Whatever Gets You Through The Night
Nearly eight months into this new life of mine, I must confess that I marvel at myself and Ty and Kayla. The fact that we are still here, still standing is good. That Kayla is back at school is amazing. Ty and I are still running the business and handling all the daily tasks of running a household, albeit a much smaller household. As Ty and I discussed it last night, it’s like Shayna just vanished. One minute she was here. I said “I love you Sweetie, good night.” And the next she was gone, I was giving her lifeless body CPR. No accident, no illness, no warning, no explanation. Just here one minute and gone the next. The surreality of it is beyond words. I don’t know if it makes it easier or more difficult.
The first few days I had no idea how I was going to survive this. In fact I did not want to survive it. I still don’t. But, survive I must. So, how have I done it? I’m a “whatever works” kind of person, the opposite of orthodox. Whatever gets you through the night. I am pragmatic. If it works, I’ll do it. I’m not advising any of my coping mechanisms for anyone other than me.
In no particular order, I have come up with several things that I have used. I’ll put them in alphabetical order.
Blogging/Writing- writing is therapeutic for me, but as much as writing having people read what I write in hopes it might help someone else.
Church- Ty and I switched churches shortly after Shayna’s death. We needed something more practical, something that could help us in the here and now.
Continuing Bond approach- Ty and I believe that Shayna is still here with us. We talk to her. We tell her we love her. We have reminders of her around the house.
– Drugs- prescription drugs and alcohol
– Exercise- walking, T25.
– Friends- walks, talks, instant messaging
– Grief counseling- one on one and groups
– Groups- Facebook NDE group, various parent support groups
– Letting go- lots of cleaning up, selling things, destroying things
– Meditation- learning about my mind. Learning to control my thoughts. Discovering my true self/nature.
– Mediums- I have had a few readings. This helps reinforce the idea of the continuing bond
– Prayer- talking to my higher power. Lots of asking for help.
– Studying/reading/Podcasts- lots and lots of reprogramming my mind to understand my nature, the nature of the world and the reality of the purpose of life.
Over the course of the next several days I will write more about each of these and how they have helped me get through this time to this point anyway.