After starting the day with the numb feeling and being worried that I wasn’t grieving properly or enough or whatever, I had several crying spells that let me know for sure it was not over. So, put that worry aside.
Today I had a meeting with someone I would like to believe will become a friend. The daughter of some friends introduced us because this guy has been on a spiritual quest for the last few years after losing his mother. He has become what some would call an intuitive. He seems to know things about Shayna that I was really curious to hear. So, we met for lunch. He told me things about Shayna and Kayla that brought me great comfort and peace. He gave me some advice that I think will be very beneficial to me. Ty went along with me so she got to hear it first hand. It brought her comfort also.
The point I would like to make with this entry though is I learned of this guy from the daughter of a friend who was a bit reluctant to reach out to me. I’m glad she overcame that reluctance. We have never met and she wasn’t sure if she might offend me by even offering what he had told her about Shayna and her state now. I’m glad she took that risk. Another friend sent me the link to the interview of a doctor who had had an NDE. She was concerned that there were “triggers” in the interview that might upset me. What I don’t think she knew is I read about everything I can get my hands on about NDEs for many years. That had slowed down as I became comfortable with my own death. With Shayna’s death, my obsession has rekindled. That link led to another link which led to another link which led to a virtual treasure trove of after life knowledge (We Don’t Die Radio) that I have been consuming as fast as I can get it into my tiny brain. We we have these two people who were a bit hesitant to offer something. They both did and I am richer for it. I think these things were meant to come into my life and I’m glad they came through those two people. And there are many more examples too numerous to name. I got a message just this morning from a woman I don’t know. The friend of a friend (a friend I have only met one time). It was just the message I needed at that time. If you feel you have a message for someone, I would like to encourage you to share it. I can say that dozens, if not hundreds of people have reached out to me during this time and all of it has been beneficial. Do some people say the wrong things? Yes, they do. However the sincere thought behind it makes up for the clumsy words that we all use sometimes.
I studied NDEs for years because I grew up fearful of death because of the church I was raised in. When I rejected the teaching that God sends people to eternal hell, I was headed for the other ditch. That is the idea there there is no God at all and that we simply vanish when we die. Studying what we know about the afterlife has helped restore my faith. It allowed me to overcome the panic attacks I had for about 25 years and to enjoy the years with Shayna and Kayla and Ty. Was I preparing (or being prepared) for this? I’m starting to believe I was. I can say this. It’s saving my sanity because without that preparation for this event, I’m pretty sure I wouldn’t be able to survive this and I mean that literally.