Today I’m meeting a friend for a walk/talk. Bill is a former pastor, my financial advisor and a friend for the past 15 years or so. But I still start my day with 4.5 miles and meditation before meeting him. We walk about three miles. It’s interesting talking to Bill as his views are pretty traditionally Christian and mine are anything but. Seeing where we agree, on a lot of things by the way, and where our understandings diverge is interesting. I tell him about the signs, most of them anyway. It’s hard to get them all in in a one hour walk. He gives me words of encouragement and prays for me. This is helpful.
I’ve now had two walks today, but Ty and Kayla are out shopping and I’m bored. Might as well take another walk and see if I can hit a personal best for steps. I end up with over 20,000 steps for the day- over 13 miles. The walking helps burn off excess energy and keep my mind occupied on positive things. But there is so much negativity that keeps popping up. Ty and Kayla are meeting girlfriends for the food truck festival, so I am on my own for dinner. I head over to Jungle Jim’s to buy some ginger liqueur to try to recreate a ginger martini we had last week at Put In Bay. I pick up some sushi to go while I’m there. It’s a beautiful night and I’m going to enjoy a little solitude, but driving is where it often hits me, the griefbursts. I don’t know why. Anything or nothing can trigger them. And I have one as I’m driving. I just start to cry. This particular bout of grief is accompanied by anger. My friend Kevin messages me to check in on me. Uh oh. He’s caught me at a bad time today. The wild thing is I was telling Bill just this morning that I had not cried since Wednesday. Thursday was peaceful which felt strange. It’s Friday and I haven’t cried in almost two days. What’s wrong with me? Well, that got remedied real quick. I had a mini griefburst on my way home from my walk with Bill.
So, it’s still up and down, day by day. I wake up each morning and ask for my daily bread which is just enough strength to make it until I can lay my head on the pillow tonight. One day at a time. One step at a time. Just keep walking.