Grief 2 Growth Podcast- Chris Kito- Integrating the NDE Experience- Ep. 84

Chris Kito, B.S. experienced an NDE at the age of 24 due to an allergic reaction to a food allergy.

In April of 2012, 22-year-old Chris Kito went into anaphylactic shock due to a peanut allergy, leading to his near-death experience. He was young and just starting a career.  Chris feels that a transformation took place, changing what had been his previous youthful outlook on life and mindset as he was entering a new career.

The NDE created challenges and opportunities which Chris credits to his newfound spirituality and extraordinarily successful career at such a young age.

In this interview, we talk about Chris’ experience and the blessings and challenges that come from an NDE. Integration of an NDE experience into one’s daily life can take years, even decades.




Announcer 0:00
Hi there. Welcome to grief to growth podcast. Your host is Brian Smith, spiritual seeker, best selling author, grief survivor and life coach. Ryan believes that the worst tragedies of life provide the greatest opportunity for growth. Brian says he was planted, not buried, and he is here to help you grow where you’ve been planted by the difficulties in life. In each episode, Brian and his guests will share what has helped them to survive and thrive. It is his sincere hope this episode helps you today.

Brian Smith 0:34
Hey, everybody, this is Brian Smith back with another episode of grief to growth and today I’ve got with me and near death experiencer His name is Chris Quito. I’m going to read Chris’s bio, which is very short and then we’re just gonna have a conversation about his experience and what he’s learned since then. Chris has a BS degrees experience and an NDA the age of 2422 Chris, I got two different numbers 24 you’re 24 at the age of 24 is due to an allergic reaction. food allergy. And Chris is going to talk about the changes that he found necessary in order to integrate his and D. So it does indeed happen in April 2012. He wouldn’t anaphylaxis shock due to a peanut allergy that led to his near death experience. Chris was young at the time and just starting your career. And he feels that a transformation took place after the changing would have been his previous youthful outlook on life and mindset as Chris was entering a new career. So that indeed created challenges and opportunities with Chris credits to his newfound spirituality and his extraordinarily life’s journey of feeling and purpose. So Chris, welcome to great degrowth it’s good to have you here.

Chris Kito 1:37
Well, thank you for having me, Brian. I’m excited to be here. I’ve heard a lot of great things and glad we could connect on this Monday morning.

Brian Smith 1:44
Yeah, appreciate you doing this. I know you’re still in some pain, you had an injury and you’re soldiering through so I appreciate you sitting down and doing this with me.

Chris Kito 1:50
Yeah. Well, you know, you hit the age of 32. And you sleep long on your shoulder and you’re out of commission for two weeks. So you know,

Brian Smith 1:58
given never for 20 years

Chris Kito 2:02
I want you to be able to get out of bed as Millennials are a little fragile.

Brian Smith 2:06
Yeah, that’s the thing about living these bodies, man, they’re fragile. Exactly. So tell me about your start wherever you’d like to start with your story if you want to give us some background if you want to start with the night that you had the NDA whatever, wherever you’d like to jump over?

Chris Kito 2:18
Absolutely. Well, it’s a it’s been about eight years and a little background I this is the experience what happened I did not speak about it or really discuss my near death experience or any of the after effects or any of that story for about, oh, I would say almost six and a half, seven years it never came out. But you know now after you know really processing it and having about an eight year journey with it, I’m more and more comfortable almost it seems monthly and every year actually discussing what happened fully and for myself. Also just understanding the integration And then what exactly happened for because for a very long time, I had no idea what really went on. And it was a kind of trial by error and just every day and understanding and over the years really putting the pieces back together. So I grew up in Long Island, New York, I went to school in Connecticut, and I studied business. And many of my friends and all my family stayed in the northeast. And it never really resonated with me to be working in Manhattan and doing that, that grind of commuting. And I ended up deciding the summer after I graduated to move to Los Angeles originally wanted to have some sort of business career within entertainment, maybe along the lines of like an agent or something on the business side. That was my degree in my interest at the time. So I moved to LA went out there with that. And within six months, I was you know, on interviews, I was meeting people I wasn’t getting involved in a lot of local organizations and groups and a friend of mine, within about six months of me moving out there was out there October. So by April had a birthday party at a hotel and you know, very clearly in a key, you know, detail and so many, you know, the devils I always say devil or gods in the details of any story and her birthday party was on a Sunday night, which is kind of an odd night to have a birthday party. You know, right before our work day. Yeah. Which would prove to be very important for Little did I know at that moment or any other time and in my story in the arc of what eventually happens. So when did the birthday party was having a great time it was a Sunday night. Loki was at the lobby of a restaurant and they served cake and all of that and just to backpedal a little bit. I was born with a peanut allergy. I’ve been allergic to peanuts and nuts, all tree nuts and lagoons for my whole life never had any severe reactions or any need to ever take an injection of epinephrine which would be the common epi pen, I would just avoid them. You know, I was cautious. I was definitely very, very careless in the sense of epi pens having to be replaced every 14 to 16 months and I just wouldn’t replace them and maybe two years I checked the expiration label and I didn’t care and you know, I’d have some Benadryl with me or it was always in the medicine cabinet. But I avoided it if people knew me knew I had a peanut or nut allergy wasn’t something that was really discussed, I would just avoid it. And I wasn’t, I would say to now I wasn’t that respectful of the allergy because I never had anything severe and I was very fortunate. I was able to avoid it very simply. And it was not something that came into my world. But I did have that be pens with me.

But they weren’t always that some points they were more than half the time either expired or maybe not in the full capacity of how they should be working with that. So then fast forward years later, I kind of developed more of a CAD cavalier attitude towards it, not that it wasn’t super Cavalier, but again, I was going around with it times expired epinephrine, which would have been a life saving medicine for me. So we’re at the birthday party, everyone’s around, they start cutting up cake. And I get a piece of cake. And I just take like a little bit of it. I mean, it was like a half the size of fork. I put it in my mouth. And instantly I could tell there was peanuts or something in it. And my first thought was, oh, she’s What is this and I ended up swallowing. Because I didn’t know it was peanuts. I really don’t know what peanuts tastes like. If that sounds odd. But I’ve never actually ate them. I know what the smell is. I kind of configure Okay, this is the smell. This is what it is, but I really didn’t know. And then I thought to myself who would ever have a peanut butter cake? Is this cake really have peanuts in it? That was so odd to me. I’ve never come across a peanut cake or a peanut butter cake. And it happened instantly within the fraction of a second. Because you’re thinking you’re talking you’re in a group of people and you boom in you just take a walk and I didn’t want to spit anything. I didn’t think anything I thought oh my god, maybe this was just a trace of it and I’m not going to have a reaction and I’ll be okay. And then I immediately just thought oh my god, like what happened? It happened so quick. It was just I it was just an unconscious you’re just eating you weren’t expecting it because it was a chocolate cake. Yeah, it looked chocolate. It was the frosting. It was that and the next thing I know I swallowed something with peanut I thought okay, all right. There I thought okay, let me let me just get something to kind of wash it down my mouth, a little itchy. So I get like a little spread I washed down like all right I’m fine let me just you know go home later tonight it’s around 11 o’clock on a Sunday right now and I’ll just take two three Benadryl asleep this off and we’ll get on with Monday morning no big deal. So I go home I do just that and then you know, it’s like a half hour later and I’m laying in bed and you know, I’m like, like, Alright, how is the reaction going down and yet these moments I can kind of be like I’m like self checking my breathing and my feelings and like I still don’t feel well now My stomach hurts now like, I’m still kind of rad. I’m getting warm as the blankets wrong with the air conditioner and on on what’s going on and then you start to race in your head. Alright, is this going to get better is this not going to get better? And in that that’s when things start to change over from Alright, maybe I may not just sleep this off with three Done a drill, and this could be something more. So, here I am laying here like midnight 12 3011 like right around that time in bed and I’m like, Alright, it’s getting a little harder to breathe. I can tell it’s kind of getting like a timeouts, kind of like that like a little heavier. Not that I couldn’t get the air in, but it was heavier sets that are learning maybe take another Benadryl and just go look at myself in the mirror and see if my eyes are bloodshot. So then I wake up, I get out of bed, I wasn’t really sleeping, and I go into the bathroom, I flip the light on, and I’m red. My face is red. My body’s red. My arms are red, my armpits, my chest, my neck. Everything is red. I’m starting to break out hives. hives are head to toe right now. I go Okay, this isn’t good. Then I remember thinking I like to start breathing in front of the mirror and see what happens. I’m like, maybe you’re just going to settle down. Take another Benadryl. So I think I took another Benadryl So I’ve had like four little pink tablets that don’t seem to really be doing anything at this moment. Then I thought all right, well, let’s take a step ahead here. And I gotta see what I’m going to do here because this may not stop and I’ve never had a reaction before that I can remember where I knew what was going to happen I was kind of making up like alright, is this stop? Does this go does it get worse? My breathing and stuff? I don’t know. I’ve never gone into anaphylaxis. I’ve fortunately never had an experience like that. So it was Uncharted. I didn’t know what decisions to make and or I didn’t know timelines for what was really happening. Like I didn’t know now like, you know, there’s there’s phases of the reflective reaction that I didn’t know I was just like, Alright, I’m covered in hives and I’m uncomfortable. You know what now I now know within a very short period time things then escalate very quickly.

So I’m seeing your breathing I sorry, let me look for my epi pen. Let me see what I can do. Maybe I’ll just inject myself with this. And I go grab the epi pen and shocking it was expired by about six months. So a side note on that, epi pens and epinephrine may or may not ever work, there’s no guaranteed and if it was a brand new epi pen, there’s no guarantee at the level work. And a lot of times it has to be administered before you’re in a full blown anaphylaxis to stop it. And that’s why they always give you packs of two because one many times does not work. So there’s no guarantee with that. And that was kind of running through my head and I thought, well, this expired and then I thought all right, I may have to call an ambulance. I said, Well, the ambulance gonna get here in time. Is the ambulance going to have epinephrine? I mean, I don’t know what they do or don’t carry. How are they going to take to get here? It’s Los Angeles, you know, yeah, Sunday night, but I don’t know it’s la they might just not pay attention or What do I do in this situation? That’s I’m starting to run through scenarios in my head. While my breathing is becoming more and more labor labeled. It’s more and more labored. And I’m thinking, alright, I can take the epinephrine but then once you take the epinephrine, you can’t really move. That’s one thing I knew, like he can’t do so he can’t take and then just go about your normal actions, because of the adrenaline going through you and just can’t really function. So I thought, well, if I do this, I can’t go anywhere. I don’t know if it’s gonna work. And I thought, well, I can call an ambulance or I thought I could just drive to the hospital because it’s Sunday night and there’s no one on the road and I can just zip there if I want. And I’ll go and I’ll, maybe I’ll just take the fnf epi pen with me I’ll get as far as I can. And then I can just, you know, white knuckle it so I get to the hospital. So I’m like, Alright, I need to do something here and something needs to happen. And my thought was All right, I’m gonna just drive myself to the hospital I that was it. I don’t think I wanted to call an ambulance. I thought that wouldn’t make sense because for some reason I thought they wouldn’t be able to help me. So I got in the car, I grabbed the epi pen, and I put it on the passenger seat and I just started zipping down the road in Los Angeles and living in West LA at the time and I went to Cedar Sinai Hospital, and I’m driving and it’s Sunday night, thank god late there’s no one on the road. And I just remember thinking how much time I have and I’m watching the GPS and I’m breathing I like just focus on breathing and like

it’s harder and harder to breathe and less and less oxygen is getting into me. And I’m thinking Alright, I don’t know how much time I have and read everything hurts. I’m now running on like a treadmill and I’m like this is getting close to the wire. I had the epi pen I Had it out of the cartridges. I’m like, I’m gonna get as far as I can if I have to, I’m going to inject it. And then I’m just going to, you know, hope I can get to the hospital. So I end up getting to the hospital like Paul in and they take my car and a lot of this is very fuzzy muster because I just got out and then I kind of stumbled into the emergency room. And I walk up to the nurse at the desk and she looks at me and just kind of like stares at me, and I go, I’m having an allergic reaction. I need help and I pulled out my and she goes, I need your ID and I pulled out my wallet. And it was in my pocket to give her my ID and said here’s Here it is. And I couldn’t physically with my arms, get my my ID out of the little slot. I was so off and I then started to like kind of fall into the table. And then really at that moment, all I remember is that her and another nurse come in Running, grabbing me and they carried me back and like kind of held me up to the back room and put me on a bed. And at that point, I was really out of it. I had, you know, and this is when I’m in the hospital and I had about seven doctors, nurses, physician’s assistants working around me and they pulled my shirt off and I was covered head to toe in just red welts and hives, and my breathing was minimal, and they’re, you know, holding my mouth open and they’re talking to me, and they’re trying to see what happened and they’re sticking needles in my arm and, you know, they’re putting Benadryl shots in my wrist. They’re putting me on oxygen to get me to breathe air. They’re rating my oxygen levels, which were at that point, which a lot of this I found out later, was about 10% was my oxygen consumption. So I wasn’t taking in any oxygen at that time. And I was really Kind of just fading I at that point. I remember just kind of thinking like, with everyone working around me I’m like, why are they rushing around so much like what’s going on and they’re all moving and they’re so panicked and they’re like moving me in this and they’re that and they’re they’re looking at me and they’re frantic I’ve never seen you know, it really was just like the TV shows you’d see on er with everyone frantically moving and then to like D laying there and just kind of watching this show unfold around you. And you know, I didn’t I didn’t feel anything at this time and then I started to, you know, pass away and I went into this extreme and a lot of the Spirit you spoken and in the end Spencer’s experiences, the there’s no language, we have to really describe a lot of experience. So it’s very hard. So I mean, do my best I can describe the sensations, feelings, and really what was going on consciously around me. And I remember I went into this euphoric state of being that I can’t even I couldn’t attain any, any, any way in this in this dimension, this physical space and it was just this beautiful euphoric feeling of laying there. And I remember consciously like these waves of thoughts and ideas coming to me that I was like, Oh, yeah, I remember very clearly like moments of this. of Oh, I’m dying. That’s it. And I was like, I’m dying like that is it? This is death. I’ve been here like this is it I am dying. I am leaving this physical space this body, like on it. That’s it. I knew I was done. Like I’m not breathing. The app, the epinephrine which they were injecting into my shoulder into my neck was not working. And they were panicking. And then I remember them doing that. And I remember the doctor, like holding my eyes open and my mouth and saying, Chris, we’re going to be you know, have you ever had a tube down your throat, we’re going to put a tube down your throat. And I so clearly, so much of this was a haze. But then there were so many moments that were so vivid, it’s like it happened five minutes ago. I remember the doctor looking at me and him up in him saying, he goes, I’m so sorry, I can’t save your life. And I didn’t have any response to that. And just, just see just said it to me. And I think I just looked at him and I didn’t say anything. And then he’s like, he said, I’m just sorry, I can’t save your life. And it’s not that they weren’t able to stop or get me to breathe or stop the anaphylaxis and with anaphylaxis if it’s too far, that’s it. It’s too far. I’m just nothing was working. The oxygen was wasn’t getting pulled in. They couldn’t, you know, they’re going to try and put a tube down my throat. The epinephrine the Benadryl it wasn’t stopping anything. Yeah. And when that happened I remember I, I’ve always grew up in a, you know, very spiritual and you know, both my grandfather’s more so now I know are two of my main spirit guides and I remember them I remember them being there and saying, All right, take it easy. And you know, I was laying there and I had the lights and the commotion and again, it was the most euphoric feeling there was zero pain zero physical sensation. Like nothing

Brian Smith 19:44
they just ask you were you still you’re still in your body at this point right so you’re in your body and your but you feeling this euphoria? Is that correct?

Chris Kito 19:51
Oh, yeah, I was still I would say I was in my body. I wasn’t out of my body looking into it, huh? I feel anything. It was this euphoric feeling that’s undescribable. Okay, waiting there. And I like in the scene around me too. If you ever saw the movie Saving Private wine when they’re landing on the beach, and there’s the explosion and chaos going around, but there’s no noise in the cat context is just looking around. That’s what it was like, I was just there, and I didn’t feel anything. I didn’t sense anything. In this physical world. I was somewhere else. Hmm. And I was just in this euphoric being realizing and understanding that I was dying, and with spirit, and I just thought to myself, I was like, you know, none of these material things really matter. Like, cares about an iPhone. It’s funny, I took an iPhone and just kind of like, had these thoughts wash over and I was like, you know, none of these anger matters. I guess it’s just love and He says and that’s all nothing else matters at the end here I am, you know, now I look at and say, you know you’re dying alone and suffocating to death on a hospital bed. Those material things don’t really have no meaning and nor do any any negative or hurtful emotions. That life gets very, very clear when you’re suffocating to death.

Unknown Speaker 21:24

Chris Kito 21:26
I then had I then had those passing feelings run through me of those messages and then I was with my grandfathers. And I remember them very clearly saying, you you can’t die like it’s not and I remember thinking myself, Oh, that’s it. I’m dead. I’m dying. I’m dead. I’m dying. And then very clearly being like, No, you can’t die. It’s not time. You have work to do. That’s it, you know, you have work to do can’t die. And I thought, okay, in myself. All right. And then I remember kind of there was no fighting at up until that point it was just kind of a passing through and then when they said you can’t die, you have work to do you need to fix relationships you need, you have to do you have to do things and there was no there was no more it’s just fixed relationship you have work to do is very clear, very direct. And there was no misunderstanding, there was no it was just there and it was a wash through me conscious message. And then I thought, Okay, and then I remember thinking, I don’t want to die, I can’t die and I remember starting to then fight in any way I could fight to start breathing again. And I remember just coming back, and it was like that in that movie Saving Private Ryan on the beach when they cut the music and then it comes back and the bombs explosions and chaos. And that’s what I came back to. I came back to like that. I was like, Oh, and I started breathing. And they’re like, Oh, he’s moving. And I immediately just came back in and felt pain and everything and I was back, and I was gasping and I started talking. I said, I need, I can’t breathe, I can’t breathe, I need to breathe. And they’re like, you’re breathing, you’re breathing, everything’s coming in. And I came back and my body was responding. And I was under this immense and intense pain, grasping and scraping and fighting for oxygen. And that’s what I, I went back into, I knew I was back when I felt everything, okay, and I had so much epinephrine running through me and they were holding my legs down because I was shaking so much. And I was breathing and kind of clawing and they were holding me and I started to breathe. And then you know, time later I started to come down more physically and I was breathing and that that I was back and I started to stabilize. And then I was I found out later I was there for about six and a half hours, but I only felt I was there for about 15 minutes. And that was the physical situation with the near death experience. And when I left, the woman goes, I go how I said, She goes, Oh my god, she goes, you’re unrecognizable from when you walked in. And then the main nurses she said, You know, when you walked in, you were, you know, out of a one to 10 you are a nine and a half. We didn’t think you were going to survive. And now you’re like, you know, you can leave and they’re like, well, you can leave they’re like, we can’t do anything. You’re breathing. The reaction stopped. You’re okay. You just walk out of here slowly. They gave me like the little socks with like the rubber on the bottom. Yeah. And they’re like, you’re unrecognizable. Like I you want to go home and I sleep in your own bed. I go up. Okay. So I, I just had I mean, I had no idea what was going on. I mean, I like none of this. I didn’t think This all this story had, you know, I didn’t really realize it at the moment, I’m still just coming down from the experience, right? It was being pieced together days and weeks later, and I said, Alright, I’ll leave. So I kind of got my stuff I walked out with like a little bag and a doctor’s note and my my blue socks with the rubber bottoms. And I went and, you know, I always say it’s a joke. I said, I really knew I was back when I then laughed, and I had to pay like $18 for parking. It’s la right. So I said, Well, welcome back to it. Welcome back to the world. So I paid for parking. Yeah, and then I drove home at like, you know, 5am in the morning and I just slept and I mean for the next few days I was in unbelievable pain my body was was cramping aching hurting to breathe. I remember laying there breathing was so hard cuz everything just heard my body was jacked up of every possible chemical. You can imagine. That was just a minute. And then the then within a few days once all the medicine wore off, I then started to think like oh my god, what actually happened do I then have then the mental and emotional aspect once the immense pain and physical shock wore off? I was like, Oh my gosh, what what happened? So

Brian Smith 26:21
crystal, let me ask you about your your experience, because I know I know it’s hard to put into words and I have interviewed you several years and there’s like, it’s it’s kind of hard to describe, but did you physically see your grandfather’s did? Did you ever go to another place? What was that? Like?

Chris Kito 26:36
I don’t, I didn’t physically see them. I don’t physically see them in the sense. I get images of what I know. They would look like Mm hmm. I don’t think I went to another place physically. Well, that’s all I don’t have the language to describe it. I knew I wasn’t on this physical realm. Yeah. And I can’t say I was somewhere where there were, you know, rainbows and rain. But I was not here that was and that was a conscious state of being I was gone.

Brian Smith 27:06
So it was a it was a feeling or knowing that you were someone actually

Chris Kito 27:09
it was a conscious knowing that I was not here that I was dead. I was in the process of dying. And I was surrounded by spirit. And I got my messages and I got kicked out.

Brian Smith 27:23
Yeah. So your messages were? Yeah, you had work to do, right? It’s out the message was

Chris Kito 27:28
okay. And

yeah, and I got kicked back. So, you know, a few days later, once all the pain and physical, you know, reactions stopped my eye then I you know, fortunately I’ve always kept a journal since I was like 13 1414 years old. And I was journaling. And I remember I’ve gone back years later, and I looked at some of my journals within a few days or weeks or after the NDA, and I clearly I’ve had a change in consciousness, like I am literally a different person, I’m a different makeup mentally, physically, emotionally, consciously. And in the weeks and days and months and years after, you know, I always say in my opinion, and I can be totally right or wrong. The NDP is like 1% of what actually happens. The 99% the NDP is the mechanism what what really comes out is well what’s the integration? What’s the change? What’s the after effect on yourself, your community from from that incident, I mean, the end D was really intense for you know, getting the most timelines later, was about 15 minutes and an eight hour ordeal in total. And now we’re sitting here eight hours, eight years later, and we spent eight hours on the incident and eight years on the integration, the understanding Development yeah and you know moving through that process it takes it takes 1015 years or a lifetime to fully integrate and understand a near death experience and and go from there so it’s a very small spots just like that initial it happened and then it’s, you know, it’s it’s not over you’ve got a lifetime to go. Yeah. And there there’s its own set of challenges with with having a near death experience and integrating and really a process of healing and understanding and so many so many levels to it.

Announcer 29:37
We’ll get back to grief to growth in just a few seconds. Did you know that Brian is an author and a life coach? If you’re grieving or know someone who is grieving his book, grief to growth is a best selling easy to read book that might help you or someone you know, people work with Brian as a life coach to break through barriers and live their best lives. You can find out more about Brian and what he offers. At www grief to growth calm www dot g ri e f the number two gr o w th calm or text growth gr o w th 231996. If you’d like to support this podcast visit slash grief to growth slash g ri f the number two gr o w th to make a financial contribution. And now back to grief to growth.

Chris Kito 30:37
And I’m sorry, I was

Brian Smith 30:39
Yeah, let’s talk about that because you bring up a really important point and for I have spoke with a lot of nd ears and studied Indies. I’ve interviewed pmh Atwater and one of the things a lot of people don’t realize is a lot of people say I love to have it in the You’re so lucky. You got to have that but there’s a lot of challenges that come along with it. And so what were your thoughts before you You had your MD and explained to me how you felt coming out of that experience.

Chris Kito 31:06
Yeah, I you know, it’s um, I don’t I think I don’t think anyone wants a near death experience. I think they just want to find a path to spiritual spirituality or enlightenment or an understanding or find peace or healing. I don’t think anyone wants to purposely die or

Brian Smith 31:24
Yeah, I think we might we wanna but we don’t really want

Chris Kito 31:27
Yeah, you know, it’s like everyone wants to be in great shape, you know and look great naked but no one wants to do the work in the gym. That’s it. I don’t get MD and other ways to reach enlightenment and peace and healing and, and all of that. But you don’t want to, I don’t wish an NDP on any human being in the world. Because it doesn’t always work out. Well. I am so fortunate. I’m alive. By all accounts. I should be dead more severely brain dead. Yeah. So it’s an absolute miracle. I walked out of their absolute like, in that sense.

Brian Smith 32:03
I’m sorry, but what would you What was the question? I was saying so you come back from this and I guess it explained to me what the challenges are. Okay. I’ve talked to some people that have explained something, but explain to our audience what are the challenges?

Chris Kito 32:16
So I remember coming back and you know, I’m 24 at the time and you know, you’re entering adulthood and you’re building your life. And you know, fortunately I can look back now over eight years and look at journals, you know, you nothing changes more than your past and what your relationship is with emotion and understanding say, Well, I thought this or I thought that I had that feeling. And then you can actually look back and say, oh, wow, on May 15 and 2012, two weeks after this is really what I thought and felt I wrote it, so I can go back and see exactly what I was feeling and going back, you know, but there were there are so many challenges everything from I remember, you know, start from the top down for the first six months. But really, for the first few months, I had no idea what happened. I didn’t know the term nd I didn’t know any of this, I just had this full blown experience. And pieces were coming back over days, weeks and months, over this time. For the first six months, I remember writing and every day I would wake up and I would have to think to myself, and I would feel I had no idea who I was, um, in the sense and that’s a very hard thing to to put into words, I would wake up and I would not know my emotional response to situations I would not know how I thought because of what I would have done or how I would have felt was not was different from after that. nd and I didn’t realize what was happening. I just woke up and I was thought, oh my god, I don’t know what I’m thinking. I don’t know my own emotions. I remember walking and smelling roses one day and just breaking down crying and having no explanation for that I you know, I didn’t I didn’t have a sense of smell. I always had a very bad sense of smell. Now. I think came back from my end and I can smell flowers. I remember my vision reset a little bit I remember being able see clear, I remember, you know, the physical attributes where I stopped eating meat for six months, I couldn’t be in the sun, I had to wear a hat and sunglasses every day and I was away from big life. I didn’t have any loud music. So I had these physical changes. Now, I was like, Oh, no, I can’t do that. Or I was going to go do something. I was like, No, I’m not going to do that. I’m not going to eat that. And, you know, really four or five a week days ago or a week ago, I was different I function differently in the world. Now my functioning is totally different. In my thought process and my emotions and every day I woke up and I remember thinking and writing, I have no idea what’s going on. Okay, no, Lou, and it’s the weirdest feeling now looking back on it cuz now it’s been, you know, more integration eight years later, worked within and figured a lot of this out, and I knew what was going on. At that point. I never heard the term near death experience. Didn’t know what anything was I just woke up and was like, I have no idea what’s going on. In any aspect physically, mentally, emotionally, spiritually, I was just this last puppy just kind of like along for this weird ride with no language or no direction. I didn’t know any of this was so I couldn’t even grounded and say, Okay, this is happening. It was just I have no idea what’s going on.

And that continued for six months pretty strong. And then somehow and I don’t know, this was just by the Grace, Grace of the universe. I was online googling, like after effects. I’m like, I’m trying I have to figure out what happened. There’s got to be something I said this, someone else have had has had to have something like this happen. And I started looking around, I came across ions. And it had a list of, you know, after effects of an MD like 35 and I had like 33 out of the 35. All right, well, that’s a pretty good indicator. So I called them I said, Hey, I live in Los Angeles and I took your little tasks. And I had 33 out of the 35 Is there anyone you can connect me to, to speak to I need to talk to someone? And they said, yeah, we have this woman up in Santa Barbara, give her a call. Here’s her number. So I called this this woman. And we spoke and she goes, Oh, honey, within two months, she goes, Oh, honey, you had a near death experience. I go What? And she goes, Yeah, and she’s like, Listen, I haven’t proved me once you come up next week, we’ll talk and that that’s really what started the process of understanding what happened and, and and the heavy work in every aspect of my life of integration and, you know, in accepting and evolving into who I who I became instantly, and it was an instant flash with the end but that’s a journey is decades and a lifetime of fully integrating and understanding and developing that consciousness of where you grew into. And that that’s how I found I ns and groups or community and I, I started to then piece together everything that happened and I said, Well this happened. Oh, well that yeah, that’s that and this and then they said, Well, what else is kind of trickling out is like things were getting worked out over days, weeks, months, even years. And you know, even at the seven year mark of my NDA, which was last summer, it was like the other shoe drop of me changing my life and everything and, you know, looking at the crossing, okay, this is a 15 year process. So this is a 30 year lifetime process and understanding that because there’s always something that kind of comes up more. You know, I never spoke about this for six and a half years. I never talked about my near death experience. I mean, people that knew me, I just said, Yeah, you know, Chris had a peanut reaction and that was that was it, you know, it was more to it. If I ever did speak about it, I probably only spoke about 75% of the story, and it was very filtered and edited down out. Now, now I speak pretty freely about it. I don’t I don’t I disclose everything. There’s 100% disclosure with my story. But yeah, a year ago that was you’re getting the, you know, the 75% version.

Brian Smith 38:14
Yeah, I think that’s, that seems to be a common thing that people have the, you know, there is this process of reintegrating back into the world feeling maybe out of place out of sorts. You know, what? The sensitivity so I’m glad you took the time to explain that to people that may not really understand all that’s involved with it’s not just that, that 15 minutes or whatever that you were on the other side, it’s coming back and just being like, a fish out of water, I guess.

Chris Kito 38:42
Yeah, absolutely. Well, I still feel like a fish out of water eight years later. So I think I think any MD he or anyone that’s had a severe experience or a spiritually transformed experience has the, you know, forever Forever your changed and the key Whereas integrating the experience will never leave you and it always is constantly evolving and you know we have to live in this world and function and do the best we can for ourselves and family and community but but your it there’s always going to be a rift in like the paper of life because you have had that experience and there’s many ways to look at it and a lot of and I’ve I’ve taken the path of okay I understand that you know, I’m gonna think operate and function very differently than some people there’s going to be people that agree with me they don’t agree with me and I don’t impose anything on anyone I could be right I could be totally wrong. It’s that’s none of my there’s no judgment. It’s none of my business what other people think it and you kind of find your tribe of people that that are in that same MD world. That’s why it’s such a beautiful niche niche community. Yeah, we all kind of have this understanding of anyone that’s gone through something or grief or, or a big transformative experience that

it changes your life forever. Yeah, yeah.

You’re in a interaction with a baseball bat, um, really, you know, just moments of, not of just having to really, to be it’s hard to put words to it, but to be uation where you just don’t know how to respond or you don’t understand and and knowing that, okay, you know, a year ago or six months ago, this is how I would have handled it or done it. Now you’re like, I don’t know, like you’re learning to rethink you’re learning to reuse your brain. You’re learning to reuse your your mind or emotions and your understanding of what’s going on and all of that shifts. It’s like everything you’ve been locked thought everything you believe thought learned was just thrown out the window. He know we’re going to start this over a different and you’re like, Okay, all right. I can’t even go back to that. No, no, no, it’s gone. Like you just don’t think like that anymore. And like, you can’t, it’s hard to explain because you have to kind of be in that position to understand how to, like really just turn over your life and it wasn’t like a process of Oh, we’re going to spend 20 years of meditating and then you’re slowly going to gradually it’s like No, just like that. And D everything’s turned over and gear it out. Because it’s so severe and so intense so quickly. It just blows your it’s like a hurricane ripping a roof off roof off a house. That’s what it’s really like and then you got to kind of put the shingles back on one by one but the roof looks completely different. rebuilt so I’m rebuilding my house in my everything. And that process still goes on Eight years later, I still deal with that. And, and then you also have the little other things you know, I remember you know, I’ve always you know, from that You know, the the, you know, something so simple as the candy that’s on the checkout aisle. When you go at a grocery store, one peanut m&m will kill me in a half hour. You know, I can’t touch food on an airplane I have to be super careful. There were moments where I remember after my en d A year later, I remember just sitting there and I cooked pasta and I was like, there’s peanuts in this pasta. And I took the pasta, I threw it all out. I wouldn’t touch it. And I’m like, well, there’s like any peanuts and spaghetti I don’t know why I just thought there was and so there was moments I had that word challenging to really trust food and even now I don’t I only eat anyone that knows me knows I only eat at a few restaurants there select restaurants I won’t go near them. I won’t touch anything new I I don’t eat anything that I don’t prepare myself. I go to a bar Keystone has cookies. This cake. I don’t touch it like it’s just You know anyone that knows me know that even bother asking they know the deal. So I had to adjust my life physically from my allergies significantly all my epi pens are up to date I can’t even have it show on my wall we we don’t need to make the same mistake twice and so there was that there was a lot of little things that came up so there was a bit of a reintegration and understanding with food something that people eat and snack and is healthy can kill me and I’m surrounded by that all the time. And you know I someone close to me once said you know they had a very severe allergy to tomatoes. And they would whenever they went to the grocery store they put it tomato in their basket to just to kind of understand it and like to develop less of a fear and an understanding it so when I go to groceries, sometimes I’ll put hmm Peanuts, walnuts or something that safely contained in my basket. Just a habit with me and say I said Listen, I remember talking to peanut butter. Listen, I will respect you, if you respect me, and this is how we’re going to be I come in peace. And I walk around Whole Foods with nuts in my basket. And that really helped a lot. And I said, I’m not going to have this adversarial relationship with food that I is going to kill me all the time. And that was a big issue. I mean, I, I don’t you know, I’ve never met anyone that reads labels as much as I do. And as many times as I do, I’ll read it five times, and scan it and look to make sure you know, no nuts, no nuts, no nuts. No, you got to check is it you know, facility that had that. So there are so many effects that come out of it. And

it’s been quite the process. It’s been a blessing. The journey has been an absolute blessing. I’ve met amazing people and I, you know, now I find it very healing for myself to be speaking about this. And that’s really been very transformative because for six years, I wouldn’t talk about it. It just didn’t come up. It was like No, we just don’t talk about it. I was really I didn’t feel it. And then all the sudden I said, You know what, I had this opportunity to speak last May. And then I said, you know, I’m just gonna do it, I don’t even care anymore. And I did it and then everything started changing. It started lightening up. And it’s been an unbelievably healing a moment for me and I still don’t necessarily enjoy talking about it. But I made the decision with myself and I said, You know what, I’m so fortunate to be here. And there are so many people that aren’t that passed away from food allergies, and I walked out of there when I should have been dead, or I should have been permanently brain damaged. I was oxygen starved. And there was a woman a few months after my incident that had that happen, and she is in a vegetative state and I always had that like up there. So I read those articles. I see him girl dies on an airplane kid bites a Snickers bar on a playground. He’s dead. 20 minutes later, that that was me, but for the grace of the universe, I’m here now and healthy. And I said, You know what? My service back for that is going to be to speak about my experience and my integration and healing and the path I’m walking now. And if I can bring healing, peace, comfort or understanding to just one person, anytime I do an interview, I speak I talk to anybody. It’s worth it to me. And I’m going to put my own self aside and do it. Because I don’t I don’t need to talk about this. I don’t have a burning desire, but I forced myself to say, you know what, anyone that calls or texts or asks or I put myself out there, I’m going to do it. And I’ve found that to be very rewarding. And that’s my, that’s my repayment for being back alive. Is is helping

Brian Smith 47:01
Do you think your indie was planned or wasn’t an accident?

Chris Kito 47:05
Question? I thought about that. But you know, it’s like, is there Free Will or pre determination? I don’t know. Um, I? I don’t know. I don’t think it really matters at this point. I mean, I put it in my mouth. I’m here now. Yeah, I think life is a combination of both. And I don’t know how my life would be different or it could have I mean, it could have gone anyway. I don’t know that answer. I’m sure it would be probably

Brian Smith 47:33
the message you got the message you got from your grandparents who was your grandpa’s It wasn’t your time. I mean, so it sounds like you I mean, cuz Some people say they were given a choice i’ve i’ve heard most people say they weren’t

Chris Kito 47:45
really a choice. And once I heard that I remember fighting to go back. And that that was I fought I fought like, and that’s it. That’s usually when you’re fighting to breathe. That’s a variable primal like there’s nothing more primal and natural in this universe when you’re fighting to breathe for oxygen so and someone’s like I mean when you really want something like that you know and you’ve been to that level of you know I’m fighting to read that is there’s there’s nothing beyond that I was on that edge and went over it a bit so I yeah I found my healing and my integration has significantly been accelerated and I’ve come to more peace with this being open and speaking about it and I find it very rewarding to speak to others about it and you know, every time I talk about my story, it’s it’s never a canned story. It just kind of comes out and flows out and everyone I’ve ever spoken to groups or you know, I will do an interview and then a very easy to find on the internet with my email and cell phone so I get random probably like since since Probably the last five months I get at least one or two people randomly calling texting or emailing me that saying, Hey, I saw an interview or your video and I just googled you and I got your cell number. So I get random calls and it’s from all over the world and it is really beautiful experience for someone saying, Hey, you know, I lost you know, child I lost you know, a spouse I had this happen I there’s no one I can talk to, but I saw your video and you said something that resonated with me. And I was like, and I you know, and I just say sure I’m here to listen and that that was it. That was my repayment plan for given an opportunity to to live and be healthy and come back. Really, Yeah, fine. And in many ways, 1000 times better than I was. I that that’s that’s how I looked at it. It’s like alright, that’s my, that’s my job. I have to do this now. I’ve had six and a half years to not talk about it. Now. I’m going to talk about it and and be absurd. Service yeah to others. And that’s that’s my that’s my give back now. And

Brian Smith 50:08
so let me ask you what’s your connection Now you mentioned earlier that your grandmother, your grandfather, your primary spirit guides, what’s your connection to the other side Now do you have mediumistic abilities Do you know I am father but

Chris Kito 50:21
I’ve always been fairly intuitive my whole life you know, I can always say now now I’m very, very intuitive. I have very good mediumship ability very good psychic ability. I am. I don’t, I don’t read really through other people. I do it sometimes for my family, I do it a lot for myself. Um, and I use it as my guiding way to make decisions in life or business or anything like along like that, but I can use mediumship I use psychic ability I I can pick up energy exceptionally well with someone like meeting them and just kind of knowing and, and it’s been interesting. So I’ve done that. Some work with it more over the last few years with actually working with coaches and trainers that are mediums and psychics and really developing it one on one and it’s been really great. It’s a tool. It’s It’s It’s interesting, I don’t I don’t really talk about it outside of the indie world no one really knows I have that that ability or that sense, because sometimes, you know, you have to know your audience with this. And it’s a very heavy topic and ease and spirituality and consciousness and death and dying. And then you bring in mediumship spirits, angels, you know, listen, there’s a community that loves that and you can let it go. And there’s other people that not so much and I’m very respectful of everyone. And I go from there, but I do and, you know, it’s interesting, my all my grandparents have been deceased, but I don’t feel that there are moments where I’ll think like, oh, someone’s so still alive and it’s a cold night. They passed away eight, nine years ago and it’s really odd. Because physically they’re not here but like being able to kind of tap into it and feel it or I can see signs or little things here or there or like it’s still energetically around. So there’s the blessing of having that or even in business or life where I can meet someone and I can kind of know what they’re thinking or I could see I always say you know, I you know, I can kind of see through most people instantly of what it is what’s going on what’s really happening and all of that it’s great you know, the downside is I have to be very very cautious and aware of energy my surroundings I mean salt that’s grounding I mean I have crystals and bracelets on right now and beads to go through this interview and grounding myself so it’s been a challenge and being you know hypersensitive, and that takes a long time to develop you know, personal boundaries and grounding and energy and, and all of this it’s a really a double edged sword when you’re new to it, and eventually, anyone that does any of that energy work or spirits I mean, if they understand how best But they can navigate because it can be very challenging to walk in or be like, I gotta get out of here. You know, you pick up on something and you know, there are countless times I’ve said to someone I said, I’ll call him I’ll be like, I got to get away from this person. That’s not good. There’s nothing there’s no, no, no. And then, you know, six months later, I’m proving 100%, right? It’s just a challenge to because you’re hypersensitive to everything around you from how well you sleep to. Okay, I slept weird on my shoulder and my shoulder then explodes for a week, where, you know, I’m just hypersensitive with everything or food, obviously, for me is a major point, food, weather climate. You know, the interesting moment a storm comes in, I feel that in my body, so it’s great when you can harness that properly, but it takes there’s a little bit of a bumpy road, integrating those skill sets and the sensitivity. Yeah,

Brian Smith 53:53
well, I could I could understand what you’re saying. I mean, this this world, you I’ve taught people like it’s like yourself, to have this sensitivity to different energies and stuff that we might not as normal people kind of filter out. But for you, I guess it’s a kind of learn to protect yourself. I want to ask you, I mean, you’re obviously you’re embracing life, you’re happy to be back, have your second chance and all that. What’s your relationship with death flight? Now, you’re still a young man, you probably have a long time to go before you see your grandfather’s again. But what are your thoughts on death? Isn’t your

Chris Kito 54:27
question I have no fear of death. I think it’s as natural as being born. I think it’s the most euphoric and peaceful experience for anyone that is facing that at the moment. It’s not something to be feared. It’s a natural progression. It’s inevitable. And, yeah, I want to add this to that question. I’ve I’ve spoken to people and I’ve met other people that want to die and they want to and even other nd years I’d say no, I really don’t want to be back. I’m just waiting to go. And I don’t judge anybody but what I feel is life is so precious and there’s so much beauty in this world if you want to find it and see it and there is chaos, but there’s also beauty. It’s a balance everything in the universe, just you can choose what you want to see him focus on. And I, I there, I feel just living with gratitude and understanding the beauty and the preciousness of life because you can’t go back. It’s final, in the sense that like, a it’s over, this life’s over, it’s over there may be another one, but this one’s over. And there’s gonna be people that miss you and there’s gonna be moments and there’s so much you don’t know or things that can happen, or that we can do as individuals that can make life so rewarding and rewarding for others. So I look at life as I would my message. If I had to sum that up to someone that asked, I would say you learn to live life every day with gratitude and look at it as a blessing because you There’s so much opportunity out there and there’s so much beauty and we tend to overlook that. And as humans, we look at the bad we look at the negative, we look at the moment and not the whole arc. I mean, if I was in there in that moment, I was laying there the day after my end, and this is awful. This is painful. I just want to die. Because I can’t figure out how my mind’s working or anything I would have missed out on the rest of my life, which is another 70 years 80 years. So I feel we get too caught up in the moment and we don’t look at the big picture and say, yeah, there might there’s gonna be some rainy days it happens there but there’s gonna be some bad moments. bad moments bad this bad relationships, bad, whatever. But you know what, if we look at everything, you got to go through this storm, guess what, it’s gonna be beautiful and amazing. And it’s there if you want it. And I fall on the side of you know, you got to live life and it’s a prayer it’s a gift. And when you’re not looking at as a gift that shows you’re not in gratitude in my opinion, and you’re not embracing You’re not evolving and you’re not serving or helping or sharing. And that’s really what I find so beautiful. And yeah.

Brian Smith 57:11
Yeah, I think that’s really, really well put. It’s what we choose to focus on. As you said, life is life is good, there’s good and bad and every bad thing. There’s some good that comes out of it. So we have to look at the entire arc and, and I see another thing you said it was really excellent. You know, we, if you believe in reincarnation, that’s great, but you’re never gonna have this life again. This This life is unique, and it’s not very long. Yeah. So Chris, I understand you’re speaking at the ions conference is going to be a virtual ions conference, let our listeners know it’s going to be online August 14 through 16th. And I answered the International Association for near death studies and people want to know about it. That’s a virtual conference that I so virtual conference dot i ND And you’re going to be speaking in

Chris Kito 57:58
battle. This is my second time. Speaking This is my third time now this will be my fourth time attending, which is an amazing conference. It’s been life changing for me to to meet other experiencers and people and researchers. It’s my favorite four days out of the year. And I’m so disappointed. We’re not in person this year. But I’ll take the virtual conference, amazing experience amazing people. Second time speaking, fourth time visiting, we are going to be discussing integrating near death experiences after having experience. As you know, like we said earlier, the experience is like 2% of the pie. The other 98 is okay, integrating it evolving, understanding, sharing, growing and living your life in the best possible way of taking that and really, you know, you have an ND in a circle back, it’s what you do after what are you going to do with it? Are you going to make yourself better? Are you going to meet with community and people are you going to share and grow you’re going to be a better human being You know, what are you going to do? And I think that’s a big question that you want to ask yourself. I found for me that, you know, having that purpose or understanding and least sang, again, I is not something I is, it’s not easy for me to talk about a year and a half ago, this would have never happened even a year ago, it still would have been, maybe is, is, you know, saying, alright, I’m going to do this, and I’m going to share and I’m going to put myself out there and, you know, evolving along. And so a lot of the panel we’re going to be discussing is bat and some advice and our personal stories and experiences and how to continue that journey because you know, I’ll be saying something different a year, two years, five years from now, it’s always evolving. And being aware that it’s never it’s never going to remain the same. It’s always going to change and being open to that and I think, you know, people say they want an N d there are other ways to find that alignment or under And I think really what people want is a way to find healing and peace and substance in their lives and to go through something that’s difficult whether it be Greece, Greece, gratitude, grief, or change or transformation. That’s it. No One No one, no one wants the pain. They just want the after effect, and someone can discuss it and say, Hey, listen, I went through it, you don’t have to suffocate to death. Let me save you that and this is what I’ve realized. And this is what I felt and you know, take it leave it take what you like, don’t like or what may resonate or might seem authentic to you, and work with that. And if that could bring healing peace transformation or harmony, take it and run because I think that’s what everyone wants. Ultimately, in the end. It’s just someone needs to find something they think the end ease the quick shot. It’s not it’s it’s painful, violent, intense, and then you still got to do decades of work afterwards. And anyone that says they don’t i mean i for my own experience, it’s going to continue forever.

Brian Smith 1:01:02
Yeah, I think what you just said was was wonderful. I think it’s excellent I and I applaud you for what you’re doing, because I think it’s very, very important. I attend our local ions meetings here in Cincinnati and and I’ve gotten to meet a lot of people that have had Andy’s a safe. From the outside, it seems like it’s your fourth thing, you know, you get to go across the other side, you get to see loved ones and stuff. But people don’t realize all the work that’s involved, you know, when you come back from it, and I’ve seen people in that community struggle to integrate it. And for people like you that have been through it and gone through your six years. It’s like I work. I work with grief. I work with people who mostly have children transition. So they can look at me and say, Well, I can get to where, you know, Brian is hopeful I could be example for them. You’re an example for someone who just had an NDA that might be going, which has happened to me, you know, I can’t deal with this world anymore. So I applaud you for what you’re doing. Chris, it’s been really great getting to know you, I appreciate you, you By being yourself and putting it out there and doing the work that you’re doing in the world, I look forward to that.

Chris Kito 1:02:06
We’ll do another zoom in a couple of weeks. Maybe next year we’ll meet on earth to do this year, so

Brian Smith 1:02:14
that’d be nice. All right, it’s good. Thank you, Ryan. day.

Unknown Speaker 1:02:17
Take care. Bye.

Brian Smith 1:02:21
While I hope you enjoyed the episode, I want to make it really easy for you to reach me. So just send me a text 231996 and simply text the word growth gr o w th. In fact you can right now just say hey Siri, send the message. 231996 and when Siri asked you what you want to send, just say growth. You can do the same thing with Ok, Google. Thanks a lot. Have a wonderful day.

Announcer 1:02:48
Thanks for listening to grief to growth. Brian hopes that you find this episode helpful. And we’ll come back for future episodes. Brian’s best selling book grief to growth planted not buried. is a great resource for anyone who is coping with grief or know someone who is. If you enjoy the podcast and would like to support it, there are three things you can do to help. The first is to share the podcast with someone that you think it will help. The second is to go to iTunes rate and review the episode. The third way you can support the podcast is by becoming a patron. Head over to www slash grief to growth. That’s pa t ar e o Slash grief, the number to growth and sign up to make a small monthly donation. patrons get access to exclusive bonus content and knowledge that you are helping to spread the message of grief to grow. For more about Brian and grief to growth, visit www grief to

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