Some people are worried about me thinking I am depressed (I looked up the symptoms of depression, I am not depressed). Some are worried because my view of life has changed. I no longer see this life, this physical existence, these few years, as of primary importance. Do not worry. I feel like I am waking up, waking up to the true reality. Yes, I need to focus on this world, too and that will come, but for now this is where my journey has led me and I’m in the right place.
For many years I suffered from an intense fear of death, particularly sudden death, particularly sudden death related to the heart. Due to that fear I did everything I could to deal with it and studying Near Death Experiences was the one thing that helped me more than anything. While I want to be a person of faith, reading about what happened 2,000 years ago in the Middle East just doesn’t cut it for me. I need to know what is happening now. I want to experience for myself. The closest thing to that has been studying other people’s NDEs and OOBEs. With Shayna’s passing, death has come as close as it could possibly come to me without taking me and it’s given my whole life a new focus. People who have had NDEs sometimes have trouble adjusting to this world when they come back. I feel like I have figuratively had an NDE.
A couple of weeks ago I met a woman who has had not one but several Near Death Experiences (we met on Facebook). She actually lives close by. i hope to meet her face to face in the coming weeks. She has written some of the best accounts I have seen including the one I’m about to share with you with her permission. When I read this and think of this for Shayna, it gives me peace. When I read this and think of it for me, it makes the cares of this world just fade away.
This is by Penny Brooks Wilson. Please do not copy it or post anywhere else. Penny gave me permission to post it here and I’m sure it will be included in her book (that you need to write Penny).
Written After Near Death Experience in September 2014
I was with the Spirit of God, and I knew Him. I knew Him in a sense that was physical, spiritual, and mental. When I knew Him in that depth He was indescribable. He held no form, or gender, or name. There was no embodiment, for what could hold Him? What could contain the eternal? The vast white light of His penetrating energy could not be stopped. It couldn’t be dimmed. It touched me and then went deeper; beneath my physical self, of whom there was only a perception and not a true physical form. I was defined in that space by my own special and unique energy. His vast white presence soaked into every part of me. It dove deep into my middle and stole my breath, of which I had no need as I was filled with the light. I laid myself bare to this energy, letting it fill every void, every hurt, every longing. It took up all of those spaces, but didn’t diminish me in any way. For the white energy of God does not take from us, only gives, filling us to overflowing. The radiant light moved with powerful intent toward all parts of me. It surrounded and infused each cell, filling my body with this intense warmth and vibration that was an indescribable joy to my ears, my skin, and my spirit. All of me remained intact, that is, all of me that was of benefit to me; while that which was not of benefit seemed to never have been. I couldn’t recall those parts and I had no desire to try to bring them forth to my understanding. As I floated in this white light, I could feel it permeating me to the tiniest cell, wrapping within me like some sort of cloak; though the energy was not harnessed within the garment. It filled me to overflowing. I relaxed my head back, not wanting to feel burdened by the weight of it, and at that moment the white light moved into my neck, so warm, causing me to want to curl my physicality inward so that I could experience it all the more. From my neck it moved up through my jaw and into my mouth, lighting my tongue with the most pleasing of melodies as it pushed further up. I wanted to keep my eyes closed, to try and contain the light so that it might not escape, but that was in folly. My eyelids couldn’t contain the light of the Creator. The light shone straight through them to the outside, reflecting off the light that surrounded me and then racing back into me.The warm white energy ascended up my forehead and into my skull, buzzing around my brain and warming it with the most pleasing sensations, creating in my head this sense of floating and weightlessness. Then, the light proceeded to enter each curve of my brain, flowing through as though traveling an expansive winding river. It lit up parts of my mind and intellect and created within me this “knowing” which made all things clear.The situations that I had found torment over in my time on the other side of Heaven were brought to my memory. The dread and sadness that had indwelt me over those things was immediately gone. The truths became peaceful and clear in my mind. No words were spoken. There were no explanations given to erase the hurts and disappointments, just this deep internal knowing that the truths of those matters had not been what I had believed them to be. I had tried for so long to fit those trials into some sort of framework so that I could understand them, not realizing that my understanding wouldn’t come through my own beliefs or ideas, but through this white light that filled me on this side, the “Side of the Spirits”. The weight of each of those pains was gone from me, and the peace of God replaced them; like a warm hug from father to child, assuring that all is well. I immediately felt safe and I gave myself completely to the light. It held my entire existence; no effort from me was required. I was suspended and fully supported in the vibrations of light that surrounded, encircled, and filled me. The light flooded out of me; exuding from my bones, pouring out of each strand of hair, even my eyelashes were aglow with His light and vibration. Then suddenly, it felt as though the energy of God were a huge magnet, drawing me back to His core, where I had belonged all along. I allowed myself to move closer and closer to His center. Then suddenly, it was no longer external. It became internal; as though I were this vast, deep, endless, bright light with its source at the deepest part of my being. The light was drawing me to God’s fingerprints on my DNA. Pulling me in through the spirals. I could feel them sliding around and over me, like gentle caresses from a loved one. I was moving with great speed toward the core of my existence when suddenly I was stopped; and I knew that I couldn’t continue on that path, not yet. I longed to violate that truth within myself. I wanted to stay. I wanted to make it to the spark of my existence, but it was not to be. Then I remembered that it was a decision that I had already made; before I had ever gotten to the point of making it, as though it were preordained, though that isn’t the right word as the decision was of my own choosing. I felt the light dissipating and I became so fretful, like a child weeping inconsolably. I cried out to God, “Please, please, grant me at least the memory of this! Let me store within myself this time with You so that I will never forget. I feel I will lose all hope if I cannot at least have that.” Then I was back; the memory of my time with Him held deeply within.- copyright 2014- Penny Brooks Wilson