Day 188- I Can’t Get No Satisfaction

Every once in a while I will have a semi-lucid dream. A lucid dream is a dream in which  you realize you are dreaming and can not only be passive in the dream, but can control it. It can be an amazing experience. If you’ve ever had a vivid lucid dream when you’ve had the ability to fly, you know what I’m talking about.

Since Shayna has passed I have had several dreams about her.  I don’t know any are real visits or if all are just the product of my subconscious.  I suspect the latter.  Tonight, I have a dream that is typical in that there are many scene shifts and no real plot to all of it, but I find myself in a room full of toys and Kayla and Shayna are both there. Kayla is closer to me. Shayna is at the other end of the room. They are about 4 and 7 years old. When I see Shayna I don’t think much about it at first, but then I remember that she has died.  I look at her longingly, just wanting to give her a hug. I being to approach her, but since I know she is dead, I also am aware this is a dream and I know a very delicate state.  I don’t want to wake myself up, so I have to take it easy. I call out to her and ask her to come over to me and give me a hug. She says “No. I can’t give you a hug right now. It’s playtime.“  I ask her again and she refuses again. I slowly and gingerly approach her hoping to reach her before my conscious mind intrudes and then it happens. I find myself back in my bed, again.

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