Day 203- 7 Months and Counting

Today it has been 214 days since Shayna’s passing. It’s been 7 months of unbelievable hell on Earth. 214 days without the light of my life. If you had told me on that day that I’d still be here 7 months from then, I would have told you no way. I don’t know what I thought would happen. I don’t know how I thought I’d depart, but to think I would survive this long was unimaginable to me. There is no way I could make it 7 months. There is no way I could make it 214 days. There is no way I can make it 7 more months or 7 more years or… But, what I have realized this is; while I couldn’t make it 214 days, I could make one day 214 times. And that’s exactly what it’s been. Every day I find a way to get up. I find something I need to get done. I think of someone I need to do something for. When I’m really feeling down during the day, I try to find something that I can do for someone else and that gets me going again. Ty and Kayla are my greatest motivation, but anything I can do for anyone helps. A word of encouragement, a small financial donation for someone in need. I don’t give much to charity anymore, I give to individuals. It doesn’t have to be anything that we could consider big because I’ve found the smallest things are often the biggest. Sometimes it’s just putting down the ideas that pop into my head at 3 o’clock in the morning, spreading them out to the world and hoping they take seed somewhere. Then, every night, I crawl beneath the covers and am grateful I’ve made it through one more day. I’m one more day closer to Mission Accomplished and one day closer to home.

It’s like the Israelites when they were wandering in the desert. God gave them “manna” from heaven. Manna is Hebrew for “what is it”?. This mystery food fell like frost during the night and was gathered up in the morning. The Jews only got enough for one day at a time. They got a double portion the day before the Sabbath so they wouldn’t have to gather on the Sabbath, but the general rule was only enough for today. That is my life now. I write this at 8 AM on a Sunday morning. During the night, God gave me inspiration and energy that I didn’t have when I went to bed last night. I don’t know how I can make it through the week, but I don’t have to. I’m pretty sure I can make it through today and that’s enough.

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