Grief 2 Growth Podcast- Nicky Alan- M.E. Myself and & I- Ep. 100

After being on top of the world as an internationally known psychic medium Nicky was basically bedridden by Myalgic encephalomyelitis or chronic fatigue syndrome for five years. Her memoir reads like a novel. But, it’s more proof that truth is stranger than fiction. I immensely enjoyed my time with Nicky.

From the very moment I saw her on the screen, her energy jumped out at me. It’s hard to believe she still struggles with this chronic syndrome that drives many to despair and even suicide.

Nicky is a born Psychic Medium coming from many generations of psychics before her. She officially started her psychic work 28 years ago. For eighteen years she was also a Major Investigation bereavement trained Detective in Essex Police. Following medical retirement in 2003 and by public demand she has achieved a very high profile in the spiritual industry as a full-time International TV Psychic Medium, Spiritual Teacher, Angel Communicator, and Writer. Her debut book M.E Myself and I: Diary of a Psychic is inspirational!

Her YouTube channel is The Bedroom Guru.




Brian Smith 0:00
Hey everybody, this is Brian back with another episode of grief to growth and today I’ve got with me Nicky Allen. I just finished reading Nikki’s book, which is fascinating as we’re gonna talk about today, or book, which is her memoir, I guess you’d call it story of your life. So I found it to be fascinating. I’m going to read a little bit of introduction. I don’t like to do long introductions. That’s what we’re here to do the interview for, but I’ll be a little bit legit. Nikki is nearly as a born psychic medium coming from many just generations of psychics before her. She officially started a psychic work 28 years ago. But for 18 years, she was also a major investigator, bereavement trained detective, and as an Essex police, following medical retirement 2003. And by public demand, she achieved a very high profile in the spiritual industry as a full time international TV, psychic, medium, spiritual teacher, Angel communicator and writer. And her book is me myself and I are Me, myself and I and I’ll explain what that is about Diary of a psychic that’s due to be released on the 27th of November of this year. We’re recording this on the 17th of November. So with that, I want to welcome Nikki Allen.

Nicky Alan 1:09

I just have to say you’re exceptionally handsome. Oh, my God, I just had to get it out there. All right. Well,

Brian Smith 1:16
thank you. I appreciate that. I love your energy. I just love your energy. And it’s fun after having read your book and knowing what you’ve been through. It’s just it’s amazing the feeling that comes from you. So I’d like to let you start wherever you want to start as far as telling your story. In the book. I know you’ve talked about the fact you were you’ve been psychic since birth, I guess?

Nicky Alan 1:40
Yes, yes. My first encounter though, where I knew something was really different. You know, I’ve kind of had dreams and visions, and I prefer prophesized things. And I thought everybody could do that. The biggest thing was that my dad drove past me when I was nine years old in his car, put his thumbs up and said, I’m okay, Nick is I’m okay. The weird thing about that was, is that he died in a road accident two days before. Yeah. So he had fully manifested Himself in his car and pulled up to me when I was walking with my auntie and our dog. So you can imagine as a nine year old, I am completely shocked because everybody’s told me that daddy’s gone to heaven. So I go running back home. Everybody’s obviously mourning, and I’ve gone How dare you just think that you’re just saying daddy. And so my granddad and this is the strongest side they’ve both got spiritual understanding, but my paternal side is or the biggie medium psychics and healers. And he said, Look, you know, you’re special, you’re different, you’re going to start seeing things like this now. And obviously, the first one is your dad’s. And it kind of proceeded through it. As you’ll see in the book. When I was in my teenage years, I went through a horrendous amount of physical mental abuse. And so it kind of bubbled away in the background. But I realized when I actually connected with a serafin, the oldest older of the angels, that they were singing to me a common me after I had been abused. So I was walking in the corner here, this, and it sounded like, he got like a radio going on next door or something like that. And it was the most beautiful chorus and it never occurred to me that they were angels, I was in so much trauma. And and then I later when I was doing a workshop, I took with the students up, you know, to the spirit world and to heaven, wherever you want to go with the Crystal Palace. And then they said, Oh, welcome back to when are you

Unknown Speaker 3:39
an angel? Yeah, when

Nicky Alan 3:40
we sang to you during your bad times. And it just I came back supposed to be this professional tutor crying my eyes out. Wow. It was amazing. And so I knew then that I had this affiliation to the angel rounds as well. And I kind of you know, stuck with more the spirit well, communication, and obviously, I used it a lot as a detective. You know, when I was in the place, it was fantastic. But the worst thing was one of my major roles was as a family liaison officer for murder victim families. So I facilitate information from our office to you know, the victim’s family. And the problem with that was is half the time on to the murder victim in the room with the family. So I’m trying to keep this professional, you know, data dog around when we need control. All I can do is see like the man or woman don’t tell them I’m okay. Tell them I’m okay. It was really, really difficult. I used to see what people actually did during an interview. And this is supposed to be from call, but I’m seeing that they are guilty. So I’ve just seen them kill the person. When they say no comment, no comment, and I’m not oh my goodness, I know you’ve done it. So what we used to do was we used to pretend anonymous information came in. But really it was my hunch and people started to learn and know you know that I could do it. had a baby get stolen from a hospital was a huge story here in the UK. And it it was it set a precedence for security hospitals after this because this woman just literally walked in and had this baby. And one of the MCI people came to me. And he said, Look, we’re an SI whatever they’re called now. Yeah, that is it. No CSI.

Brian Smith 5:23
Okay, okay.

Nicky Alan 5:26
And he had the blanket that he was in. So I said, The baby will be back by 6am. I drew the view from where the baby was, and exactly what color the baby was wearing some unusual because she was in red and blue at the time. And I said, and the lady is recorded here as having mental health issues in this hospital. And every basically everything I said was completely right. And so what happened was it ended up transpiring that I would do readings and corporate parties and psychic parties in the evening. Investigate my major crime during the day. Yeah. Batman day job, and then I’ve got my psychic capable.

Brian Smith 6:05
So did the people on the force know that you were psychic? Or were you undercover at the time or

Nicky Alan 6:10
not? I was undercover for the first couple of years, I just couldn’t help myself, you know, with me is, as you’ll see, in the book in me, myself, and I, I I’ve got a very loud presence and and now it’s naturally from happiness and abundance, whereas then it was a different kettle of fish. It was through you notice all of that I had obviously adopted, I felt so vulnerable. And so I couldn’t keep quiet. So, you know, we had this missing lady who had gone missing and it was real, you know, grave concerns, right? I kept seeing hairdressers. And then the, the hairdresser knows where she is go to the hairdresser, go to the hair salon. And they’re like what you’re talking about, so just do it. And that. And then it turned out the hairdresser knew where she wasn’t she was in hiding because she was in a relationship she should be in. And so I kept talking about here and then word got out and then said, Oh, can I have a reading? So eventually, by the time I was mostly detective, everybody knew I can do what I did. Some obviously took, you know, you know, took the Mickey Mouse and they just used to joke about it, but others took it seriously. And I did get quite a few results during those days. During those days. It was quite interesting.

Brian Smith 7:19
I believe the British police they actually used they use psychics in their work sometimes. Right.

Nicky Alan 7:24
Well, you know what, I think it’s more accessible in the US to be honest with you. Yeah, I do because being on both sides of it, you know, being a detective I used to send me they said to all the Kooks, so if there’s anybody that called in and said, I’ve seen the vision, they go, you go to that one. Right. Okay. And so really, to be honest with you, from my experience, you know, they really didn’t take a lot on board. I don’t know if it got if you remember this, but we had a serial killer that was killing prostitutes here. Back here, I think it was the late 90s, something like that. No, early 2000. And I knew where the next person was going to get killed. I knew where the person lived, his work and all the rest of it. And luckily, one of the main investigators on it was a friend of mine, I phoned her up and said, Look, you need to listen to me, you know, he’s going to hit again, and it’s going to be here and blah, blah, blah. Okay. And that was it. Nobody really got back to me. And it’s such a shame because genuine bona fide mediums and bear in mind, obviously because I’ve come from that background, lots of murder victims come to me. And so I’m like, why would you listen to me, and then I write it all down. The first victim of the serial, you know, serial killings have come to me six weeks before I even hit the news. And I was in a circle, you know, training students. I said, Oh, my God, someone’s been murdered during this stream and the names Natalie and her, but nobody knew about it. And I’ve got one mom, but she had been murdered on the day, but didn’t get found till six weeks later. So when someone saw Nicole’s Her name’s Nicole, and, and as soon as someone’s sorting the tickets, if Nikki told TV turn on the TV, it’s her. I’m like, wow. So I was connected to that the whole way through. And I kept sending reports in and trying to get people’s attention. But unfortunately, you know, we’re not recognized as an expert witness. We’re not recognized in a court of law. So there’s nothing we can do really, unless some you know, decent detectives thing I’m going to try that inquiry to see if we can get anywhere Yeah, and I so I wish they did use this a lot more. I really don’t even have the fire brigade service common. test me on a few things on how people died in fires. And again, they were right because like proven places, and they were going to push to try and get psychics in to investigate, you know, suspicious fires where they couldn’t get a suspect. But again, nobody wanted to know about it, and they don’t and then the problem is darling, is that this is no disrespect, but there’s some amazing stuff psychics and mediums out there that could bring so much help to emergency services. Yeah, but then there’s the other side, the Joker’s the ones that are really not very good. And the problem is we get tarred with the brush.

Brian Smith 10:11
Yeah. Yeah. It’s hard to sort of man. Yeah.

Nicky Alan 10:15
You know. And, you know, I remember when some of my old colleagues from the police, they came and watch my first day to show and they thought I was going to be this cool, wearing a wedding dress, black makeup. No, you’re not changing my persona at all. Anything about myself? And I think that’s why I did so well, because I was so grounded, right? You know, I am I do what I do. I don’t add any, you know, spookiness to it. Or unnecessary magic is the most natural thing in the world. And the more that I can reach people to understand that they can all do that, because we’re all spirit encased in a physical body, the happier I am. And so to have me myself, and I go out, it’s just incredible. I never, ever plan to be an author ever. I thought there’s no way. You know, at the end of the day, I had my road accident in 2012. And I thought, that’s it. I’m out of it. And the thing is, is that I don’t blame them. But people are fickle. You know, all of my magazine work, dried up, TV work dried up. Everything just disappeared, because I physically couldn’t get out of bed. Yeah, I couldn’t get my head off the pillow. I just wanted to die every day. And I’ve never ever thought that I will try to suicide every day for years.

Brian Smith 11:33
Yeah, let’s let’s go through the arc of of that, because I want people to kind of get a feel for for what you went through. I mean, you you and I’m reading your book. I’m like, please enough for this part woman because I was like, this has got to stop at some point. I mean, you started off you were you were abused. As a child, you went through that. You went to the police force, you had it. You had a great career at the police force, but there was an injury, and you had to retire from the police force. So your life, you rebuild your life again, you become a TV psychic, you’ve got the show and everything. And you’re doing great with that. So that brings us up to the point where we have the the B which is the me and I haven’t heard that term before. So that stands for

Unknown Speaker 12:13

Nicky Alan 12:14
this is the thing. It stands for my object and Kevin, my lighters in the US, you know as chronic fatigue syndrome CFS, right. So that’s one of the thing is it is a fact titled Brian. But obviously, lots of people in the states who like email me and write me say, What’s me and I’m like, Wow, I didn’t think that you knew it over there. But it is chronic fatigue syndrome. So what happened was I was I don’t know if you know about the, the late Colin fry, I was under his management. And I literally what you want to aspire to as a psychic medium, not out of fame and glory. I just wanted to be the highest profile medium I could to share my knowledge and bring as much comfort and that was my main aim. And I was doing it. You know, in front of 1000 people in theaters and a TV I was loving it. And I was just about to set up a state arcade leaders, I was just about to set up a tour in the States and Australia. And the world was at my feet. It really was. But I wasn’t right inside. I never realized that at the time. So then what happens is I’m going down to Devon, which is I don’t know if you know that it’s like on the southwest coast of England, beautiful place very rural. And, you know, the coastline is absolutely phenomenal. And I fell in love with it when I was actually doing a show. I’m in a theater a few years before. And so I was buying this mobile home like static home by the sea. So I had two homes. And I was with this partner who really didn’t love but it didn’t matter. We went down to Devon pulled into a restaurant because we wanted something to eat. And this girl came skidding towards me and T boned the car.

Brian Smith 13:58
Yeah. And

Nicky Alan 14:00
the thing is, is that that side impact is exactly how my dad died. So I don’t know if this kicked off any sort of trauma concerning that. And because he’s death kind was a catalyst all of my suffering or all of our family stuff. Yes. And I literally could see her skidding towards me she’d only pass the driving test the day before I knew

Brian Smith 14:21
this was going to happen before.

Nicky Alan 14:22
Oh yeah, I know in the morning I said to him and I refer to him is Jake

Brian Smith 14:28
Yes, that was a great name for him because wow

Nicky Alan 14:36
and I said oh my god I’m so it’s gonna hit me there’s going to be an impact because where is it? So what I don’t mind was when he said and I said I don’t know I just I could see myself getting this impacted since I woke up nobody likes sweating breathless from a dream was like oh my goodness, I didn’t know when it was so so it had to happen. It’s as simple as that it had to happen. Yeah. And and so it happened that day at 7pm that day, and I saw her skidding towards me, I couldn’t get my seatbelt off. So she kind of impacted me with me crunched up against the center console. So everything was black, you know, this side of the car and I couldn’t get out. I just couldn’t move. I thought I’d broken my jaw. The pain was excruciating. The paramedics had to get me out. I was in hospital overnight. And in the end, I did so many tests because I couldn’t understand. I was literally screaming in agony. And they were pumping me with morphine, but they said, Look, you’ve just got soft tissue damage, you’ve obviously got severe shock, and they released me. And I went home and went straight to bed and I slept the whole day and the night and then the following night I woke up. And my eyes all I can describe is is that it felt like molten lava in my eyes. I could almost hear my eye sockets moving off, what the hell is this all about? And then when I looked towards the window, it was like someone that just stopped me with hot fire pokers. And I thought this isn’t right. I was dizzy. I felt nausea. I was shaking my body feel my hands. And as I tried to get up out of bed, I just fell on the floor, couldn’t move, couldn’t walk. And so my friends at the time, she carried me to the toilet, and helped me she go seriously What the hell? I said, I don’t know what’s wrong. Cut long story short, I went back to ama. And they basically said, you know, the accident emergency they said it’s just shocking. Notice, just wait a while. And then we roll on a year with multiple neuro tests and all the rest of it. Because I was still I was in excruciating pain. Sometimes I couldn’t talk. I couldn’t understand what you were saying to me. I couldn’t understand why I can stay focused on anything. My memory lost about 10 minutes before it left again. It was the most scariest time. And because I was in such a such a badly badly balanced relationship. I was the breadwinner. So I had to cancel things. And so that started affecting the money side of things, you know, and so I then forced myself khopoli. But honestly, I’m not joking. You’re Brian, when I read my book, I just I keep rereading it because I don’t recognize that girl anymore. Yeah, keep picking What were you thinking? How much did you hate yourself? That you would drag yourself in agonizing pain full of painkillers and red ball and go to a state show? sitting on a sofa? Yeah, because I couldn’t I couldn’t stand and I’m like, What were you thinking? But obviously that you know, the material pressure that we all have, I’m thinking I’m gonna lose my house, I’m gonna lose my second eye. And so yes, the material world does play a massive part in pressure and all of our decisions. Sure, I’ve learned now. Doesn’t matter. I had it all. And I lost a lot. I lost a lot. And if I lost you, and now I’m in a home that I older, I’m by the beach and literally the beaches across the road. And I have no debt. I’m completely debt free. And that was helped by an angel regulary I’d never heard of Yeah, this is the thing. The angel thing was amazing. Because it wasn’t, you know, but some people may say, oh, you’re preaching to the converted, you know, you’re already spiritual. And so you know, you just put the angels out. Yeah, absolutely not. I hated and I don’t use the word hate anymore. But I hated the angel realms, the spirit world with a vengeance. I convinced myself that I’d made it all up throughout the years, and I just lucky guests and cold read people. I just absolutely hated everything about them. As far as I was concerned, they abandon me. They’d forsaken Me and nothing rotting in a bed for five years. I

Brian Smith 18:57
think that’s so important. It’s interesting. I was there’s a guy interviewed a little while ago, and he wrote a book about spiritual stuff. And one of the things he said is when we come into this world, we agree to be abandoned. And never heard anybody put it that way before I’ve heard forget forgotten, or we forget but not abandoned. And as I’m reading your book, and I’m thinking, the same thing, okay, this woman, she’s connected. She’s physically saw her father after he passed. She’s a medium. She knows this stuff is there, but the hell that you went through, you know, it’s just like you had to feel like, what’s going on?

Nicky Alan 19:32
Oh, totally. The air was blue darling. I used to shout and scream and rage at them. I completely lost my face the will to live. The only thing that stopped me from doing it. And believe me, I used to look at all that morphine and think it would take 10 minutes and I’m gone forever. I’m done. And the only thing that stopped me when my two little rescue dogs that I had, and they used to sit so patiently with me and Teddy, one of my dogs and learn to wake me up, which is also you know, in the book, he would learn to wake me up and get me up and then I’d go back down to sleep get any wake up, get he still does it now, I have a bad day now. He’ll like, Come on, get up, I need to get up and move about and then and then you’ll get in my bed and not let me back in.

Brian Smith 20:21

Nicky Alan 20:22
So I kept picturing, the only thing that kept me alive was I kept picturing me. And I know it sounds really morbid, but me being dead. And then sitting there crying, nobody finding me because I had no contact with anybody apart from the postman, you know, who would come every now and then. And so that’s the only thing that stopped me from going over, because, you know, eight months homeless as well. And having this horrific condition laying on people’s sofas and being polite, and all you want to do is just lay out, you know, it was just more of it just I couldn’t believe and I still can’t. I have got somebody that said, Well, this, this sounds like fiction, which was Yeah, but it’s not every single thing that happened in that book is as true as the days long as I sit here. And it just I could not believe it was just one hit after another. And people say, you know that they get trauma over perhaps a divorce or a loss, or losing their job or losing their kid I had a lot. Yeah, it was just one stage of another of complete and absolute loss where I literally had two dustbin bags, I managed to hide away some of my furniture storage before that got taken. And to then see how Angel visitation and the thing is, again, I used to really look at that thing was hallucinating was like making it up. Because the biggest thing that happened and I say this to anybody that’s going through any trauma or any loss, is you have to surrender. You can’t just surrender. and accept your situation except the last and look away. Sorry, my voice gets a bit weak sometimes see CFS still got it CFS, and it’s accepting your situation and then finding baby steps to move yourself on from the biggest grief or the biggest darkness of your life and find ways Okay, I’ve got this, this is a situation, how do I move on. And my biggest problem was, I was mourning my old life. So as mourning the material aspects of my life. And what I didn’t realize is that they’ve stripped me bear to completely cleanse me inside and out. I didn’t realize how unhealthy I was. I didn’t realize how much I didn’t love myself.

Brian Smith 22:50
Yeah, that that part is, you know, as I’m mourning your own life for years, I’m reading the book, and then thinking about the loss of your first career, your police career, and then you rebuild yourself. And you’ve got to feel like okay, I’m on top of the world. And I’m doing what I’m supposed to do. So I hear about people talking about things like manifestation, the law of attraction. Oh, and it’s really easy to believe in that when things are going well. But what is what are your thoughts about that when you’re going through what you’re going through?

Nicky Alan 23:19
Well, this was the most amazing thing, because throughout all of the processes of this visitations, and I knew they were real, because the dogs would bark, they would literally go mad the middle of the room. So I know that wasn’t my imagination. And one of the things they said to me is, this is after the surrender, where I just went, I’m done. I’m surrender, if you want to show me magic, do it now because I’ve just done that. I’m not going to kill myself. So you’ve sorted this out for me. And that’s when it all started after the surrender. And so I will not in frame of mind to think I deserved anything that I could manifest. And so the first train that they took me on was the train of getting rid of all of my past demons and traumas that shaped me into the person who I was and my behavior and my thoughts systems myself, belief systems myself love. And one of the essences I learned what you have to believe that you deserve what you’re going to get. If you don’t have love yourself, or you think I’d like that, but I don’t really deserve it. You’re not going to get it. No. And so the way they did it was incredible. They said to me, they said to me, sure I’ve written recently I did write in the book is that I like to draw when you’d like to be draw, we’d like to be you know, and so I drew this huge house in the Caribbean because that was my the Caribbean is my, I’m sure I’ve got a previous life there. I used to like I died, I scuba dive, and I used to go to five, six times a year. I love the people the energy I just absolutely adore it. So I thought right, so I’m going to draw this big house. I drew everything. From where I’ve made my cup of tea in the morning or coffee, whether TV was or the bedrooms, I then drew a key at the end of it where the swimming pool was. Now this huge lagoon that eventually led into the sea when they go hiking it like that. I don’t think so. Oh, how they laughed. Because when I was well, which again, is it’ll be in the book to show you how I got there. I literally went over my friend lived in Grenada. And she said, Look come out. It doesn’t matter if you you know, it was all disabled access through the airports. It’s absolutely fantastic. And I got over there. And you know, it was it was easy, because I could just sleep in somebody, it wasn’t a problem. And then she said, Oh, would you like to come with me, and with my friends looking at new house, she’s going to buy, you know what’s coming next. So we walk or come up to these gates and I say, I know this place. And we walked in, there was even a dead lizard in the middle of the floor, I drew in the picture. And I walked into the house. And it was exactly how I drawn it, where the swimming pool was, it was a key at the end into this beautiful lagoon in Grenada, and becoming friends with that lady and staying at that house. And so I went, Whoa. And I showed her sent her photo of it. And I got back to UK. And she went, Oh, my goodness, that’s my home. I said, I know. But I drew that four years ago. Wow. I was like, wow, you know, things like that. So when so that obviously hadn’t been proved to me till four years time. But it was simple things like I used to scream and shout at them, even though I knew they were there. And they’re this wonderful, celestial, you know, presence I used to go.

And I remember them telling me to write my journey to write a book. And I’ve really already do you want me to be an author now? Do you? Whatever this is how you speak to them. I still was quite angry, as you can tell. Oh, yeah. All right. Because they’ve all left me behind. Nobody cares about me. I haven’t even got a magazine column, how am I going to become an all star who’s gonna play my book, who cares all this self pity thing. And then the full Oh, how they laughed again, Brian, because the following day, I got an email completely randomly from a very huge spiritual magazine in the UK, asking me if I wanted to do a column. Now you have to be high profile busy and out there to get a column in a magazine. This is extraordinary. And then three months later, I get offered a second column. And so suddenly, I’m in the running here. And then they told me, they forced me to teach on YouTube. And I say teach. I’m like, I’m not teaching anything. We’re gonna do it from my bed. Yes, teach. And I’m like, No, I’m not doing it. And then my phone turned itself on. And a YouTube video is playing. I didn’t even subscribe to youtube at the time. So are you kidding me. But by that time, I learned that everything they were telling me to do, I did it and things worked out incredibly. And so I started, obviously, the bedroom bureau where I kind of liked it. But I started doing videos for my bed. So you know, I’ve got my makeup on today. But I normally just sit in my pajamas in my bed. And then I just talk about whatever I want to do, or spiritual education. And when I feel well enough, I do card readings. And it’s taken a while to grow. But everything that they’ve told me to manifest and believe in has happened. So when that when the book was finished, and it wasn’t even edited professionally, to be honest with you, that’s something I like to do next time around. But okay, send it out. Send it out, sending this out, send it out and get a deal. And I’m like, there’s no way there’s no way I’m gonna get a deal. It’s not gonna happen. And oh, my goodness, only took about a week. And oh, yes, we’re very interested in this project. But what am I Oh, my goodness. And now it’s number one on Amazon in my genre is reached number one. Wow. It’s incredible. Because, you know, I would I wouldn’t have been, I wouldn’t have been that surprised in my time before the road accident. I call my previous life because upside is huge following. And lots of presents, you’re on a TV and it was easy to come from nothing. And then reach number one in Amazon. And I’m like, this is just incredible. But it’s But even now, I just manifest anything. And it’s not out of greed or one if i think you know, that’s going to help the greater good. So can you help me do that? They do it. Wow. Man, it’s

Unknown Speaker 29:49

Nicky Alan 29:49
and it’s just about trusting the process. It’s about surrendering, accepting whatever blackness you’re in and finding ways to work forward from it. And you were just mentioned earlier about my prison living course. That’s exactly what I did with my prison living course. It’s a seven week online course. And I send lessons or the sessions every week, and they contain. They contain everything that the angels and the spirit world bought me to get you into a spiritual and mindful way of life that you can deal with cope with anything moving forwards. And so now because I’ve seen the vastness and the depth of our soul and who we are and where we come from, when I get a problem, it’s like really rare. Some people will make that problem. Oh, my God, I can’t go pocket. It’s like, Oh, well, yeah, it’s not great. But I’ll get over it. Because it really isn’t big in the grand scheme of things. Yeah. So that’s how I feel about when people say to me, how are you so positive? So how are you so happy? It’s because I’ve been shown that we’re not alone, that miracles do happen. And that they brag to me for five years sentence in Beggs took me through a spiritual boot camp to alleviate all these demons. And, you know, the way I used to behave from my trauma in the past, and have created this happy, contented person that sitting in our pajamas rich in the world. Yeah.

Brian Smith 31:17
Yeah, it’s, it’s, um, when I when I guess what I’m reading your book and looking at the arc of your life and the ups and the downs. And, again, the spiritual bootcamp. You know, it’s really easy, I guess, for us to say that I call it spiritual bypassing, he would just say, Oh, well, it’s everything’s supposed to be so I’m just gonna be you know, happy and you’re very real and very raw in the book about the way you explained, you know, what you went through, but it seems like you always held on to the sliver, obviously, you did, because you thought about suicide, but you didn’t do it. So there was always some hope, some hope that you could, and then you You even got a message. Your father came to you another time, but some a, and you’re kind of like, Okay, well, I have to go through this. But there’s light at the end of the tunnel.

Nicky Alan 32:04
That’s that’s what I think kept me going as well as in the moment it was my dogs. But I knew subconsciously that my dad had told me he visit me at my friends. It’s an amazing gift they gave me my friends took me away to Turkey. And I somebody said, Oh, we heard your psychic Would you like to swap a reading you know, with the local car here? So we swapped readings and then I went up to the apartment just to kind of take on board everything she said because she literally gave me a reading that was so gluing during Yeah, I are gonna be so real. You’re gonna lose everything. Oh, my Oh, my goodness. It’s like she goes in your two dogs will keep you alive. I’m thinking what she’s talking about. It’s like how I need to like kind of, you know, put and I put it all in my journal at the time, I sanded my journal, and then barely mind it was 45 degrees outside and the balcony doors are open to the aircon wasn’t on or anything in the apartment. And I looked out. And I could see mist coming from my mouth. I’m like, What is going on? It was freezing. And then in my peripheral vision, I looked at my legs. And I just saw all this light and glitter. And it was getting stronger and stronger. And it was like my dad just walked through the clouds. And it was like all this. He was like semi invisible. But when his face turned to me it was solid, like a human face to it. Hello, darling. I was on the floor. I was hysterical. And normally, most mediums will tell you this Yes, we can connect get connected to a spirit person when we’re doing a reading but just to sit when you close down and have a spirit visit yo for 10 minutes. He sat there in a chair. And like it makes me go through see now. And I’m literally looking at him and I’m blinking thinking I’m having a breakdown. I’m looking at my dad. And he obviously had gone to Gabriel who is an archangel of visitation as well as the messenger and manifestation. And he obviously said, Look, you know, she’s a spiritual ambassador. We need to kind of keep her because she might kill herself. Let’s go down and have a chat with her. Yeah, so I think he was he was enabled I don’t think never happened again to me. And he basically did say you’re going to go through the worst time of your life. And you know, people I think one of I had someone that did, really not to me, actually. But someone reviewed my book and said, Oh, you know, it was all her her problem. It was all her choices she made you know, she’s not the heroine because she made bad decisions. But the whole reason I highlighted my bad decisions because that’s what we do when we have no self love. Yeah, when we are when we are victims of trauma, and whatever we’ve had happened to us, we will always make those mistakes and that’s why I highlighted the bad mistakes I made so much especially in relationships, because so many women and men can connect with that and why am I always with people like that? Because you deserve any better. This is simple

Brian Smith 35:00
Yeah, no, I, I don’t, I don’t agree with that guy. I thought the book i just i have i’ve read up until recently, like two Memoirs of my entire life. I borrow biographies, biographies, whatever, because I don’t know. But now I see this as a universal story. And I see everybody in you, you’re just extreme. It’s like you got dumped on. But we can all relate to these little things. And when and when you say I lost it all. Some of us will say why I lost everything, you literally lost everything. You know,

Nicky Alan 35:32
absolutely everything. You know, I’ve always been Sorry, I’ve always been a survivor. And so if I had had my health, I would have just dusted myself down and carried on fighting, but also to have your health taken as well. Yeah, I literally had no strength in any direction at all. And so I chose that isolation. And some of my friends, like, some people have asked us on Goodreads and things like, Well, you know, where your friends were. And it’s like, a bit, I didn’t, most of them didn’t even know half of what I was going through. Because, you know, when you have like, a really bad flu day, and you feel rotten, you know, you’re just gonna, you know, upset people, because you’re moaning, you just want to get your head down and just sleep it out. And that’s what I did. That’s what I wanted to do. For five years, obviously, the angel round and spirit world had a different idea. But that’s what I wanted to do. And I just, the thing is, as well, it was exhausting. Having to talk to people if I if I explained it. And this is another thing I want to say to chronic illness sufferers as well as he said, I used to be such a people pleaser before. And so I would sit and enjoy people talking and I’m thinking, My God, this is gonna I’m gonna be in bed for a day because of this. And so you know, even now, so I’ve stayed in bed all day, so that I can make sure that I’ve got the energy to do this interview, and then I’ll go back to bed after this. So people see this bit. But you know, at the moment, my ribs are hurting, my knees are killing me. My eyes are really tired, and I can’t feel my hands very well, because they feel a bit numb. But you don’t tell people that it’s an invisible illness? You don’t go on about that, you know, you just deal with it. That makes sense, right? And so to chronically suffers, Own your truth, tell people No, I can’t you know, the best friend or the best family member is someone that will sit in the other room, and just pop in and see if you need anything now and then not to talk or say, oh, that Oh, darling, if I had $1 for every person that said to me, oh, you know, if you stay awake, you sleep all night. And, you know, if you just rest up and go do some exercise that will get you going, you’re on this on this same rubbish, I would be in a mansion being fed grapes by naked waiters.

Brian Smith 37:43
It’s you know, when you say this, it reminds me when people are going through grief, it just takes everything we have out of us. And so if we’re a people pleasing kind of person being around other people, just drains us. So sometimes people just, they need to be by themselves, and to process we’re going through and that and that’s okay. And it’s okay to learn to learn to say no to people. I don’t I don’t want to do that right now. I can’t do that right now. That’s not that’s not good. For me. I think one of the lessons that you learned with the condition that you still deal with?

Nicky Alan 38:16
Absolutely right. This is why it isn’t just about chronic illness, you see is about people that are grieving or in bereavement. And this is my second book is actually completely on this subject, which I can’t wait to get out there, which is you won’t leave me and it’s a spiritual, as well as a human aspect on how to cope with grief and bereavement, how to then seek spiritual help, and then how to manifest a spiritual relationship with your loved one. And at the end of it, it actually describes true stories of people that were totally skeptic. And I’ve reconnected with the loved ones from the spirit world from what they’ve done. It’s a beautiful book. And that was the next stage from this one. You know, this was me saying who I am now and how to cope with grief and loss. So it’s not just about the illness. It’s about the fact of how to approach the biggest losses of your life, whether it’s a loved one, whether it’s a material thing, whatever it is. So I you know, I feel like I remember having a reading with someone, I never planned it for someone who visited locally, and they said, Oh, we’ve got free slot to want to go in there. And the media actually said to me, your first because I actually did, I did have a fantastic dream, I get these dreams. And then I write the book out. And I had this amazing story here for because I thought that was going to be my first book. And this medium said to me, you know, your first book is going to be your diary. Don’t know. I said, you’re going to be a pioneer. And you’re going to make it so real more that people will pay attention and realize that anybody can heal from any darkness. I don’t put that book out. I want to do my lucky fiction story I dream about Yeah, yeah. And they were right. You know, and it was and I just knew I had to get this one out first. And then, as soon as I’ve finished that one, and then thought, Well, the next natural step is, is to show how to cope with grief. So I obviously knew about the grieving model, I knew about how to cope with grief because officers bereavement training is a detective. But then I also started to get taught by Angel rounds in the spirit world. Things like what crystals help, but mindfulness exercises help. Well, Angel helps you, you know, and I started to, and they start to introduce angels I’ve never heard of. And so this is Charlie. Well, I’ve never heard of that. Yeah. The big ones like Michael and Gabriel, right. Okay, and in the room to go pink and they go, this is Tony. Oh, she’s going to help you. I want right and then I’ll be on that Google. Charlie. Well, is the Archangel of self love helps you through grief and helps you to manifest and enough Oh, my Oh, my goodness. So then they taught me to start. I you know, identifying what Angel and then identifying how they would help me in my grieving because it wasn’t just as you say, I was grieving the loss of every single part of my life. Yeah. And it was, this is my life.

Brian Smith 41:08
Yeah. Well, your family. Yeah. Thanks to you know, your family. And, and your your romantic relationships and your money and two homes. And your health. I mean, so that’s pretty much. That’s true. Yeah, your career, yeah, stripped down to two, to nothing. And that just so the, again, reading your story, I just see the human spirit, the endurance of the human spirit that the resilience that just hanging on to and then there’s chronic illness that a lot of people dismiss, and don’t understand and say, well, you’re you’re faking it, or you’re it’s all psychosomatic. So you don’t get a lot of sympathy that people get if they have, you know, other types of conditions.

Nicky Alan 41:53
Oh, it’s the most disgusting. Oh, what’s the best way to say it without me getting really angry? We are so badly disregarded, because it’s not a well known name. No, Ms. And this is no disrespect to them as suffers. But for instance, over here, I think it’s 46,000 sufferers in the UK, they mess with CFS and Fibromyalgia is 260,000. But we’re just basically told this is your diagnosis, because I can’t find anything else wrong with you. Off you go. Yeah. And the suicide rate obviously gone up because of it. And I get so many hundreds of people a week writing to me saying, I’ve got nothing to live for. Have you done it? Right? No, because the problem is there’s no facilities for us. There’s no center we can go to I remember going to I remember going to ask for physio therapy, because I just my whole body was seizing up. And they basically I managed to get to the first appointment. And I said, Look, can I not go into the hydrotherapy pool? I feel that really helped. Because I’m just in so much agonizing pain. It’s not just joints, its skin. Its hair follicles. Its muscles, tendons, nerves. Got a whole

Unknown Speaker 43:03

Nicky Alan 43:04
And because I know that’s just for people that you know, that are recovering from an accident. I went well. It really helped me. No, no, no, not gonna have that. So then he told me he sent me home and told me to do tychy I couldn’t even lift my hand up to eat something. Yeah. So and then, because I was so exhausted. There’s so much pain. I couldn’t make the next two appointments. So it just struck me off to sit up because you haven’t bothered to turn up. So Whoa, hang on a minute. It’s not I haven’t bothered. He said, I haven’t got any carers. I’ve got nowhere to drive me. Yeah. And I physically can’t get to the appointment. And what is the point when you’re telling me to do things I can’t even do. And so I got struck off of their I got struck off of the me service that they do, because they turn up the pilots to sit and moan about my condition and go home. And so that was it. I was left with nothing. Yeah. And you know, if it wasn’t for my man, who came and visited me from the spirit world one evening and said, don’t want that Facebook thing. I’m thinking, What? You’ve come all the way from heaven, and you’re telling me to go work? And I thought, well, I might as well do it was about 3am in the morning, and I opened up Facebook and there was this lady crying. And I’m thinking what she cried for me it was with happiness. And she had been in bed for 10 years and taking this drug. And then within a week she was down a part plan the children and she couldn’t believe how well this drug works. Now in any I’m afraid. I’m a skeptic. I’m an open minded skeptic. So again, I don’t think everything’s fluffy and spiritual, because the detective in me says finding evidence. They must have value up there, darling. So right now I’m having that you gotta prove it. So because I’ve been woken up and my Nana told me to go on there. I thought I’m going to find these people up because I’m one of these people as well. But don’t sit there and go oh worries me. I will try and get as well as I can. And so I find these people up and it was and funny enough. It’s all comes from Glasgow in Scotland. And it was a drug. It’s a drug called low dose naltrexone. And I started taking that within a week, I was up on the phone telling my mom, I will come and drive and see her she couldn’t believe it. Yeah. And so that drug is the one that enables me now to sit here and talk to you understand, you see, my throat is a bit weak. So I’m a bit tired at the moment. But apart from that, that’s the drug that got me up and running. But guess what, they won’t prescribe it here. So you have to buy it privately. And I know that obviously, you do all have private medical schemes over there. But one of our things is the NHS. And I said to them, why can’t I get this through the GP? Why can’t I get it through my surgery, my doctor surgery. And you know why? It’s because it’s a nonprofit drug, and because the man that created the drug, and he was the one that created the HIV drug, that people could then take HIV and live a normal life, he just thought that a smaller dose would help people with MS. PERS hashimotos. Me, and so it does. And, and but he refused to send it on to pharmaceutical companies. So it didn’t go through the FDA. So it’s now known as a Red Label drug. And yet, I know it works. I know 100% it works and to have I have three years of insomnia and to have my first night’s sleep on that drug, I can’t tell you, because the funny thing is, as you know, my first place only due to the generosity of a friend was in a cemetery I lived in. Yes. And I used to know, but I still laugh now because I had this big white fleece throw with this hood. And because I didn’t sleep for three years, that doesn’t help me mental health. I don’t. Oh, my goodness. And I remember one night, I think I’m sure I did put it in the book. I remember one night because I was wide awake, I thought, you know, at least I can walk I feel I can walk a few steps. And so I had a hurricane them and I was walking through the cemetery. And then I’ve heard this car, smash up of the road and go through the hedges and get back down the road. I think they saw they saw a ghost walk.

Brian Smith 47:13
Yeah, I can only imagine.

Nicky Alan 47:18
That was me trialing out walking with this new drug. It was me trying out this walking. So there wasn’t a ghost in the cemetery there. Yeah. But um, and so I think he can actually walk and then I got further and further. And then that’s when they then taught me how to pace how to respect myself. And again, it all boils down down into self love. self love is the key to everything. I deserve to rest. I deserve to say no to people, I deserve to be the best I can be. I deserve to have the best people in my life. And once you start giving that energy out, you attract it back in I’ve got the most beautiful supportive loving friends around me now I’ve ever had. Because in the old, the old me the TV Nicky Allen, you have all these people connect to you. And you’re just you know, bathing their adoration because you hate yourself so much. They can do it for you. They can get in the gas. Yeah, but now I have these most beautiful, earthly people around me. I’ve met the most wonderful man who’s loving my life and he’s my soul mate. I know that. It’s all just and How could you do that? Again, I remember being you know, celibate for six years, I just didn’t go near men at all. I just knew that I had to keep away from them. And I finally learned that lesson out of self love again. And when they said, you know, you’re going to be meeting some No, No, I’m not. No, I’m not at all. And it was very difficult circumstances, how I met them everything. But again, they were telling me I was going to have it and I deserved it. And I deserve someone to account for me because I used to be who’s gonna want somebody in my old self, who’s gonna want someone that has chronic fatigue and is always in pain, who’s gonna want that person. But he’s seen me walks along. Because I love myself enough now. I can he can come in, I haven’t brushed my hair and a shower. And I don’t care because it’s not I don’t care. But it’s me. Yes, a transparency that I feel attract are the transparent people. And that’s what I want to bring across to everybody. I want to show people that so many people say how do you do it? How do you do it? It’s not about how you do it. It’s how you feel doing it. Do you deserve to do it? You can’t just you know, it’s like the prison living costs. For instance, you can’t just go through the motions. So look down that box of tick that box you’ve got feel it and know it and accept yourself. Love yourself because as soon as you start creating that self adoration helped by champion well at the time, Archangel Tony Well, I’m like, wow, I’m attracting this abundance. And so much like for instance, I have no credit. I have no credit at all, like because obviously my ex stole hundreds, not hundreds 10s of thousands from me. My bailiffs knocking on the door and God knows why And I remember I thought I thought because I could drive again. I couldn’t use a manual car. It was just too much. It’s too much on my limbs. And I thought I need an automatic car and I said, Do you think I’d be able to get an automatic car please guys, I talked to Mike now I don’t go down a lot. Okay, and on whiteboards All right, guys. So this is the problem I need a new car and I’ve got no credit. And then I felt this overwhelming knowledge you will get it and I’m like, this is impossible because I you know, I’m still Blackboard. You know, I think it takes about five or six years just need to get over here. It doesn’t even want to get your credit back. And so I thought, What will I deserve this? I need it. I need an automatic car. So all I have to do is just press one pedal and steal. I really do need this. And I put in I just found this quite came up. Wow. It’s exactly the same as my other car. All I needed was just an upgrade. My the car was leaking and goodness knows what else. Yeah. And I thought that’s the one I’d like please. And then I just went by it now and it just went yet the credits been approved. Yeah, and within a week the cars on my drive.

Brian Smith 51:14
Yeah. Yeah, it’s really interesting how it seems like well, you were told you’re gonna go through this period. And I think the Turkish medium is just it’s almost kind of funny because we got to mediums you got a fortune tellers always tell us good stuff. He’s like, yeah, you’re gonna get over this, you’re gonna get it. And that person is like, Yeah, no, this is gonna suck for a long time. But, you know, you go through this, this arc, but it’s all Well, I don’t know what put words in your mouth. So how do you feel about the idea of soul planning? Do you think this was this was planned for your benefit? Okay,

Nicky Alan 51:47
the reason why, and, again, proven to me, very quickly, I’ll tell you about my guy because it will will bear relevance to the soul planning. As I said to you a while ago, I am an open minded skeptic. So unless they prove it to me, I will not share it with anybody. So whatever talk about my YouTube channel, or you know, if I can get out to physical shows, it’s what I know is 100% backed up with some material evidence. Okay. So when my guide came in, introduced himself to software got retired from the police service Juliana’s, he said, Oh, this is how we met. This is how we met online, whatever. There’s no I mean, it’s, it’s a pleasure, not an Indian. basically takes me to this cave, right? freezing cold, it’s cold, I can smell the sulfur in the air and hear these drops of water. And then this cave rock opens come out. And it’s

Unknown Speaker 52:37
lovely and

Nicky Alan 52:38
warm. And there’s all these cypress trees, and I and Juliana stone is saying, this is where we live together, Mary, I’m not okay then. And it says, you know, he’s a monk. I’m thinking because I know because Lastly, I get everybody to meet me. I’m not gonna lie. So he said, I said, Where are we? Then he goes, it’s 1452. Interesting, very wrong. And I went right, I can remember that. Thank you remember that nickname? Seems like kind of like a half dream half meditation. I didn’t even intend to do this. I didn’t think what I’m going to speak to my guide. He just taught it up. And so I said, What, okay, and he goes, come with me. He says, This is the church, you are welcomed into the house of Mary mcmap. Mary Magdalena in 1452. And it was called sense of seniors. And it was this huge pillars and his beautiful Italian square, it was lovely. As you walk through the columns, there was this fountain and they’ll start 20. So that’s where I want my prophecies on that artwork. Okay. And so it takes me through and then he says, Come, come, Nicholas. And then this beautiful man comes, kisses me on the forehead. And he said, I look after you marry in this house. I am Nicolas. And then I saw a big v. Nicholas a fifth. And I thought what perhaps is a postmodern eye. And so then they said, Can we must make case Eva marries upon us? And they looked up to the sky. And then I came around, I must have been out for about two hours. Wow, Google, some kind of finding bits and pieces. But no, she’s so real. And you know what I did? I bought a ticket and went to Rome.

Brian Smith 54:11

Nicky Alan 54:12
I got in a cab. And I said, Take me to sit Cecilia’s church now plays in trust to Barry went see and I went oh, my God, because existence is driving me My heart is going bonkers. We get there and I stopped crying. He’s gonna you’re Okay madam. Are you okay? And I’m not Oh my god. I’m in the square. There’s the columns of census Celia’s church. And I can see the founding through the columns on my home. My goodness, I can’t believe this. I walk in and there’s a bust of Juliana’s and there’s a San Franciscan monk and they had to do six months sabbatical in a cave to find themselves before they then went into the monastery. I found out That the place where the non state is a house of Mary madeleina and that they were welcomed into that church into the monastery in 1452. I couldn’t believe it. So then after crime is out there, I then went to the Vatican. And I thought I need to go and find Pope because of faith that will absolutely seeing it now because I found Juliana’s and so I went up to this guide, and I don’t if you’ve ever been to the Vatican, there’s 10s of thousands of people everywhere. And I said, Where’s Pope Nicholas? descript? No, madam. No, it’s not me. I went. And I started getting really impatient. I’m not a real person. I was getting really impatient. And he goes, No, he’s not here. I said, Yes, he is. And then I just walk across these thousands of crowds to this tiny little doorway. I know exactly where I’m going. I walk down the steps. Second crypt on the right, I am over this crypt, crying my eyes out hugging it, to the extent where some nuns come up to me and say, Oh, you’re right. And I sat me down. I was hysterical. And then when I got myself all sorted, when are the kryptos Pope, Pope Nicholas the fifth. And he presided over the Diocese of trust, a very important 52.

Brian Smith 56:06

Nicky Alan 56:07
I’m like, wow. So when I come back up, this guy finds me how he found me. And he goes, you’re very special lady. I found from non superintendent, the Holy Spirit was here, he ended up giving me three files of holy water from the Pope’s form. And I healed my dog’s tumor with that, that’s just another side. So I’m like, wow, this, this like previous life thing really works then. So then they started introducing me to my other guides and my previous lives, and I went and found them where I was, one of them’s Arizona, still got to do that one, Arizona. And so then I started getting into soul journeys. And I was very lucky that I’ve been given access to education records, so I can look at the book of souls and that kind of thing. And during my learning, they showed me what happens very long answer sorry, darling, but great the basis of it. So they took me to the halls of learning, which is a layer in the Crystal Palace, which is heaven. Basically, I explained it on my YouTube channel. And in the voice of learning, this is how layman’s terms it happens. And this is all described in my second book, what happens is, is we have a soul cluster, okay of people. So wait, no matter what we do, wherever we go, those people stick with us through every incarnation, we’re all attracted to each other, we stick together. So for instance, when you come down, you know, your daughter could be your dad, your mom could be your brother in the next life, but we all stick together. What happens is we decided to come down normally three generations, they tell me is the gap when we feel like we want to come down. And I said, Why do we come down and they sit because you get so bored with the utopia of where you are? I don’t know. I’m gonna I’m gonna be bored.

Brian Smith 57:48
I’ve never done this.

Unknown Speaker 57:50

Nicky Alan 57:51
So basically, right. Okay. This is what happens is layman’s terms, like give it to me in layman’s terms, it’s not worth doing at all. So you’re going with your soul cluster and your soul guides? And they say, right, what do you want to learn this time around? So obviously, I don’t know what I was thinking. I said, I would like to learn complete loss, please, so that I can then show people how to get back because obviously, my job’s always been a spiritual advisor, even from 1452 I wasn’t none. So there’s been some spiritual thing going on the whole time. Okay, then. So you want to lose everything to yesterday? Am I also and you know, what’s it called? trying to think of the book in a minute, the prophecies sourcing, setting prophecies, thank you, darling. Again, bepro for getting silicene prophecies, it’s a bit like that. So I got and then when I break down, you come and help me that will help you. And then if you come in at that time, and so you’re planning with your soul cluster, how to get out of that situation or what you were injured. So for instance, some some it’s like, for instance, I’ve had babies come to me and say, I didn’t want to do another lifetime but all my subclass to date so I thought I’d go up and I’ll be their guide to doing it. You know, so this is why we lose babies and why we lose young children when we lose people that we think what the hell and sometimes it’s even down to karmic connections with a previous life why they choose to go back early. I don’t know. But we asked for all of our i can i can imagine now Exactly. That’s my day. What I can pick out what I asked for this. I don’t think so. Yeah, eight, because when you go back up, it’s only because I’m more aware of it. And most people aren’t that this is a speck of salt and ocean of soul infinity. Yeah, this little life is so insignificant compared to what we enjoy with our soul cluster and 100% that we go up and we connect with the people that we love and miss here are all my family’s gone apart. From one arm to one uncle of some brother or sister, it will open up to spirit world, those who want to go early. So I talk to them and they go, yeah, yeah, yeah, I’m really glad you’re having a lovely time whenever you can help me. I can’t, you know, I have these conversations. I keep it real with them and talk to them. Sufis still alive. Yeah. Right. But they say, well, you chose it. We’re just gonna wait for you to come back up now.

Brian Smith 1:00:21
Okay, so I’ve got two things I have to say. So one is, I talked about contrast souls. So do you think dick is a contrast old soul that he did? Did you plan for him to be in your life? Okay.

Nicky Alan 1:00:32
Yes. And I thank him for doing it. Because if he had done that, I would not be sitting here now talking to you.

Brian Smith 1:00:38
That’s that’s a that’s a tough concept. That’s that’s a deep concept for people to grasp, right? Because this guy, and when people read the book, and I encourage everybody read the books, fantastic. You look at this guy, and you want to hate him. You want to hate on this guy? Oh, no. Yeah,

Nicky Alan 1:00:54
I know, how mad is that? Because I hated him with vengeance at the time. Yeah, hated him. But because of everything I’ve learned and been shown, I now thank him for his. And you know, what the chapter he is to my ex. They all taught me things that now I know, showed me what bad spikes, so is it and how much lack of self love I had for myself. And so him doing that I thank him. Totally.

Unknown Speaker 1:01:19
Thank you

Nicky Alan 1:01:19
totally. Because if he hadn’t done that, and I’ve done that I’ve looked at what would happen if you didn’t have an accident, I would be still working my butt off to get money in paying for everything or being completely disregarded and completely taken for granted not locked properly. And I’ll be in a space of just enduring my life without awakening myself. Being this you know, Nicky Allen person, and don’t get me wrong. I don’t want people to think that you know, all the shows I did everything I did. Was it me being fake? Absolutely. Not very spiritual side was 100%. I’ve always wanted to help people since I was a child. The differences though, I wasn’t working it myself. Yeah. So now turn, it’s making me go goosey. quite emotional, sorry. But now turning it on myself. gives me the purity to give it out to other people, and try and bring peace to their lives. Because really, I can’t I am not by any means taking away the fact that we go through hell when we lose people, when we experience any type of loss is absolutely life. Oh my god, it’s so big. And that’s why I’m so passionate and wanting to bridge that and bring the awareness to the spirit world. People, yes, we never can physically get them back. But if we have some spiritual hope, belief system, they’re still with us and not live for that. But no, they’re still there. And that will be reunited. My job’s done. If I get one person, I’m standing on that my job’s done. And so for me to be able to give that out now and say, you know, they go, how do you know that? How do I know that? This is my story. This is what I was shown. And I’m telling you, you’re not alone. And I’m telling you take it or leave it people could possibly think, Oh, this is all a bunch of lies. And it’s all a lovely story. Why am I going to be writing these entries in when I could hardly hold a pen? And no, sometimes I’d be literally I woke up. There’s a photo that I’ve put out where I want to cover my I refused to open a couple of days. And it was terrific. And so I’m trying to write with one eye because I know that there was something that I was going to have to be doing in the future to help people and it was me almost going through the sufferance, to then say, I’ve been there and this is how I can help you to get out of it. Yeah, so so contract. Thank you very much dick for you coming in. And

Brian Smith 1:03:42
the other thing I asked you, you know, you mentioned early people that they come in and leave early my daughter passed at 15. And

Unknown Speaker 1:03:50
the backgrounds Yes,

Brian Smith 1:03:50
my daughter. Yeah.

Nicky Alan 1:03:53
You know what I did what I expressly did not want to know about your personal life and in case anything came up. But I have obviously watched a lot of your interviews with people. And so she is a shining beacon of light around you. But I tell you what, with her she’s got this naughty little mixie energy, so she will move things or hype things. Because she loves you guys. Oh man, I’m not there. Right. She’s like, she’s got this bright vibrant energy of being mixing Okay, and I knew that was her I didn’t want to start getting into the NIC yellow medium show all the rest of it, but I don’t know anything about you, but I know that your loss from seeing her not it’s obvious that she’s in the background. But she has got this mixie wanting to make you laugh energy. So she doesn’t come through as I’m Okay daddy. She’s like, right Daddy, what can I do next make you laugh or really wind you up? That’s your energy. Okay. And she I tell you what else she does, and I don’t have ever been told this before. But she again is such an old soul. You’re an old soul. You’re an animal. Soul contract. You’re an old soul cluster. And so with your daughter I don’t like keep seeing Bambi keep seeing Bambi but Disney Bambi unless about Anyway, she is, um, Disney stuff kicks in Disney stuff. But she is someone that also I believe it because I keep going looking at her as I’m looking at you, right? And she is also someone that helps young people when they go over there she isn’t. She’s the most selfless girl you know. And there will be no teenagers are teenagers at the end of the day, but she was selfless and she was an old she is an old soul. Yeah, very wise in her years, and very Chat Chat back. You could never win an argument with her absolutely win an argument with her. Like, well, why? Because No, I just said no, I actually want you to explain that. Oh, my goodness. She’s totally Gottman. No, yeah, and such a way of life. And don’t ever think that she grieves her life. Or she’s worried that she went back early because she is so strongly manifesting in your life. So many ways. I don’t think a day doesn’t go by when you see some sort of synchronicity that connects you to her

Brian Smith 1:06:09
every day. Yeah, pretty much every day. Yeah, pretty pretty, pretty much every day. And the thing is, I always blame her for the slide because I could just see Shana planning this whole thing out. And and she we wouldn’t know it till after she passed. But you know, it felt we got signs that she was going to be here for a long time. It’s just what she she lived her life. So you were talking about so planning, I’m like, I blame her. I blame her for this and for leaving me here. So I totally

Nicky Alan 1:06:35
get that. But that’s your human emotion connection there isn’t it and that’s never going to most probably lead to, you know, there’s no magic in what we’re doing here. You know, I’m in the best place I’ve ever been. But you have someone close to me died or passed away. Of course, my emotional part of my ecosystem. It’s gonna be incomplete. You know, tragic hell. But that’s why I made sure that I mentioned the passing of my mom. It wasn’t the fundamental message of the reunion with the families. Also the fact that we view death even though it’s devastating and it’s full. straightaway, we were already wonder where she is like someone flying away on holiday on vacation, or when is it landed yet? I wonder if they’re having fun. And then start getting the synchronicities, start getting signs. And it’s never done in is it? It’s never going to replace holding your dog with your arms again. Never. Yeah. However, if there is just something special that happens that you think she’s done that, then I’m telling you that is surely got to be better than being a skeptic or bereft in your grave, and thinking they’ve gone forever. Yeah, you know, I personally, I personally want to go well, don’t don’t believe it. I know 100% that they are here and they do the most amazing things. And she is an absolute beacon of light. And I can imagine that you do blame her for that.

Brian Smith 1:07:57
And I say they say that jokingly. I know. Yeah. Yeah, I know. Like, you know, so you’re out of here. You’re having fun, and I got to stay here. Where I located? It’s like I still have to work. I want to ask you one another question about the book. You mentioned lots of pulling cards apparently had it like a tarot card deck or an angel deck that you use. So obviously, you you believe in that strongly.

Nicky Alan 1:08:26
I didn’t. I didn’t I just saw cards for cards to be honest with you, my family, but these are the ones Okay, sighs

Unknown Speaker 1:08:34

Nicky Alan 1:08:35
And basically, and I used to, I used to muck around with cards and tarot cards as a child, because they’re always on the table in our house in our house at my Nan’s and my Auntie’s house, which is a really good tarot reader. And I just saw cards with cards. And I even in my early days, because I was so strong on the medium link, I used to tell people to throw their cards away, because I wanted them to work with their intuition and what they’re blending and channeling abilities. And it wasn’t until I lost that connection, because I was in such deep grief. And I’d lost that connection. And the only thing again, that would give me hope, was looking at the cards. It was just one thing that time try and give me some sort of thing to aspire to. Because obviously my dad said it be okay. And so what happened was I got these cards, and I started putting them out asking the question every single time they answered me, so I found that they were inspiring me to pick certain cards or cards or just fly out and land. And they answered every single thing. And you know, as you as you know, from the book, I basically moved on on the turn of three cards. Shall I move house? Am I ready to go now? Am I ready to be back in the world? And then it was you know, I think it’s Archangel Michael, again. What you know, when you read the synchronicities of Michael, how the family my house, Making the district So Michael now. Yeah. And it’s like, you know, Archangel Michael time for new change to grace changes new home this Reno phase of your life is over move on. And that was it. I phoned up the state agent straight after and so realty agent and said, right, I’m moving on in somewhere else. And that was on most cars because they’ve never and they still they still don’t ever change. They’re always completely well ever I ask, they answer. And it’s incredible. And I found a power in them definitely. So I think it’s because that higher power inspires us when to stop and look at a car or they will come and literally flick them out and say test one you need to look at. So they know know that I’ve got this massive and massive love for them. So when I’ve started doing card readings on YouTube, a lot of my old students like, hey, hang on a minute, you said don’t use the cards, right? But I love them now because they helped me to get a really good script on where I need to go to help people and advice. And so many people, I don’t know how it works. I’m doing readings on YouTube, and people go oh my god, you just it’s like a personal reading. So I don’t know if it’s people are inspired by coming because they know that those cards can make sense for them. I don’t know what the magic is surrounding them. But there is some power in these cards. Without a doubt. They just literally are never wrong. In all the years I’ve used them. So my dream is to have my own cards, my own deck. Oh, yeah.

Brian Smith 1:11:36
I’m sure that will happen. So um, what did what would you like people to know about the book about about your life? But if you could say one thing to people that are listening right now, what would that one thing be?

Unknown Speaker 1:11:48
Wow. Or in a sentence,

Brian Smith 1:11:52
take as long as you like,

Nicky Alan 1:11:54
I just think as I’ve already kind of skirted over this book is for people, anybody that’s experienced some sort of loss, grief or bereavement. It’s a message of knowing you’re not alone, and a message that you’re stronger than you think. And by surrendering yourself to a universal higher power, you will make it and you will thrive rather than just survive. Guaranteed. As you know, the proof is in the pudding This house is paid for, how did that happen? And literally everything I needed for my disabilities, you know, because I say now I’m okay. There’s no three, sometimes I can be in bed for three weeks, which is great. It’s changing the aspect of your life, changing how you view your situation. So beforehand,

Unknown Speaker 1:12:43
oh god, I’m

Nicky Alan 1:12:44
in bed for three weeks, I could be scuba diving, I could be I could be I could be well, you’re not. So what you’re going to do with that time, I’m going to write a book, I’m going to go on YouTube, I’m going to box it binge it and watch Game of Thrones. I know that I’m happy sitting here. This is great. So you choosing the desert or the Oasis, and again, self love and rectifying all of these self belief systems you have about yourself that there’s so much in the book, there’s so many aspects of spiritual and personal development in there, which I really hope people get and they will take on board.

Brian Smith 1:13:18
I I love what you said there. And you actually answered the question that I was thinking about the whole time. I didn’t ask. Yeah, because I was gonna say, because I finished the book. And I’m like, I get on here with you there and you’re so bright and bubbly. And still the energy comes across. And I’m like, okay, it should end with the miracle healing. She should be totally healed. And it’s going to end with you know, she finds a cure, and she lives happily ever after. Yeah, but I love what you just said, that’s not that’s not the path for you. So, but you’re embracing where you are you still you’re not like this all the time. You could still be in bed for three weeks. But you’re you embrace that. So that was a perfect.

Nicky Alan 1:13:58
No, absolutely. Because, you know, I you know, there’s nothing more than I adore than being on stage and being face to face with people obviously COVID put paid to that anyway. Yeah. However, I used to love touring, and is to go love going to different cultures and going over to different countries. I did a lot of work in Europe and Germany, Spain, and east to adore that time. And again, it’s like, what do you do sit there thinking I can’t do it anymore? And I think No, I can’t do it. And that’s good. And so what I do is I adopt the Oasis version on the desert version of how you want to live. So I have got the most humbling privilege of sitting and talking to a beautiful soul like Yo, who gives out so much strength and hype after you losing that beautiful girl. Right? And you’re here doing your thing. And the more interviews I’m doing, the more I’m connecting with people that are so amazing in their own space. And so for me, my whole projection of thought process will be how lucky am I to be here sitting to goose bumping again. How lucky am I that people prepared to watch me sit in my bed and talk about my esoteric knowledge of the world of the spirit world of the angels? How lucky am I that I’ve got such good friends? And so that’s why do the gratitude. This is what the you know, the prison livings course about, it’s doing the gratitude in the beginning of the day, before I even get out of bed before I even, you know, have to gauge my body to see what’s wrong with me on a given day is gratitude. Always three no means about 30. But I sit and I think what am i grateful for? And it could be the most simplest things. So to me, this accident was the biggest blessing of my life. Because I now sit you know, I remember in the summertime, I would sit and listen to birdsong. And it would make me cry, I was so lucky that I could be sitting in my own garden hearing Birdsong, or, you know, a butterfly would float by and land on my hands, you know, and not done. If you can see, I’ve got my big my beautiful friend bought this for me, because I have a beat total now. I’m everywhere I go. Yeah. And, and I think, well, I’m special. I’m looked after I’m not I’m not alone. How amazing is that? And then I think I’ve now got the ability to show the people they’re not alone. How lucky am I? And so that’s how do I leave? And you know, and lots of people did say, Oh, we thought it’d be happier rafter you’ll be well, Sonos isn’t a cure story. This is not that used to so get on my nerves, because people used to send me books or read this. And if I could read is, oh, I’ve got the cure for it. No, you haven’t. Yeah, stop selling all this crap. And be real about it be real is rubbish. It is soul destroying, it’s still your life and nobody cares. So you’ve now got to get up and take hold of it take control and say, right, what can I do to help myself. So I get I’ve got all sorts of mixes holistic therapies, essential oils, and for the first time in my life, I love myself and treat myself all day long, to what is best for me. And that is a beautiful gift to have. And that’s what I want to share with everybody because I would so much, you know, I don’t care for this again, because I am so happy and fulfilled and whole inside. I got a guy stuff where we take it to the spirit world with me. It’s stuff, you know, and this is what people got alone. It’s like so many people write to me and say, Oh, you know, I’m with my husband. I don’t really love him. But you know, we we’ve got a lovely house. We’ve got Who cares? You’re not taking it with you. You’re not taking it with you. And so, you know, I’ll be happy in a shack. Yeah, sometimes I’ve got myself love and the people I love around I care about any material aspects at all. I really don’t care. And so people just say, Yeah, but you know, you’ve lost it. Yeah, exactly. And I’m happier than I’ve ever been in my life. And I’ve had literally I did have a lot of money coming in at the time. It wasn’t really, you know, fussed about, but I had it and I bought some outrageous things went to Florida for three weeks over Christmas and New Year. Your cells are amazing over there. Yeah, I bought two suitcases of designer stuff. And, you know, I’ve been there and done it, and I wasn’t happy. Yeah. I’ve stood in a concert suite in sandals, you know, in Turks and Caicos with a butler and have some combat looking over the ocean. And I’m like, I’ve never been so miserable. And all my life. Yeah. Material does not feed you. You feed yourself and then watch the universe show you what you deserve.

Brian Smith 1:18:26
Yeah, awesome. Nikki, I am so glad that you reached out to me. I really enjoyed meeting you. I love the book. So I want to tell everybody again, it’s me and myself and I it’s by Nikki Allen. Her last name is a la en. You can reach Nikki at Nikki She has a YouTube channel which is the bedroom guru which I’m going to go subscribe to right away. She’s got a seven week spiritual living course called prison living. I still get that through your website.

Nicky Alan 1:18:54
Yes, that’s right. Yeah, you can get it through the website.

Brian Smith 1:18:57
Yeah, I it’s been really I can say I love the book. It’s been great meeting you. I appreciate you. You putting our energy out. So you can go No, go rest now.

Unknown Speaker 1:19:10
And I’ll probably feet up.

Brian Smith 1:19:11
Yeah. So by the time this by the time this comes out, then the book should be available everywhere.

Unknown Speaker 1:19:17
Yes, it will be.

Brian Smith 1:19:18
Yeah, yeah. That’s awesome. So

Nicky Alan 1:19:20
yeah, something new as well. So Amazon, it’s on Amazon Barnes and Noble john Hancock. She’s pretty much everywhere. Yeah, I really hope people enjoy it. Please let me know how much you enjoyed it. All these people listening. And Brian. You’re just lovely. You’re not only handsome and gorgeous. But your lovely toes. Thank you so much for having me. Allow me to share my story. Thank you so

Brian Smith 1:19:40
much. Thanks for being here.

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