Day 737- Where Does The Time Go?

if i could have a pound for every moment i’ve spent worrying
about the little things in life that frankly there’s no hurrying
then i would be a rich girl, i wanna be a rich girl soon
but going at this rate i think that it may well take
‘til there’s life on the moon

where does the time go? does anyone know?
where does the time go? does anyone know?
where does the time go?- Julia Fordham- Where Does The Time Go?

And you may find yourself
Living in a shotgun shack
And you may find yourself
In another part of the world
And you may find yourself
Behind the wheel of a large automobile
And you may find yourself in a beautiful house
With a beautiful wife
And you may ask yourself, well
How did I get here?- Talking Heads- Life During Wartime

Today is one of those days when I woke up wondering just where the hell I am and how I got here. I don’t know much Kierkegaard, but he stole my line “Life can only be understood backwards; but it must be lived forwards.”  Every once in a while I look back at how my life has unfolded and it’s pretty amazing to look at all of the decisions, all the turning points, all the “coincidences” that had to occur exactly the way they did for me to end up in this beautiful house with this beautiful wife. But, where are my beautiful kids?  Kayla is grown.  She stops in occasionally. She’s off to Spain for a month.  I haven’t seen Shayna in two years. Sometimes I don’t recognize this life. The business that was on auto-pilot a few years ago is a struggle.  The money that was rolling in has slowed to a trickle.  There are those moments in the early morning hours when I want my old life back.  I don’t recognize this life.

And you may ask yourself
How do I work this?
And you may ask yourself
Where is that large automobile?
And you may tell yourself
This is not my beautiful house
And you may tell yourself
This is not my beautiful wife 

Yeah.  How do I work this?  I don’t know sometimes, but I know I must. I know I will.  I will work it and I will survive it.

Physicists and spiritualists tells us time is not real.  Or at least it only exists in this physical universe. It’s not the linear forward marching of events that it seems to be. Well, it sure seems real to me. I can’t escape it.  It’s at the very least, a consensus reality that we all have to live with. The good news is that it continues to flow. When I find myself stuck in a situation that I don’t like I take comfort in knowing all I have to do is outlast it. I know that no matter how much time stretches out in front of me or what it hold, that one day I will find myself back Home, back in my beautiful house.

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