swimming home

Day 3287- The Other Side

It’s been three thousand, two hundred and eighty-seven days since Shayna passed. I’ve almost stopped doing day-count blogs, but on the year before the ten-year anniversary, I feel it’s appropriate.

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Swimming Home

Anniversaries are strange things. We reflect on three hundred sixty five day cycles we call a year. What would otherwise be an “ordinary day”, whatever that is, becomes a day of intense joy or pain or sometimes both.

I slept in, so the do not disturb that ends at seven am expired and my phone started chirping with notices.

As I walked my six miles this morning, I was taken back to that day. I looked up at Shayna’s window as I left the house, thinking how on that day, when the weather was exactly the same, I blissfully walked right past that window, not realizing her body was lying in her bed, not breathing. I walked three miles, returned to my office, and started working, until the moment Tywana found her lifeless and screamed the scream that marked the end of one life and the beginning of the next for me.

I powered through the walk at a fast pace, choosing first to listen to Heart’s Magazine album and then to the album I discovered right after Shayna’s passing- Evanescence by Evanscence. Why they decided to make their third album their eponymous album, I may never know. But it’s the album that touches me the deepest. Amy Lee’s angelic voice carries songs from rockers to haunting, melodic, dreamy masterpieces. Eight of the sixteen songs are dedicated to the pain of living in the body when your loved one is on the other side. It’s an album to put on when you want to feel all the feels of being human.

My favorite songs:

  • My Heart Is Broken
  • The Other Side
  • Lost In Paradise
  • The End Of The Dream
  • Oceans
  • Never Go Back
  • Swimming Home
  • Secret Door

I’ll take it easy today. Tywana and Kayla are going to the animal shelter to play with kittens and make a donation in Shayna’s name. I forgot to block out my calendar, so I have a podcast interview this afternoon. I leave you with this:

Turn out the light
Feed the fire ’til my soul breathes free
My heart is high as the waves above me
Don’t need to understand
Too lost to lose
Don’t fight my tears, ’cause they feel so good

And I, I will remember how to fly
Unlock the heavens in my mind
Follow my love back through the same secret door

Look past the end
It’s a dream, as it’s always been
All life lives on if we’ve ever loved it

And I, I will remember how to fly
Unlock the heavens in my mind
Follow my love back through the same secret door

I, I will remember how to fly
Unlock the heavens in my mind
Follow my love back through the same secret door

Secret Door- Amy Lee

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