Day 394- Killing Time

Today is Tywana’s birthday. She and Kayla went to Pennsylvania to visit her sister and I’ve been here with just the dogs for a day and will be for the next two days.  Just sitting around, doing nothing and killing time.

Yesterday, after they left I spent the day relaxing. I sat on the deck and read for a while. Cooking for one has never been a lot of fun, so I had leftovers for lunch and dinner.  I binged on some Netflix, watched a movie and turned in early.

Today I’m up before the sun. It’s going to be hot, hot, hot, so I need to get my walk in before it gets too hot. I decide to take an easy walk, but I add an extra mile knowing I won’t be out and about too much today.  I decide to go to Jungle Jim’s to kill some time and I even download Pokemon Go, to see what that’s all about.

Since Shayna’s passing, I’ve been working diligently on changing my perspective and the shift is happening. As that shift happens, the things of this world become less interesting though.  I feel like my best days are behind me and I’m not looking forward to the ones stretching out in front of me. There was a time when I had so much to do, I felt I had to be “productive” all the time.  When we had the girls here, there was always something to do for them or with them: a game to go to, a swim meet to watch. Now, there’s only work (the business) and I’m sick of working on that all the time, especially since it seems nothing I do there really pays off.  Working for living isn’t my idea of what I’m here for.  I’m feeling frustrated and stuck and ready for the next thing.