Day 4- More Tears

I wake up today to more tears. A good cry every morning before getting out of bed is the new normal.

My friends and family are rallying around me in unbelievable ways. Food has been brought to the house. Everyone asks what she can do. Gestures are made. Offers to do anything and everything I need. The support couldn’t be better, but no one can crawl into the abyss with us. Ty and Kayla and I pull each other closer-physically and spiritually. Nothing will separate us. Nothing will separate us from Shayna. We commit to speaking of her often, telling Shayna stories. Teasing. We are in hell, but we don’t plan to stay here.

A friend mentions my posts on Facebook might be too intense for some. I give my friends the opportunity to opt out. Just unsubscribe for a while because this is going to be one big pity party for as far as my eye can see. But, my friends reject that notion, some violently. They want to crawl into the pit with me. They say if I’m in hell, they will pull up a chair. I am crushed, but I feel the love. Often the love of people I have never met.

A man I’ve know only on Facebook volunteers to come in from 500 miles away to officiate if I like. I am deeply touched.

This is what I posted on Facebook

“I made a post that must not have been clear. I have NO intention of giving up this source of healing. I gave some the opportunity to opt out. And I still make that offer.

The love I have been receiving is, I would say overwhelming, but I am thirstily and selfishly drinking it in. Many of the messages send me into sobbing fits, but sobbing is good now.

Thank you my friends. You have my deepest gratitude. I am truly blessed.”

Yesterday I worked on her obituary. Once again, I realized just how special this girl was. My heart swelled with pride as I recalled her accomplishments, as I thought about how many friends she had, as I thought about how she touched each person in such a special way. But, then it was quickly crushed as I realized that her time to touch people was over and I was writing the final words about my baby.