Psalms 144:4; “Man is like a breath; his days are like a passing shadow.”
There was a time when this verse would have been depressing for me as I imagine it is for most people. When I identified with my body and this life, I wanted that life to be as long as possible. The thought of death was a thought that I wanted to avoid. I wanted to avoid it so badly that for decades the thought of death would bring on panic attacks, which, ironically, felt like dying, or at least the way I imagine dying feels.
Of late though the idea that this life is brief is a mercy to me. I’ve been listening to a lot of 70s and 80s music on Sirius XM. I’ll glance down at a song from 1978 or 1982 and do a quick mental calculation in my head. “That was 38 years ago.” or “That was 34 years ago.” Then, I project forward. 38 years in the future I’d be 93. I probably won’t live to 93. 38 years doesn’t seem so long when I look back. So, the end of the road doesn’t seem so far away when I project that forward. “I can do this.” I think.
Yeah, I know it seems morose. But, it’s what I’ve got right now. I’m torn between two worlds. Well, not so much really. I am in this world, but I’m definitely not of it- as Paul advised. When I listen to afterlife accounts, to the joys that wait for us when we get back Home, I’m homesick. This place has always seemed crazy to me, but it was all I knew. It just seems crazier and crazier the clearer the picture of where we are meant to be comes into view. So, when I’m thinking about enduring this place, the idea that 70 or 80 years spent here will one day seem like the blink of an eye is a perspective that allows me to keep plowing forward.