Also taken from the book Forever With You by Patrick Matthews. Great book. I recommend it.
When you lose someone as close as Shayna was to me, there are times when you simply do not want to go on. Everyone tells you “one day at a time”. People tell you to just get through it. Well, first I have to want to get through it. It’s completely normal to lose your desire to even live. I know that for most of us survival is the greatest good. Any life is better than none. That’s why we cling to life, even at the end, even when the quality of life is gone, we will spend thousand of dollars and endure incredible suffering just to hang on a bit longer. But, why is survival in this life the ultimate good? Do we know what we like, or do we simply like what we know? If we truly believe that the next world is a better place, we would want to be there, wouldn’t we? I have no doubt Shayna is in a better place and I haven’t for a moment since she passed. What I’ve doubted is my desire to be here and my ability to continue to be here.
This reading was for a woman who had lost her boyfriend in a car accident. She was despondent to the point of considering suicide. She also asked the questions I have had. I will pick it up there.
After a moment more of weeping and crying she cried out “Well, I want to be with him!” Steve and I felt the same concern as we heard those words and we both knew that she was on the verge of taking her own life. I could also feel the love and compassion Steve had for her and knew that he was ready to convey his message for her. “Steve is saying how much you meant to him and still do. But he also wants you to know that you cannot be with him in spirit at this time,” I relayed “Why not?” she screamed. “I know if I kill myself I will be with him again!” “Yes, even though you would also be in spirit, it would not be the way you imagine; in fact, it would be the opposite. By taking your life, you are changing the course of your journey and with that, all that you are still meant to do and accomplish. Once in spirit, you will be aware of this and very much regret what has taken place, along with seeing and feeling the consequences of your actions with those who love you and whom you have left behind. Also, keep in mind, not only will you be robbing yourself of these lessons, but Steve as well. In spirit, Steve is not only going to continue to love you, but will also be helping you in ways you could never conceive. This will not only benefit you, but also Steve’s spirit. Steve is also telling me how lovingly stubborn you can be and insists that you be stubborn about living!” I could tell that finally this was getting through to Lindsey. “I just don’t think I can continue to go on. My heart is breaking and my soul aches to be with him.” “Steve wants you to know that your heart is breaking because of the love you have for him, and that love is actually a part of him in spirit. As you continue with your life, your heart will not only heal, but you will find that you are not living life alone and that Steve is a part of it. These are truths you will become aware of as you allow the healing process to begin.”