Day 293- I Woke Up This Way

Tonight as I’m traveling in dream world I have one of the most bizarre, confusing and even violent dreams I’ve ever had. It starts off with Tywana and me at someone’s house, visiting. They are smoking pot, so we smoke with them. It leaves us both dazed and confused. It’s not a pleasant feeling at all. We leave there and come home. Kayla is here and we don’t want her to know we’re stoned, so we try to act normal. Ty leaves the house to go somewhere so it’s just Kayla and I at the house. We decide to go for a walk, but for some reason, we can’t leave until Tywana gets home. We’re upset that she’s taking so long to come back home. It’s getting dark and we wanted to walk while the sun was still up.

Finally, she comes back home so we can leave for our walk. I’m going to throw something away and I open the dishwasher instead of the trash can. As I look into the dishwasher, I see a bunch of stuff Tywana meant to throw away. She has done the same thing. I get angry with her for throwing trash in the dishwasher, even though I was about to do the same thing.

As I walk down the foyer towards the front door, I realize I have on my old long wool dress coat. This isn’t the jacket I need for walking. So, I take it off to put it in the closet, but I can’t remember which door is the closet and which is the bathroom. I finally figure it out and put it away.

Kayla and I step outside. I thought it was summer, but it’s a crisp fall night. It’s pitch dark.But, I grabbed a flashlight and we’re just going to take a couple of laps around the block. As we’re walking we notice the red and yellow leaves carpeting the ground, but when I look at what should be our neighbors’ houses, I see a concrete building I don’t recognize. I don’t know where I am. I guess we must be on vacation somewhere.

Then, the night scene turns to full daylight and we’re walking on a beach. Kayla is ecstatic. Beach vacations were the girls’ favorites. Kayla starts running up and down the beach. But, she’s grabbing people’s beach bags. For some reason, she thinks people have left them. They are lined up, but the owners are only a few feet away. She grabs them one after another yelling with joy at the bags she’s finding. People are looking at her and getting upset. Finally one woman runs up to her and shoves her to the ground, hard. Then she stands over her and starts yelling at her about how she is going to call the police and press charges. She begins hitting Kayla. I grab both of her arms from behind telling her to stop that Kayla is just a child. Kayla is only 13 in my dream. But, she’s 6’ tall (like she is now). The woman just will not stop. I can feel her violently trying to wrench herself away from me. I don’t want to hurt her, but I’m not going to let her hurt Kayla. I hear people in the background talking about how much trouble this is going to be for Kayla, how this crime will follow her for the rest of her life. She’ll never get away from it. Meanwhile, this woman is still yelling and threatening to hurt Kayla. I pull my fist back as if I’m going to smash her face in. I hope the intimidating gesture will awaken her to the reality I could seriously hurt her. I have no intention of actually hitting her. I don’t want to hit her. I know the people watching think I’m going to hit her. I just want it to stop.

Then I realize it’s a dream and all I need to do is will myself to wake up. I do and I’m back in my bed. Wow. Weird dream. What I quickly realize that is disturbing about it though, more disturbing than being so disoriented, more disturbing than Kayla acting so bizarre, more disturbing than the violence, is that Shayna wasn’t in my dream. And, I’m back in this world, waking up once again to a world without Shayna. I don’t want to be here either. Why can’t I wake up from this?

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