Day 207- Waiting For The End To Come

Today we make the drive up to UT to pick Kayla up from school. It’s the letting go of more things. We have agreed to let Kayla take my old car back to school with her this time so she won’t be dependent on us to have to pick her up and take her back to school. I should be happy about this. It will save me twelve hours in the car several times a year and my new car that has been racking up the miles will be saved some miles on the odometer, but it’s another step towards her independence from me, so I’ve been resisting it. It is time to let it go. In a couple of days she will drive off to Toledo on her own for the first time.

Today is also the day when I meet her boyfriend for the first time. This is the first boy Kayla has wanted us (or at least me) to meet. She hasn’t even mentioned him to me directly. All communication about him has been through Ty. I don’t ask questions about him. I always knew whatever boy Kayla found would not be good enough for me. It doesn’t matter. She will always be my little girl. I’ve always known that one day I would have to deal with this and one day she will ask me to walk her down the aisle and give her away, well maybe not. She is a huge feminist, but the impact on me will be the same. One day, in the not distant future, I will really have to let her go. Shayna leaving us so suddenly didn’t help. I’ve gone from being Dad and Daddy to not knowing my place in the world anymore. This day is one more nail in that coffin.

Ty and I meet her boyfriend in the Starbucks on campus. He’s a nice young man. Very bright. Well spoken. He’s a pharmacy major. A geek. Yeah, nice kid. Doesn’t matter. He’s taking my Kayla away. I don’t like him. But, I know I have to make nice for Kayla and for Ty, so I do my best.

Letting go… It’s all letting go now. There is a time in life when you are adding things, building, creating. Then, we turn a corner and it seems to be about letting go. The kids grow up and move away. You’re downsizing the house. You find you can’t buy everything at Costco anymore because there are only two of you. The hustling bustling household has less and less members. Waiting for the end to come is all I can think of right now. That line from Linkin Park keeps rattling around in my brain.