Day 196- The Nightmare Has Crept Into My Dreams

I find myself in a hospital emergency room. I don’t recall coming here, but I’m sitting on a table talking with a doctor about Shayna. She had been playing either basketball or volleyball. I’m not sure which. Some how she broke her tibia in three places. It was shattered all the way through and I could see clearly on the X-ray they showed me that it had been demolished. The doctor tells me how brave she was when she came in. No panic. No fear. But, she died. We talk about Shayna and I tell her how proud I have always been of her, how amazing she is, then it hits me. She is really gone. I start to cry uncontrollably moaning and wailing. Then I wake up and tears are streaming down my face.

So, the nightmare has now crept into my dreams, at least one dream. The good thing about nightmares is they are short. No matter how terrifying they are, no real harm is done and they last only a few seconds (no matter what it feels like in dream time). When we wake up we think “Well, that was terrifying, but it was only a dream.” This is the mindset that I am counting on to get me through the rest of this dream that we call life. It’s only a short time, no matter what it seems like right now. It feels like permanent damage is being done, there’s real danger, there’s real loss, but all will be restored when I wake up and find myself Home. This is how I get through each and every day. One day closer to the end of the dream.

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