I’ve been trying to keep in mind that one day I will face a life review and then have to make a decision about whether to come back here or not. My theory is the pain we feel here is like they tell me the pain of child birth is. It’s terrible when you’re going through it and you say you’d never do it again, but soon after you forget how bad it was. So, I’ve been dropping breadcrumbs for myself. I’ve been consciously thinking “Don’t forget about this death thing. It sucks. You don’t want to do this again.” These are cues that will come up in my life review and remind to to pass on taking another trip. As I’m driving around doing errands, I’m dropping that breadcrumb for future Spirit Brian.
Driving can be a meditative or semi-meditative state. Maybe that’s why so often when we’re driving we feel our loved ones in spirit with us. I feel Shayna with me and I start reminiscing about the good times with the girls. Dying Easter eggs, writing notes from Santa, holding their hands as we walked, vacations, etc. I’m flooded with good memories. Then I think “Man, wouldn’t it be nice to be able to do all that again?” Then I think “Fuck! This is how it happens.” I realized I’ve just fallen into the trap a few minutes earlier I was trying to avoid. All I can do is chuckle and shake my head.