Day 21- Hyper Vigilance

After the sudden and unexpected loss of a loved one, our nerves and emotions are raw and jumbled.  The last three weeks have been a state of confusion for me as I swing from peaceful (for a few moments), to angry, to confused, to despondent, to guilty and God knows what else.

Hyper vigilance is something I’m experiencing. When Ty found Shayna in her room, not breathing, she screamed for me.  It’s a scream that I’ll never forget.  Now the sound of her voice, when elevated sends me into hyper vigilant mode. Ty screams when she see a bug. The other day she saw a mosquito in the house and I thought someone else had died.  Then, there was the time I saw her carrying Stevie (our 15 pound dog) in from the back yard. I saw her as she came up onto the deck, holding Stevie in her arms. For some reason, in my mind, it looked like she was crying. I thought Stevie had died.  Killed by a coyote? I I don’t know. It turns out she was carrying Stevie because Stevie wouldn’t come when she called her.  Then, a day or two after that, she was upstairs laughing with Kayla, but when I heard her voice, it sounded like she was crying.  I nearly went sprinting up the stairs.  I thought something had happened to Kayla.

This sucks, but they tell me it’s normal.  

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