high school homecoming for a lot of local schools, not that that means anything at all to me. Usually I just ignore the pictures of all the little ( kids getting dressed up for a night of fun, but this year it’s different. Shayna was looking forward to homecoming this year (Ty told me that one of Shayna’s friends had told her). Last year Shayna went to Saint X’s homecoming with a friend of a friend and Shayna was, of course, gorgeous. Shayna loved dressing up, doing her hair and makeup and having a good time. Had Shayna been physically with us this year, she and Ty would have shopped for a dress, Ty would have seen her off and taken pictures.
Seeing all these girls in their dresses with their bright smiles, seeing them proudly holding their driver’s licenses, seeing them hit milestones that Shayna will not brings about mixed feelings. As I look at the pictures, I am happy for my friends. I’m happy they are having these moments. I’m happy their children are healthy and still with them. And most of all I’m happy to see them cherishing these precious moments- as we always did while we had Shayna. But, it also brings about a deep sense of sadness of loss of things that we will not have. I’m sad that Ty doesn’t get to share that with Shayna this year. I’m sad that our photo album of Shayna has been cut off.
As I look at the Facebook feed, I find myself almost wishing they wouldn’t post these things. How could they be so insensitive to not know that not everyone has her daughter with her this year? Don’t they know how much it hurts for me to see their daughters growing up and having fun? But, that’s nonsense. It reminds me of a friend we used to have who didn’t think people should celebrate Mother’s Day because not everyone had a good relationship with her mother. No. If you have something to celebrate, celebrate it. Those of us who have experienced loss will do our best to be happy for you and we’ll try to remember the good times.
What came to me as I was contemplating this was that Shayna has already graduated from this plane and Shayna has already had The Homecoming of all homecomings. Shayna was welcomed back to where we all truly belong. I just wish I could have been there to celebrate it with her. One day I will be. And that gets me through today.