I wake often. Maybe I’m awake more than I’m asleep. The first thought is always, “Did it really happen? Is she really gone?” I mean Shayna was healthy and athletic and 15. She went to bed Tuesday night and didn’t wake up yesterday morning.
Then open my eyes and realize it wasn’t a dream. Next comes the random crushing thought. “She’s all alone.” “The coroner has desecrated her body. “I’ll never tell her good night again.” “How long can I remember her voice?” I am racked with pain. It’s not physical pain. It hurts much worse. It’s crushing pain right down to my soul. My abdomen clinches like someone has punched me in the stomach. The tears flow. The sobs convulse my body. I think, “What did I do wrong? How did I not protect my baby girl right down the hall in my own house?” She and her mother were on a trip last week. They just got back on Saturday. While they were gone I worried. When the plane landed, I breathed a sigh of relief when they got back. Ah, baby bird, back safely in the nest. The last thing I would have ever thought Tuesday night was that I wouldn’t see her Wednesday morning.
I gather Ty and Kayla into my arms. Yesterday I committed to Ty that I would be here for her through this I tell them, “It’s the three of us now on this earthly plane. Shayna will always be a part of our family, but she has gone ahead. We have to stick together, closer than ever if possible. Sometimes one of us will be weak and the others will bear that person up. We will go through this together.”
I write on Facebook “Thank you everyone. I will not be able to address you individually today. But I love each and every one of you.
Shayna Elayne means Beautiful Light, and she filled our hearts with light and love for 15-½ years. She was drop-dead gorgeous, smart, athletic, generous, and fun. Every day was a new adventure for her. Every day was something new to be explored. Yesterday a whole new world opened up to her. I wish I could see it with her.
Pray for Kayla. Pray for wisdom for me to help her and Tywana.