Last night we had a close call in one of the groups I’m in on Facebook. The good news is I think all ended well. A new member who had seemed despondent decided it was time to give up on life and go join her departed child. A long story short, some people quickly jumped into action. If you don’t know, you should, Facebook has a way report to report suicidal comments. I’m providing a link here, but if you ever need it just Google “Facebook suicide report” Several loving and caring people started making posts on her page, contacting her Facebook friends and finally someone got in touch with her sister who called the police. The last I heard she was resting in the hospital.
When I read her post, I was filled with anxiety, but I could fully understand how she felt and even felt a little jealous that she might be going home before I would. I can’t imagine being a parent who has had a child pass and to not think of ending it all. The pain is excruciating. The grief is exhausting. And there is no end in sight. If you believe your child is dead, truly gone. Then you have nothing to look forward to. If you believe she’s in a better place, you want to go join her. There are going to be times when you just want it all to STOP.
But, keep this in mind. She’s not gone. She’s right here. She would not want you to take your own life. She wants you to be happy right here right now. There are other people who care about you. There are probably many more than you realize. A guy who I was friends with on Facebook committed suicide several years ago. His family and real life friends I’m sure were devastated. What surprised me and probably surprised him (because I’m sure he knows now) is the impact it had on his Facebook community. Years later, people are still remembering him and posting on his page. Do you want to put them through what you’re going through, again? I say again because they’re feeling the loss of your child too. When it seems you can’t go on another day, try to make it another hour or even another minute.
There are times when being here just feels so foreign. I had this experience this morning while I was on my walk doing a meditation. I just felt so weird in my body. It felt heavy and fat and old and just uncomfortable. It was one of the moments when I fully realized my body is not me. It’s just a vehicle my consciousness passes through. It felt a bit like scuba diving. I’m immersed in this environment I’m not suited for, not meant to be in and only here by virtue of having on this gear that allows me to survive here.
This life can be overwhelming at times and suffering the early passing of a child has to be among the absolute worst things that can happen. There are times when life feels like you’re stuck in a bad marriage and all you want is a divorce. “Just let me out. Anything has to be better than this.”. But, commit now to hanging in till the end. Commit to yourself and to your loved ones that no matter how bad things get you won’t try to end it (because life never really ends- you’ll just end up over there regretting it). There are times in a marriage when you don’t feel like going on, but you remember your vows and you hang in and things get better.
As a final thought, whether you decide to end your body or not, the good news is one day you will go home. You will see your child again. That’s the only thing guaranteed in this life. And if you stay the course, it’ll be a glorious reunion and you’ll be so proud that you made it through.
Hang in there.