Day 63- Renewing My Mind

Romans 12:2 Don’t copy the behavior and customs of this world, but let God transform you into a new person by changing the way you think.

As Ty and I were drifting off to sleep last night, I realized that this thing we are trying to do is an uphill climb. It’s swimming against the stream. We’re trying to figure out how to live without Shayna being here and, for me, at least if I am conformed to the behavior and customs of this world (the literal translation of this verse says “and be not conformed to this age”) I can’t do it.  If the reality is Shayna is simply gone, then I cannot go on.  I don’t want to go on. There is no point.  If we all just live here and disappear, well the pain isn’t worth the trip for me.  We are working hard to reprogram our brains.  I find it interesting that Paul uses the word “mind” here (in most translation), not spirit. We are trying to change the way we think. We are trying to reprogram our brains.  

Here is the kicker though. My Christian friends (and myself included for many, many years) read this is referring to “the world”, to non-believers. We Christians believe in life after death.  Universalists (which I have become) believe in life after death for all and paradise for all. Or so we say.  Let’s get real though. Most Christians are conformed to the world when it comes to the way we really behave and think about which is the more real reality. We don’t like to think about death.  We don’t give much thought to the “after life”.  It’s after life. When life is over, then we’ll worry about whatever that is.  When you think of being “in the spirit world” which world is more real? Is their world more real or ours?  Which world is more desirable? Would you rather have the world of adventure and pizza and ice cream and hugs or the world of “spirit”?  Being in the spirit world sounds, unreal, a dream state, maybe a nice place to visit, but who would want to live there? Ghosts are creepy. Spirits, stay where you are.  We don’t want you here.  This place is where the action is.  We all want to be here as long as humanly possible. When our loved ones pass over, they can barely send us a sign- maybe a feather or a hummingbird visit.  it’s not a real visit.  We can’t talk to them on the phone. We say we believe they are in heaven, but we really think they are gone from us and usually we are in no hurry to join them.

If I’m going to make the rest of my life work, I have to have a renewing of my mind.  I have to. I am fighting hard to throw off the behavior and customs of this world and, thank God, I think Ty is with me. I want to live as if I really believe the “spirit world” is reality. I want to live as if this is a temporary ride and these bodies are just vehicles (or cages) that house our spirits until we can become our true selves.  People live as though we are just a body. Some accept that we have a soul. Very few, very few, live as if we are a soul that has a body. That’s the world I want to see.  I want to see through spiritual eyes. I want to know that Shayna is now her true self. I want to know that she is feeling love like she’s never felt.  I want to know that the one thing certain in my future, my death, is going to a reunion beyond what I can even  imagine. I want to stop clinging to the things of this world and set my sights on what is eternal and real.

The other night we had some new friends over.  It was a glorious, spiritual evening (with beer and cigars and desserts and lots of cussing).  We just sat on the deck with the firepit on and talked. What made it spiritual though is all we talked about for four hours was the true reality of our world, who we really are, what it really important in life.  We talked bout how our loved ones are not “out there” somewhere. They are still here with us, still caring about this life, still involved, still watching over us.  We pictured Shayna sitting there in a chair next to us, just taking it in.  It was so good to talk with like-minded people who are helping us make this transformation from a carnal mind to a spiritual mind.  In fact, both told us about a vision each of them had had at Shayna’s celebration. Doug had never met Shayna.  Lynn didn’t really know her. Separately, they each had the same vision, which they did not share with each other until the next morning.  They were seeing through spiritual eyes.  

I woke up around five o’clock this morning. Three to five in the morning is when Spirit seems to want to talk to me. I think the meditation is helping to relax my mind, but I’m still trying too hard even in meditation.  Nico told me some things that might start happening in meditation and others have as well. I’ve been praying for my spirit guides and angels to have more say in my life and to reveal themselves to me.  But, I think maybe I’m looking for too much.  In the wee hours of the morning I can be alert, but relaxed and seem to be more open to messages. That’s when this verse came into my mind. That’s when I was told that Jesus would guide me.  Jesus has almost been ruined for me by Christianity. I’m getting the sense I need to get back to Jesus, the real Jesus.  Then this little piece of this song came into my mind.

Turn your eyes upon Jesus,
Look full in His wonderful face,
And the things of earth will grow strangely dim,
In the light of His glory and grace

So yeah. That happened.  I listened for a while as the messages came in, acknowledged the guidance then said good night and tried to get another hour or two of sleep.