I’ve written many times about how time is my enemy. I am also mystified by what exactly time is. It seems intuitively obvious. Things go from past to present to future in an orderly, inexorable fashion. But, physicists and philosophers tell us it’s all an illusion. Afterlife communications tell us everything from there is no time on the “other side” to time is just very, very different there. People who have had NDEs tell us they can’t even explain what time is like there or if there is time.
A couple of days ago I was talking with the aunt of my distant cousin who passed suddenly at 16. She was saying how time for her seems to be stuck, but it’s a good kind of stuck because it keeps Yasmine close in her heart. Yet, she’s stuck in a very painful place because while Yasmine is in her heart, Yasmine is no longer here with us physically. I can SO relate to this. Wanting to move past the pain, but identifying the pain with holding our loved one close. I was also talking with a father (a father, not a mother- YAY!) whose 3-year-old daughter passed just over a month ago. He also expressed exactly what I feel. He doesn’t feel right here without her. She was his world. She made this place his home. Without her being here, he feels like he’s not home anymore. Every day that goes by is one day closer to going Home, but it’s also one day further removed from the last time he saw her, held her, kissed her.
None of us knows how much time we have left. Even after living through Shayna leaving so suddenly and unexpectedly and since talking with so many parents who should know we don’t know what tomorrow holds, I find myself being overwhelmed when I think of my future. I get depressed when I get back into the mode of thinking this physical life is more important than it really is and is way longer than it really is. Time may be my enemy, but Time is also self-defeating. It spends itself as it blocks me from my goal. No matter what happens- good or bad, no matter how well I deal with this or how poor I deal with it, if I thrive or if I just curl up into a ball, time marches on and there is only so much of it before I reach my goal. So bring it on, Time. I will beat you.