Kayla is home for the weekend. I love it when she comes home. Nothing is better. It is so cool having your daughter as one of your best friends. Kayla gets me and I get her. Our relationship isn’t like hers and Shayna’s, of course. And I don’t kid myself that I am her best friend. She misses her silly sister to have strange conversations with like “If Zoe were a human what would her favorite color be?”, but Kayla and I love being together.
We all go out for Mexican tonight and we talk about just life. This one, the next one, time itself, all that stuff. This is conversation we would not have had with Ty a year ago, but a lot has changed in a year. Kayla has had a dream about Shayna where she asks her something about the future and whether a certain thing will happen since Shayna probably has some insight into that now. Ty asks Kayla to ask about whether we will make it. I ask her what she means by “Will we make it?” She clarifies “Through this grief. Will we make it through this grief?” I think Kayla and I have the same thought. We don’t need to ask Shayna. I say “Yes, we will make it because there is no other option.” There is no not making it. We will live as long as we will and we will have the grief. Then we will die and the grief will be over. The grief will not pass as long as we live. And the grief will not continue after we die. Whether that is a day, a year, a decade or several decades, we will make it. We don’t need someone in the spirit world to answer that question. Kayla reiterates to Ty that Shayna has told her that she is around. Others have told us Shayna is around us. We talk about her being here and us not being able to raise our vibrational levels high enough to to sense her. In my dreams is when I see her. That is common because our thinking brains don’t get in the way, as much. But as soon as I realize Shayna has passed and I get excited about seeing her I usually break the connection. We decide to come home and watch then movie Ghost. Kayla has never seen it.
In the movie, Patrick Swayze is killed suddenly and his girlfriend, Demi Moore, is the one who can’t sense him. He has to find a medium, Whoopi Goldberg, to be their go-between. But he is still there, still concerned about her life, still active in her life as he guides her through a dangerous situation. We all think about our Shayna as we watch the movie. We remain cognizant that she is still here, still part of the family even though we can’t usually sense her. Ty and I are both working on trying to become more attuned to her presence.
One thing we do know. This won’t be forever. Ty tells us Shayna’s passing has gotten her over her fear of death. Ty has been through the slow death of her father from Alzheimer’s and now is watching her mother go through a similar process with dementia. She has learned so much over the past five plus years. I got over my fear of death a while ago, but Shayna’s passing gives me something to look forward to. If I live, fine. If I die, great. Kayla tells us she has never feared death because she knows it will better than here. Not that she wants to go any time soon, but Kayla seems to just have a knowing about certain things.
After Ghost, we head off to bed and to dreamland. It’s been a very good night spent with my two favorite people on the planet reminiscing about and looking forward to seeing my favorite person in heaven.
