I remember being a kid and, I think like most kids, I couldn’t want to grow up. When I was grown I would be able to do what I wanted to do when I wanted to do it. No more people telling me where to be and when to be there or what I couldn’t do. Ha! What a laugh. Shayna always had the right idea. Shayna cherished being a kid. Once she told us she didn’t want to grow up, she just wanted to stay our little girl forever. Oh, how I would have taken her up on that. We explained to her she had to grow up. It wasn’t our choice. It wasn’t her choice. She asked if she had to get boobs. She definitely did not want to get boobs. She cried when we told her there was no way to stop the process. Google “adulting memes”. I’m not the only one. This one pretty much expresses the way I feel today. Adulting- We Hates It
When the girls were born, they were each joyous days, but there was that niggling feeling always in the back of my mind. I knew that it wouldn’t last forever. One day- in the far, far distant future, they’d grow up, go to college, get married. But, that day was not today, so I’d set it aside and try to enjoy the day. Each milestone was bittersweet, kindergarten graduation, the first day of public school, all of those things. I celebrated for them, but my heart would break for me. Each time would let me know I was growing closer and closer to these days which are worse than my worst imaginings. Looking forward from four or five years ago, Kayla should be in college now. I was as prepped for that as I could be. I would look at Kayla and think one day she’s going to get married and she’s going to want me to “give her away. I can’t do that. Maybe I’ll be stronger by then. Shayna was supposed to be in her junior or senior year of high school. I was not prepped for this- not even a little bit.
This summer has been a bit of a respite. Kayla has been home since May and it’s been joyous to have her in the house, even though I haven’t seen her a lot since we have such different sleep schedules. A couple of weeks ago it hit me that it was almost time for her to go back to college. That’s been part of the funk I’ve been in. Today, is the day. Each of these days we dread, no matter how far out they seem, one day they actually do come around.
Tywana has been awesome helping Kayla with her college. Tywana is the one who took her on all of the visits, helped with the scholarship applications, filled out the financial aid paperwork, helped her shop for her dorm and now her apartment. She has done it all. I’ve sat back and let her handle it because i just can’t, especially now. I haven’t been much help with Kayla’s getting ready to go back this year and move into her first apartment. The best I’ve been able to do is not complain too much about all the stuff Tywana is buying for her to get her set up. Kayla will lack for nothing as she moves in. Oh wait, her tapestry for the wall in her bedroom has been delayed. She won’t have that for a couple of weeks. How will she manage?
In a little while, once they get up, we’ll head up the road to Kayla’s apartment. I will drive Kayla’s car. They will go in Tywana’s. So, I’ll have three hours by myself to think about it. They need my muscle to help her get moved in. We’ll make a stop at Target for something Kayla needs and take her to the Costco up there to get her stocked up. Moving her into her own apartment is the last thing I want to do right now. Whose idea was it that we have to grow up? Shayna, you were right. This adulting thing is no fun at all.