Day 175- God, Don’t Let Me Get Old

Today is not a good day. It’s four days after Christmas.The sun has gone into hiding again and I’ve got more things to do than I have time to do them.  I decide I need to get out of the house so I take a trip to the grocery store and then to White Castle for some sliders. I was near a White Castle last night, got a whiff and the crave for my semi-annual splurge kicked in.

At the grocery store at 1 o’clock in the afternoon are a bunch of old people.  I don’t know if it’s seniors day or what but I’ve never noticed so many old people in the grocery store. They’re shuffling around, bent over. I’ve never wanted to get old, I especially don’t want to get old now.  The thought of living another 20 or 30 years is enough to send me into immediate depression and I already wasn’t having a good day.  I leave the store and head to White Castle.  I don’t go often and I’m pretty sure the last time I was here was with Shayna because Ty won’t eat their hamburgers and Kayla doesn’t eat beef.  I think of Shayna as I order my six sliders. I think of the first time I took her to White Castle.  It’s a story we have told over the years. It was just Kayla and Shayna and I.  Shayna was only five years old, but I remember it like it was yesterday.  As I’m eating my sliders I’m getting more melancholy by the minute.  Maybe I won’t come back to White Castle anymore. These might be my last ones.  I’ve been eating White Castle sliders since I can remember, but I won’t ever be able to eat them again without thinking of Shayna.

I get in the car to head home and on the radio comes The Carpenters song Superstar.  Karen Carpenter can move me to tears on a good day, but today the tears just start flowing.  I think of how Karen has already passed.  Lucky.  Then, comes George Harrison up next. George has already passed.  I want to be where they are.  I’m just bawling in the car now. It’s been a long time since this has happened. Sometimes it seems like the tears are over, but I don’t worry about how many tears there are or when they come anymore. They come when they come.

I decide I need to put my head down, stop thinking about decades out and just focus on getting through the day. One more day.

Posted in

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published.

Schedule Free 30 Minute Consultation

Resources for You

Support My Work

Most of my work is done free of charge. If you’d like to help me keep it going, please make a financial contribution by clicking the button above.

Get the Free e-Book

Get the latest updates and never miss information from Grief 2 Growth.

Plus, you'll receive our bonus eBook, Creating Habits to Relieve Stress.

Someone is sabotaging your happiness

Take the quiz to find out who

Scroll to Top