Day 439- Hating What Is

For several years now I’ve been running in circles where Byron Katie’s “The Work” keeps coming up.  I’m not a big fan of modern formulaic solutions to life’s problems.  I am highly skeptical as I’ve found many/most of them to be just ancient wisdom, repackaged to sell a program and/or a book.  That doesn’t mean they are all worthless, but I think most are.

I’m not all that that familiar with “The Work” but one thing I’ve bristled at is the concept of “Loving What Is”.  I always hear that”  To put it in Donald Trump terms, loving what is is for losers.  I am an American, a male. I was trained to change what is.  I have little patience for people who whine and moan about things they could easily, or even not so easily, change.  If you don’t like something, don’t complain about it,  do something about it. That’s been my motto.

Loving What Is about accepting reality. There is one battle you are sure to lose every time, should you choose to fight it. That is the battle against what is.  Sure, we can bend the future, but the future isn’t here yet and we really do not know that the future that is in our mind will be the actual future.  We can try to influence our path, but we can’t know what it will be.  We certainly can’t change the past.  And, we cannot change what is- only how we react to it.

I have come to realize that my wanting to escape from this world is my way of  fighting against the reality of Shayna not being here.  I have not accepted it. I don’t want to accept it.  It’s not in me to accept it.  So I fight it.  But, all of the tools I have for changing things are completely useless against this reality.  I envision a future that I cannot bear to think about. So, my “fix” is to wish it away.  There’s no changing the reality as long as I’m on this plane, so let me off of this plane.

I have also come to realize this is something that cannot endure. It’s not fair to me because it makes me miserable. It’s not fair to those who love me because it sends the message that they are not good enough to make we want to stay here, but frankly I feel torn in half.  One moment I’m willing to be here, the next moment all I want to do is escape.

If half the battle is identifying the problem, then maybe I’ve won half the battle.  I have to learn to love what is.  It won’t be forever.  That’s my salvation.  But, for today, for this moment, I’ve got to learn to love what is.

Now, how do I start?

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