Day 291- So Lonely

It’s another glorious spring day. The temperature is right around 50º, perfect for walking. Ty’s going to Lexington today to celebrate her friend’s birthday. So, today will be a day of solitude for me. Normally, I would look forward to a day when I can be by myself and do what I want, when I want to do it, but today, I wake up with the Police song “Hole In My Life” on my mind. For some reason the last couple of days have been particularly difficult. Or maybe for no reason, at least no reason I can put my finger on. I take a brisk 5 mile walk listening to Prince’s last album before he passed marveling at his talent and more than bit jealous that he’s there and I’m here. Then I put no Outlandos D’Amour by the Police and listen to So Lonely and Hole In My Life. I return from my walk and go into Shayna’s room where I’ve put my inversion table, at least for the time being. I haven’t gone into her room much since she passed, but I’m in there daily now. I look at the furniture she helped me put together. I missed her so much earlier this week when I was assembling the inversion table, because she was always right there with me when it came time to put things together. I look around her room which is pretty much the way she left it ten months ago now. It’s still hard to accept she’s gone. And, she left a huge hole in my life.

I jump into the shower. It’s one of those times where I just really don’t want to be anywhere. Nothing sounds exciting. Nothing sounds interesting. I just stand there letting the water splash over my body determined I’m never going to get out. This is all I want to do today. Finally, I give up on that fantasy, get out and dry off. Time to face another day.