Day 806- I’m Tired Boss

I’m tired, boss. Tired of being on the road, lonely as a sparrow in the rain. I’m tired of never having me a buddy to be with to tell me where we’s going to, coming from, or why. Mostly, I’m tired of people being ugly to each other. I’m tired of all the pain I feel and hear in the world…every day. There’s too much of it. It’s like pieces of glass in my head…all the time. Can you understand?- John Coffey- The Green Mile

Last night when I went to bed, Tywana asked me how I was doing.  I said “I’m tired.” which one might expect when one is turning in the for the night. Being tired when you’re going to bed is a good thing. It hopefully means you’re on your way to a good night’s sleep.

But, this wasn’t a physical tiredness.  I require very little sleep.  I very rarely get sleepy. Physically, I’m a high energy person. I’m up with the sun, no matter what time I go to bed.  I walk first thing in the morning- between six and seven miles. This tired is tired of being a stranger in a strange land.

When I got on Facebook, someone had linked me to a website that was the transcript from a channeling session.  In part it read:

Lightworker, if I ask you, “Who are you?” you would say, “I’m tired.” That’s the answer we get all the time. It doesn’t answer the question at all, but it’s what is on your mind the most. And how are you today, we often ask? “I’m tired” is the reply. You’re tired when you wake up and you’re tired when you go to sleep, and that’s because so many of you are doing the heavy work. So tired are you that you feel you are spiritually wrung out.

How many of you are convinced that it’s your last time here? Well, guess what? You’re wrong! “Kryon, I don’t want to hear that. I’ve done my part and here I am. This is a very tiring thing… coming and working on Gaia. I don’t want to do this again. I’ve earned some rest.”

Wow. So that’s it. That’s why I’m so tired. And I’m not alone.  The people who would attend such a session are people who are looking for meaning in life. They want to know why they are here. They want to know where they are going. They want to know what to do while they are here. And, it seems most of them are not only tired, they’re saying “This is it. Reincarnation or not, I ain’t coming back here.”

Then tonight, I’m on a meeting with Sara Ruble. Sara’s son Scott passed away, suddenly and unexpectedly, like Shayna, in 1994. Scott was Sara’s only son. He was a healthy 19 year old at the time of his passing. As Sara spoke of five years after Scott’s passing, ten years after his passing, 23 years after his passing, some of us just cringed.  One of the mothers I’m good friends with sent me a private message saying she just can’t handle thinking about that long here carrying on.  We have had that conversation often.   I think that, in general, people who have lost children are lightworkers. We signed up for the toughest of duties.  And we are mostly, if not all, very tired.

Sara has an interesting taking on free will versus soul planning. Basically, there is no free will, while we are here.  It’s all planned. Many people bristle against this. They want to feel they have choice. They want to feel they are free agents. And, how can we hold anyone accountable if they don’t have choice?  Sara said that perhaps where free will comes in is when we are setting up the plan.  That prompted me to think “Yes.  We do have choice. But, our choices have already been made- by us.”  This whole thing is very difficult to reconcile. I’m still working on, but here is one of the benefits of Sara’s way of thinking.

We cannot fail.  We have set out the plan. We are working the plan. We are infinitely loved. We have more help than we can imagine.  And, we are more powerful than we can remember.  When we ponder “What is my life’s purpose?”  we can end up in despair.  I’m not a powerful person. I can’t reach a lot of people.  I don’t have money or influence.  How can I make the mark in the world I’m supposed to make? What if you could just rest in the faith that, by virtue of just being here, you are fulfilling your purpose? What if you could rest in the faith that you are exactly where you are supposed to be on your soul’s path, in spite of appearances?  What if you could know that all you have to do is hold on and the mission will be accomplished?  Maybe you would feel a little less tired.  Maybe you could hold on just one more day.

I don’t think anymore the we need to go looking for our life’s purpose. It will naturally come to us. We light workers aren’t all going to be the ones to lead the charge.  Many of us just need to hold the space.  Many years ago I attended a church that had “Small things done with great love will change the world” engraved above the doorway. Almost twenty years later, those words have deeper meaning to me than they ever have. If we can all just keep doing those small things, we will change this world. And that, lightworkers is what we are here to do.

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