Day 416- I Am A Warrior

… and so are you.  

Today I was taking my walk, making one of the turns at the end of a cul de sac. There I encounter a guy I see walking his pit bull  pretty often. He came across the street toward me.  I removed my headphones so I could hear because I saw his lips moving. “How far do you walk every day he asked?”  I answered “5 miles”.  “Good for you.” he replied,  He sees me out there struggling and sweating and was impressed by my determination. Ha! He doesn’t know the half. I put my earphones back in and kept moving trying to maintain my pace and get back to the time goal I had set for today.

Walking is therapeutic for me in many senses.  I sometimes imagine each step is another day on my road Home.  My walk is about 8,500 steps.  If each step were a day, that’d be 23 years.  Could I make 23 years?  No way.  But, each morning when I start out, I don’t feel like I can make that five miles. The first quarter mile is tough as my body is warming up. Then I hit a rhythm and it gets easier. At times I get tired. I feel the muscles in my calves seizing up.  If I think “Three more miles, I’ll get discouraged.”  When I feel like I can’t make the whole thing, I look down at the road and just focus on the next step, then the next step- one day at a time.

A few days ago as I was walking with Bill, he was concerned that I was “stuck”.  And in one sense he’s right.  I’m not in a good place. But, here’s what also came to me.  I’m getting up every day.  I’m going to work. I was walking with him.  I have started a group to help other parents get through this journey.  I am a warrior. 

I hope that one day some other parent who is dealing with the premature transition of her son or daughter will read this.  If you’re reading this and that’s you, I want you to know you are a warrior, too.  If you’ve gotten out of bed.  If you’ve eaten, if you’ve gotten dressed, if you’re just sitting there and drawing breath, you have won a victory.  You have won a battle.  You are a warrior. Give yourself a pat on the back and take a bow.  You deserve it.

Fight on.