Day 200- A House Is Not A Home

Ty and I knew that someday in the not too distant future we would be empty nesters. When we moved in, we were the (relatively) young couple with the nine month old baby.  We watched as our neighbors’ kids grew up, went to college and moved away. We always tried to take note that someday that would be us.  For that reason, we cherished each and every day, each and every moment with the girls.  We didn’t want to be caught off guard when it was just the two of us again.

When Kayla graduated from high school two years ago, it was awful.  I cried like a baby multiple times. Walking past her room after she moved out, I would just drop my head knowing she was not sleeping in my house anymore.  But at least we had Shayna. Three more years we thought. Shayna gets to be the only child for three years, like Kayla did before her.  Not that Shayna needed the spoiling. Three more years of running to her sports and watching her go to proms, etc.  Never did we imagine those three years would be taken from us the way they were. I get up in the mornings now and look at both of the doors closed on empty bedrooms. We complained about it but I long for Shayna to be taking up our shower as we’re trying to get ready for bed or lying on our bed refusing to go to her own room, wanting to spend just a few more minutes with us.  She was such a little pain in the butt at bed time, even at 15. Those are precious memories.

It’s been seven months since Shayna passed. The home that we built for and with the girls is not the same. Ty and I get through our days.  She looks at the calendar hoping for upcoming events. I still enjoy the solitude of mornings being up and about before everyone else.  It’s different now. It’s only Ty upstairs still sleeping, and the dogs. Zoe is showing signs of aging.  Ty and I are preparing ourselves for the time when she goes to join Shayna. I try to imagine what it’s going to be like when our family that was so recently six is cut to three; just Ty, Stevie and me.  I’m not looking forward to it.

Luther sang a house is not a home if there’s no one there to share it with. It’s still a home now, Ty and I have each other. We have the dogs.  But, it’s certainly not the same home it was.  It’s a really tough adjustment for two people who poured everything we could into the girls and needed that coming back from them. This combined with winter in Ohio.  Blah…. low energy time of year.

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