Day 331- Home Is Not A Place

The phrase “Home is where the heart is.” always meant to me that home was the place where you felt most comfortable, where your heart longed to be. My home has changed over the years. I have moved many times. Each time it would take me a few weeks to adjust. Home is Colmbus, now it’s Lexington, now it’s Cincinnati. Some places I lived never became home.

I’ve never been a vacation kind of guy. I am a homebody. I’ve made my home just the way I like it and I do not understand leaving it to “get away”. Every vacation I’ve been on I’ve just counted down the days until I could go home. This has been especially true when it was just me away from Tywana or the two of us away from the girls. I would count the days until we were all together. But really, even if we were all together, I still wanted us to be together at home.

There is something different this time about being on vacation. For the first time I really don’t care about going home. I miss Stevie and Zoe. I want to see them again, but going back to that house? I really don’t care all that much if I ever get back there again. I’m not sure why the shift. I miss Shayna like crazy. I think of her all the time while we’re together on vacation. At dinner, what would she be ordering from? The Uno cards in the condo remind us all she would be bugging us to play. Her bouncing off the walls with excitement as we tour the botanical gardens. For Shayna every day was an adventure. Actual adventures were just over the top for her. Knowing that whether I stay here in Phoenix or go back to that house or travel to the moon, she will not be there just makes no particular place home right now. Being with Tywana, Kayla and the dogs is the best I can do for now and it really doesn’t matter where.

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