This is the key to me being able to continue to walk the face of this planet. Underlying just about every one of my coping mechanisms is the belief/hope that Shayna is still here with us. As Paul wrote, we don’t mourn as those who have no hope. But, it’s even more than I will see her again one day, in the by-and-by which is what I was taught. I believe that our loved ones who have crossed over are simply in another dimension, at a different vibration or however you’d like to term it, but they are still right here and the veil is thin, particularly from their side.
A growing approach to grief counseling is this continuing bonds approach. Both grief counselors I met with used it even though I did not hear the term until much later. Both encouraged me to continue to think of Shayna as part of the family. For Ty and Kayla it has come naturally. We look for and acknowledge signs from Shayna and we have seen many. I have spoken with mediums who have been able to contact Shayna. And, I am working on my own ability to be able to hear her.
It’s not the same as having Shayna here physically, but we do the best with what we have. I say good morning to Shayna’s picture on the staircase every morning as I leave my bedroom. I tell her good night as I take the dogs out for the last time, face turned to the stars. I don’t know why but when I’m outside, I envision her up there. I talk to her in the car and I imagine (feel?) her sitting in the passenger side as I’m running my errands. I hear her correcting my form as I do my workout. I miss her constant chatter, but I try to think about what she would be saying if I could hear her. And I believe she is sitting right there chattering away probably frustrated because I can’t hear her.
This continuing bonds approach is a bit difficult because it seems too good to be true and it’s a lot like having an imaginary friend. The rational side of me tries to tell me that I’m deluding myself, but from what I read and I listen to it’s not a delusion. Our loved ones are still involved in our lives, still care about us and are still right here hoping we will acknowledge and appreciate their presence. I do this as much for Shayna as I do it for myself because I know we have an untreatable bond and I believe it’s still important to her. I know it is to me. So, on a daily basis I do what I can to reinforce that bond and to reinforce my belief in it because it’s the really the only thing that gets me through the days and nights.
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