The Back To Your Center weekend conference has ended. We have returned back to West Chester to our empty house. Finally, I understand why people take vacations. I have never understood “getting away”. I love my family. I like my house. I like my neighborhood. I like having my own stuff at my disposal. Getting away to a different place has never appealed to me. I would count down the days until I could get back home, especially if I was away from Tywana and the girls.
It’s different now. Flying into Cincinnati last night, I was not excited, like I use to be, about getting back here. I knew Kayla would be in Toledo. Shayna is in heaven. And, we couldn’t even pick up the dogs. The house is quiet now. Silent at times.
I overslept my Fitbit alarm and didn’t wake up until after 7. It was dark and I could hear the sound of rain on the roof. I haven’t been able to do my walk in almost a week now. I was looking forward to getting back into the routine. But, when I checked my app it said rain and thunderstorms for the next two hours. So, my routine was broken. I decided to meditate instead.
As I went though my guided yoga nidra meditation and asked the questions of myself that I was instructed to ask, I felt the answer come back that I am where I am supposed to be right now. Then, something Suzanne said this weekend came back to me. She said that life is not about being happy all the time. In fact, the expectation of being happy is one of the greatest sources of suffering. She got a life lesson while on a mountain bike trail. She had had an energy draining experience and wanted to get out and relax. She was expecting a smooth bike riding experience, but the trail was rough (it was a mountain bike trail). As she was getting bumped around and annoyed with the whole thing, a voice in her head said “It’s a mountain bike trail, for God’s sake. What did you expect?” Here on Earth, life is not supposed to be smooth. As human beings we want safe, comfortable, happy. We work for it. When we get it, we do all we can to hang on to it. But, it’s Earth school, for God’s sake. This is the school of hard knocks. No one gets out unscathed and it’s by design. And, when we get knocked down, we are human. We’ll get back up, eventually. But, not right away. Sometimes we are going to be depressed. Sometimes we are going to be sad. Sometimes we are going to be in the valleys. When we are, we are right where are supposed to be.
The thunder and rain continue. My mediation is over. Now, to face the reality that awaits me. Ugh.