Day 55- Birds

Yesterday I was thinking I haven’t had any signs lately. Yesterday was a really rough day I think for all three of us. I don’t know why. We all ended up going to bed early- just exhausted. It takes lot of energy to try to keep a positive attitude in the face of unspeakable horror. Sometimes the tank just runs empty. Then there’s nothing left to do but go to bed. I was tired of watching TV, tired of reading and had no energy for anything else.

This morning on my walk I spot a teeny tiny down feather float to the ground just at my feet. Normally, I walk/run my 4.5 miles – walk a little run a lot. This is while I was running. I look up to see if I could spot the bird that dropped it, but this thing was so small it’s taken a long time to float down. The bird is long gone. A few weeks ago I wouldn’t have noticed at all or maybe would have thought “That’s cool”. Today I take it as a sign, but I think it would be nice to find a big feather. I found a tiny feather (like this one) when it floated down onto the arm of Ty’s chair and I happened to be there to watch it float down from the night sky. I found a small one on the deck a couple of weeks ago.  At the momentI don’t know why I want a big one, I just do. I acknowledge the sign, raise my hands to receive it, say a little prayer of gratitude and keep on moving at a slightly faster pace.

20 minutes later I am heading back up the hill to my house just in the last 100 yards and right in the middle of the sidewalk is a big black feather.  Now, until a few weeks ago I have not thought about finding feathers.  I’m sure I’ve seen them on the ground before and just not noticed, but I’m pretty sure this is the biggest one I’ve ever found. I pick it up.  Then it hits me. I have been thinking about a feather for the smudging ceremony I am going to do on the house.  I even looked at feathers on Amazon thinking of buying one. Now I have one.

When I finish my walks I often sit on the porch to let the sweat dry a bit and just watch nature. This morning the birds decided to put on a show for me. Northern mockingbirds, mourning doves, blue jays, cardinals- they are all out playing. I have never seen so many together since living here. I am trying to identify the mockingbird. Just as I Google it and am trying to remember exactly how its wings looked he opened up his wings and put on a display.

Now my rational mind begins to click in. With so many birds in the neighborhood is it really a miracle to find a feather?  Is it a miracle to watch two feathers in a matter of days gently float down from the sky and land at your feet or on the arm of a chair?  Is it a big deal to need a feather for a ceremony, to think you would like to find a bigger feather and then 20 minutes see one just laying there in the middle of the sidewalk? Answer:  I don’t know. What I do know is all the things that been happening are adding up to show me the universe is a more magical place than I have allowed myself to believe.  One of two or three of these things could be coincidences.  This many is not.

It’s 8:45. Another day, another week begins. God give me the strength to get through this day.

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