When I was listing out my coping techniques, I came up with both prayer and mediation. They are similar, but not exactly the same for me. I try to mediate daily, for at least 20 minutes. Meditation is just sitting with what is. Prayer is when I reach out to ask for help or to try to make a change. I’m not much good at prayer. I’ve never really understood it. Jesus said our Father knows what we need before we ask. So, why do we have to ask? Prayer doesn’t make a lot of sense, yet it’s a natural thing almost all of us do if we are desperate enough. I was watching a television program last night where one of the characters had been injured. She was pregnant and feared losing the baby. She prayed that God would take her and save the baby. He did not. She survived, the baby did not. So, her conclusion was that God did not exist. Even those of us who claim there is one there to hear reach out during those times of desperation. When we found Shayna and after the paramedics had arrived, I begged, I pleaded in every way I know how for God to bring her back. He did not. The chaplain at the hospital kept praying for God’s will to be done. Dammit, no. Not God’s will. Just bring her back. That’s what I was praying. What is the point of praying “Just do what you’re going to do anyway?”
So, I don’t get the whole prayer thing. It does seem to help sometimes. So I do it on occasion, usually during those wee hours of the morning when I’m drifting in and out of sleep. Usually I just ask for the strength to make it through one more day. That’s one prayer that hasn’t let me down. I’m still here.
