Tonight Ty and I attend a group for parents who have lost children. My God, could there possibly be a sadder club that you were forced to join? I have been wondering about whether I want to attend such a group. My main fear is finding someone or many people in the group stuck in grief a decade out or more.
The group is made up of people with recent losses and some with losses from many years ago. There are 8 women and 3 men in attendance and only two couples. What happens in the group stays in the group, but I have to share this. Several people in the group did lose their children many years ago and are there to support others through more recent losses. They tell us things do get better. That is encouraging. But, there is that one person that I feared would be there, that person living in denial, bitter towards life. I feared the group would be made up of a bunch of people sad, stuck in grief many years later. It was not. And now I know I won’t be that person.
I’m not saying I’m through this yet, not by a long shot. I am still sad (majorly sad), in shock and in grief. However, I am not bitter about it and I’m not in denial about what actually happened. I can’t imagine what I’ll be like 10 years or more out. Frankly, I don’t want to live another 10 years. The thought overwhelms me, but I do know this, I will make the best I can of my life for however much longer I have to be here.
Ty thought the group was just OK, but she does want to go back at least a couple of more times. We both have such excellent support, we feel like we really don’t need people to talk to, but sharing with people who have had similar experiences can be helpful. We’ll see…
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