In Part 3 of our conversation, I ask Alba questions to fill in some of the details of her experience. We learn what the accident is that caused Aurelia’s passing. We learn more details about her dreams that predicted the event. And, we learn where Alba is today, after having had the experience.
Alba Monn is an author and a mother who had a fascinating experience with the birth of one of her children, Aurelia. Alba had a near-death experience that changed her life. It was, in actuality, a shared death experience, as you will learn when you hear her story. I’ve broken this very special episode into three parts. In parts 1 and 2, I get out of the way and let Alba tell her story as she recalls it. It might be a bit confusing in parts because the story doesn’t begin on the night her daughter was delivered in an emergency situation, it begins years earlier.
In part 3, I ask Alba to go into more detail and we discuss the lessons from her absolutely amazing experience. In her experience, Alba learned:
- Forgiveness is absolutely essential for our soul’s well-being
- Souls have no age
- Humans are all flawed equally and differently,
- A life can have profound meaning no matter how short the time here on Earth
- Something prepares us for the tough lessons we’re about to encounter if we pay attention
- Tragedy is less of a punishment and more of an opportunity
Her book tells the story about healing after the loss of her child, PROOF OF ETERNITY by Alba Monn. It is intended to give hope to everyone who has lost a loved one, especially their own child. It’s available on Amazon as an ebook.
Brian Smith 0:00
Close your eyes and imagine
This is part three of my interview with Alba Mon. And as you found out if you listen to parts one and two, and if you haven’t, I suggest you do. Alba had an incredible experience a shared death experience with her daughter or William, who taught her a lot about life in a very short amount of time. So in this part, what we tried to do is go back and fill in some of the things that you might have questions from on the first two parts and also to explain a little bit more about the dreams that Alba had. And I got to ask her some some more detailed questions as we got into this third part. So hope you enjoy.
Okay. Hey, everybody, this is Brian Smith back with another episode of grief to growth. And the day I’ve got a follow up interview with Alba mine. And I want you to go back and listen to the interview I did with her recently, where she talked about her joint near death experience or shared death experience with her daughter, Amelia, who died during childbirth. And it was a really amazing experience. Aba had some some precognitive dreams where she knew this was going to happen or had dreams that that kind of envisioned it beforehand and learned some really valuable lessons in her in her nd and her in the he was so detailed and so rich that we actually ran out of time. So I’m having her back today to tell me a little bit more about the premonition shed and fill in some of the gaps that so make sure you go back and listen to that. And I’ll put a link to it in the show notes. But with that, I want to welcome back again to grief to growth album on.
Alba Monn 2:21
Hello, everyone. Brian, thank you for having me. Yeah, I’m happy to talk about Yeah, yeah. Thanks for being back. And as I was saying in the intro, your your experience was so rich, we were so I was so in wrapped and so fast that listening to I didn’t get a chance to ask you many questions. But you want to fill in some gaps about some of the preeminent some of the pre cognitive dreams, you had some of the premonitions you had. And then I’m going to ask you some more questions just to fill in some of the gaps.
Yeah, well, I described three of my premonition dreams in my book, proof of eternity. But actually it started at around the age of 12 years, when I was swimming with a friend during summertime. And she and I were talking about what ideas we had for our future. And she mentioned that she would like to have children when she was old enough to have them. And she asked me what I thought about that if I wanted to have children later on. And I said yes, but definitely not, you know, a single child should, I would like to have two or three. And for some reason, I had this distinct feeling that one of my children would die at some point. And it was such a strange thought and such a weird feeling of being absolutely sure about that was going to happen in my life at some point in the future, that
at the age of 12, I just decided I must find a solution for this problem. And my first solution was, well, I would try to try to get around that. And I had this idea, well, I wouldn’t have any children. So I wouldn’t have to, you know, get in trouble with this whole topic. And I would just put it aside and live my life without any of those problems. And the second thought that I had was, well if I decided to have children, then I would definitely not have just one because with this strange feeling that one of my children would be dying while I was still alive. I didn’t want to run this risk of just having a horrible experience with just one child. So I decided that would be kind of a you know, emergency situation I would just met try to make sure it wouldn’t be that bad. But I thought I forgot about it. Pretty soon. I didn’t think about it that much. And it was just a very strange, you know, feeling and I actually wasn’t a interested in that at all? When I was 17, I did a lot of paintings and one of the paintings, I decided I want to make a painting about my life like about my future life. And I didn’t plan anything about it, I just put some colors together and out of nothing. I painted different people standing at one side of this picture, and it was sure that they had distinct features. So I had this feeling that they were real people, but I had no idea who it was. And there were two of them at one side, and then there was a little gap. And then there were the ones on the other side. And I had no idea why there was a gap between them. But I found this painting after my daughter had died, and it was a real shock to me to find it, because I could see the personal features of all of my children that were alive. At that time, I saw that, you know, just, I could recognize all of my children on this picture. And I even saw that there was this little gap between my second and my fourth child where my third child should spend where we’re already or should stand, and there was no nothing. So there was a little place for her a space left, so that she wasn’t forgotten, but she wasn’t among my children that were alive. And this was really, yeah. It shattered me to see that, that I had had some foresight at the age of 17, without any idea what it actually meant. And I remember that one of my friends asked me who these people were that according this painting, and I said, I have no idea. And I think it’s, you know, nice people, I had this impression that it was holy people that were praying for me, that was my impression at the time, I had no idea why they would pray for me, or you know, what they would pray for. I just knew that they meant well for me, and that they were nice people. And I was glad to have them on this picture about my life. But I had no idea that this would be my children. So this was very remarkable at the age of 17. And at the beginning, at around 20, I had another premonition, but it was the flashback, I saw the the line of my life. And it looked a little bit like
DNA, it was twisted and turned, but it was kind of aligned that was in motion. And there were three red dots, big red dots on the three different spots on my line of life. And I realized that, you know, we’re rare I’ve had already a child born at the time. So my first child was one of those dots. And I saw two other dots in the future. And I realized that this meant that I would have three children. And I saw at what age they they would be born, which seems strange at the time, because there was no logic behind it. And I asked myself why I would, you know, have them born in this pattern, it seemed kind of strange. But it later on, I realized that this is exactly the years that they were born, I just saw them in, in the right place at the right age, in my life. And I knew that out of these three children, there was one son. And I had a son already at that time, I knew that one of them was a son, and one of them was a daughter, but I couldn’t tell anything about the third one. And I knew that two of them in the future when they were grown up, I knew in what direction they would, you know, go go to work and live later on. So I had this idea that one of them was in the west of where I’m living, and one of them was going to study a little bit of the east side of of where I was at, but about the third child, I couldn’t tell anything. And I was trying to grasp, where is this child? You know, where is it going to live at that time when the others are already out of our household and already grown up and studying somewhere else. And I couldn’t even tell if it was a boy or a girl. I I didn’t know anything about this third child. And I realized that this meant that this child is the one who is going to die and I had no idea which one of those three It would Yeah, you know, it would be. So it actually was a pretty stressful situation for me to be confronted with this kind of facts and not being able to, to put it in a timeframe or put it in an illogical mind mindset. If it was my first child, my second or my third, this, this was a little bit stressful for me at the time. But I didn’t think much about it anymore. I had a lot to do at that time, I was still studying. So there was a lot on my mind. And I didn’t really think about it for a long time, I’ve just forgot about it. And the year after that, or maybe the second year after that, about eight years before, really, I would be born and dead. I had this very strange dream that shook me to my core. I, I remember, I woke up in the morning, and I had this idea that this was such an outstanding dream of such importance that I have to make sure that I don’t forget any little detail about it. And so I went downstairs, and I wrote it down on a piece of paper, and actually was several pieces of paper because it was a long dream. But I realized that it had a meaning for the future for my life. But I couldn’t understand anything because I couldn’t relate it to my life at that point. But I knew it would be very important in the future. And I would want to get back to it. And this dream was when I found it already after or really had been born. When I founded it, this was the most revealing thing that ever happened to me except for my near death experience. Because looking back from that point in my future, I understood every little detail that was in the stream. It showed me the emergency operation. It showed me the grief, it showed me the recovery from the grief, the physical recovery from the grief, that emotional recovery from the grief, the philosophical recovery from the grief. And it told me, for instance, it was so specific, it was mind blowing. At the time, when I found it, I was
at the one hand, I was relieved because I realized that this meant that all of it was already planned in a way that was so specific, that it was appalling to me at the time when I found it. And there was two angels in it. One Angel was mentioned during my pregnancy. So before she already was born, there was already an angel touching my belly, it said, and the explanation was right in the next slide saying that this angel was trying to warn me and to console me both at the same time. And when I read that, it was so emotional, everything meant a connection to reality. And this was unbelievable to read it. And there was another angel at the end of the dream that healed me. And again, it was such a unbelievable, unbelievable thing to hear or read that there was at the beginning of the dream, a wound in my belly, like the CCRN section, it was the size of a fist. And it was just, you know, just in the middle of my belly, and you could see through me, so this meant that there was a big wound that, you know, would tear my whole life apart, actually, you know, it was such amazing details that are meant one part or the other of the little details that came to life in reality later on. And I just found a dream, among other stuff that I had put aside since my student years. So this, this was a dream that I was shocked at when I had it, but I didn’t think about it for years, nearly a decade until I found it again. And there were two other dreams that I had that were very specific about the pregnancy and the birth, and one of them was recurring. So it recurred every week and it showed me the way that my baby would be born that you know that she wasn’t able to live a long life but she was too weak to actually live on and that she had to be cared for by other people that she would be taken from me that I wouldn’t know the people who would take her and that I would get her back when she was not alive anymore. So that was actually also the truth. At the time when I had her for the first time, when I was embracing her for the first time, she was already dead for a week. And I had to, you know, wait until I was released from the hospital. And that’s when I saw her for the first time. And in my dream, it was it was a little package that had been sent to me, so that I would get her back because my, my deepest urge was to get back together with her and find her. And I got her to my name to my address, and she was already not alive anymore at that point, and everything was in the stream. But unfortunately, I didn’t understand it. And I was talking about it with other people with friends, but nobody could explain any of these details. You know, for instance, my child was very small at the time in the dream, whereas she was already like, in the fifth or sixth month, and she was a lot bigger than than she appeared in this dream. And nobody could give me any explanation of what this was supposed to mean, right. And then there was a very peaceful dream, that was the last dream that I had. It showed details of her funeral and very beautiful details. One of the details was that my mom took all her flower buds in her garden and went to the grave at the date that the funeral was supposed to happen. And with too heavy baskets, she went to the cemetery all by herself, not telling anyone about it. Not even me and my husband and at the
at the moment when I was standing next to the grave, and I saw that her little coffin was laid down so that she would rest on the ground. And, and at that moment, when I saw all these flowers, and she was resting on a bed of flowers, I was really touched, because, of course, I remembered my dream and the sequence in my dream where she was actually really laying down on a bed of flowers. And it was unbelievable, to have this memory. And to know that I had never told my mom, I had never told my husband, because by that time, he was already fed up with anything that was a dream that I had. So I didn’t tell him about this dream. And I didn’t tell my family. It because I didn’t want to make anyone upset. And so it was really touching that. So many of those details actually happened in reality later on.
Brian Smith 17:56
Yeah, well, and for people that are listening, if you want more details about the three most recent dreams, Apple did mention those in our first interview. And it’s just it’s incredible to me, that this kept coming back to you over and over again, as you said, from the time you were like 12 years old. So I have two questions for you. The first is what do you think the purposes of these premonitions? And secondly, do you think that our lives are planned? Or would these just possibilities that you were seeing?
Alba Monn 18:29
No, I, I don’t think it was just possibilities. To me, actually, in hindsight, all these premonitions were a huge help to accept my fate, because it was a very difficult time for my whole family. And I felt blessed to have had all those premonitions that obviously seem to prepare me for that huge loss in the future. And I think it was just something that was given to me because obviously, I have a, an ability to intuitively look a little bit behind the veil, or, or to the other side, as it also happened in my near death experience. And I don’t know why that is. But to me, it was a huge help. And even though it was kind of not really easy to explain, when all these premonitions took place. Later on, I realized that they were given me to help me and to prepare me for what was going to happen in the future. And I don’t think it was only possibilities. I have. I’ve been thinking about how much was already, you know, unchangeable in the future out. I tried to figure out what my near death experience meant. Because in my own opinion, I think My child had free will, either to come back and give us some more time and try to heal this whole situation that was unbelievable. For both of us, my husband and me, nobody really understood what was going on why our child was taken to another clinic, what really happened to her or to me, my husband had heard that we were still in life danger, but I had no idea about it. And I think this was kind of a bonus time that my daughter was actually given out of her own decision out of her own free will. And I think she was able to see into the future and see those possibilities, the bad ones, if she wouldn’t come back, all this crisis and conflicts that my husband and I would have to face without her help. And even me, being in a situation after an emergency operation and still bleeding internally, still being in this process of dying, if she would not have come back and bought a little bit of time, so that we could connect to each other because she was obviously trying to reach out to me, because I was in a way, the only person that could change anything about it, because my husband actually didn’t blame me for anything. But I was blaming him. So actually, I was the only person that she had to reach to change the situation. And she did. And I think that’s a bonus that she gave our family to come back and explain every everything and try to change my mind. And that was not foreseen, I think this is what she actually did. Just out of love for us, to be honest, to help us. And at some point, I realized that maybe she was even thinking about her future siblings, because at that point, you might have seen those different possibilities on the other side and, and might have even realized that the life of future children depended on me, realizing all those insights that were lacking in my attitude at the point before dying. So I think actually, everything was planned with a probability of 99%. That’s my opinion. At that point, I’m of this opinion that nearly everything was already decided. And there was a little, little, little gap out of nowhere out of freewill in this little tiniest moment when I had this feeling of bliss and, and happiness and euphoria wash over me just right before getting up and and actually the accident taking place. And I think this little timeframe of euphoria might have been the only moment where I could have changed the whole setting and maybe this accident wouldn’t have happened. But it could have happened in another way or at another day. I don’t know. I think it was supposed to happen in at some point.
Brian Smith 23:16
Yeah, I think this is a fascinating subject. And people are very, very strong opinions one way or the other, on freewill versus things being predetermined. And there’s really good evidence for both and, and I and I know people in fact, I’m thinking of a friend right now who says, Well, you can’t have both. It’s got to be one or the other. And I’m really have the opinion it is somewhat but that’s
Alba Monn 23:39
not true. But that’s not true. Because with those six premonitions, sorry, with these six premonitions, it means to me that a lot of it was already going to happen anyway. So it was planned. But still, there was a little bit of freewill in it. So I would say maybe 1% of choice that was still left. And there wasn’t any any more freedom in this whole situation as I look at it now. And I think, too, I think to be honest, losing a child is, I think, the, the utmost complication in life that anyone could ever face. And I think it’s a spiritual test of some sort. And a lot of people feel that if they believe in God, they feel like God has deserted them or or disappointed them or even, yeah, maybe put them in a bad place because of something like that. And I want to say that I, I think it’s the other way around, I think as Dr. Kubler Ross put it, God is a great teacher, and we are all his students. And some of us just learn how to to read and write, and, you know, some of us are going to graduate soon. And some of us are writing their master’s degree at the point and some of them are busy with their PhD. And I think there’s nothing higher as a test that anyone could be put through than the loss of a child. And I think this is the ultimate PhD of the University of life. If you want to put it that way,
we’ll get back to grief to growth in just a few seconds. Did you know that Brian is an author and a life coach, if you’re grieving or know someone who is grieving his book, grief to growth is a best selling easy to read book that might help you or someone you know, people work with Brian as a life coach, to break through barriers and live their best lives. You can find out more about Brian and what he offers at WWW dot grief to growth.com www.gr IE F, the number two, gr o w th.com. If you’d like to support this podcast visit www.patreon.com/grieftogrowthwww.patareon.com/griefthenumbertwogrowthtomakeafinancialcontributionandnowbacktogrieftogrowthandithink.
Alba Monn 26:28
It’s it’s a question of why does it happen? I think that it isn’t just a coincidence. It’s not just a, you know, happening for no reason. But it is actually, God is trusting us with the hardest problem on earth that ever could occur. And he’s giving us this. I don’t know how to put it, it’s like it’s a bonus. He’s, he believes that we can face that situation and overcome it. So it’s, I think, a bonus trust from God, you know, in everyone who is facing the situation, and I think it’s a privilege, in a way, it’s it’s hard, and it’s difficult. And it must, at some point, must even feel impossible to overcome it. But healing is possible and overcoming the grief and overcoming the pain is possible. And I think it just means that God believes that we can do this, and we can get out of it in an in a good and healthy way. And, and healing is important. And I hope to make a contribution with my book, to people who are grieving for a loved one. It doesn’t have to be a child, but just grieving for someone that you have lost and and try to grasp what this means for the future in your life. And I hope to make a big difference in people’s lives with my book.
Brian Smith 28:06
Yeah, I think you will, I think you I think you definitely will. And it’s so as I was listening to you talk, I was thinking about a mother that I met with just a few days ago. And as a as parents and my daughter passed away when she was 15, you know, six years, six years ago? You know, the first question we always ask is why me? Why did this happen to me? And am I being punished? Did I do something wrong? Did I not have enough faith? You know, those types of questions. And I love the way that you just completely turn that around to the other the other. It’s more like, no, why not me and we’ve you know, the the way that you’ve taken this and you’ve grown from it, I think is inspiring to all of us. And hopefully parents that are listening to this will start to realize that it’s not a punishment, it’s not a bad thing. It’s not even a random thing. It’s not just didn’t just happen and, and your dreams show us that this this was in the cards for you. From the time, you know, probably before you came here that this was always going to be your path.
Alba Monn 29:10
Yeah, and something is also very important that I wanted to mention exactly this friend of mine that used to talk with me at the age of 12 years old. She was pregnant at the same time with her first child when I was pregnant with my third child already. So we even had the due date in the same week. And this was shocking to me that to realize that if she had been in my place, she would have died. Because when I came to the hospital after having some tests done, the midwife told me to go back home because my child would be fine. And there was nothing to worry about and only because I had already some experience as a mother, and it was my third child. I knew instantly that nothing was it as it was supposed to be, and there was no way I was leaving this room, and I told her, I’m not going to leave this room unless I have seen how my child is doing and I want an ultrasound, and I’m not going to leave without having got it. And this ultrasound was actually the reason for me to survive, because if I would have gone home, the doctors told me I would have bled to death within two hours. So if she would have been in my position, she would listen, she would have listened to these people, and gone home and died. And so I will never forget when she visited me with her pregnant belly, and I was in this ICU unit, just in intensive care. And she came to see me and it was such a relief to see that she was trusting my feelings as a friend enough to come and see me, because other friends told me, you know, on the phone, how can she even show up? If you have just lost your own child? And she has? Has her child still alive and kicking in her belly? I said, why shouldn’t she, you know, come to visit me because I was happy to see her and connect to her. And we even talked about it that she was happy that in a way that she could still see me and talk to me because she of course knew that I could have died instead of getting rescued in time. And so there’s a big bit of controversy controversy about this topic, and about what friends should do or not do. And in my book, I gave a lot of examples, what was helpful for my friends, and also some examples of things that didn’t help at all. And what I found is that anyone who visited me and told me what this loss should mean, to me, every single sentence about any religious or physical, philosophical interpretation of the loss of my child, it hurt me, as if someone would stir with a knife in an open wound. And at the point, then I just had this feeling that this was too much for me, if somebody would want to define what my fate should mean to myself, it felt like overbearing, and later on, I found that the problem that I had with it was actually just because people were trying to Yeah, to interpret my own relation to God, or to the future of my life, with their own mindset. And this was just something that I couldn’t accept at the moment when when it happened, and also not later on, understood that they meant well, but I wanted to be as there’s a saying to be the captain of your fate. I just didn’t want to have anyone meddle with what anything in my life should mean to me. And I definitely didn’t want for them to, to try to decide things for me.
Brian Smith 33:25
Yeah, yeah, I can definitely understand that. And one of the things I wanted to do, we talked before I started recording, I want to fill in a little bit. And I know there’s some some very, very personal details, so you tell as much or as little as you want. But we talked earlier, I wasn’t clear what type of accident you had that led to a rally in a being delivered early. So as much as you want, can you fill in what the accident was, I think it’s important as to where you are today in your life. So just go ahead and fill that in place.
Alba Monn 33:55
The accident happened at home. When I went to bed, it was pretty late. And my husband and my little toddler, my my other daughter was already asleep and he had forgotten to change her diaper. So I was trying to get him to you know, change her and just do his duty and he was too tired to do it. So I actually just stepped in and and I decided to get up and not just leave her like that. And when I was in the bathroom, and had changed her diaper, I just slipped and fell onto the side of the bathtub with my belly and with my whole body and unfortunately, the placenta was up front, on the belly outside. So if the placenta would have been at the backside of my uterus, nothing much would have happened. That’s what the doctors told me later on. It was just a combination of very unfortunate search circumstances, and I blacked out immediately. As I had hit the bathtub, and I fell down, and I was unconscious for some moments, but as, as soon as I could, I try to force myself to open my eyes because I heard my toddler cry. And I wanted to make sure nothing that happened to her. But I wasn’t even able to get up, I had so much pain, I wasn’t even able to sit up. So I had to, you know, reach out my hand and try to touch her to calm her down. And I was talking to her. And my husband came in and trying to find out what had happened because I had been screaming at the moment when I fell. And, and he took our daughter outside, but he didn’t know how to get to dress, I had told him, We must go to the hospital, and I need an ultrasound at once. But unfortunately, we have four doctors in my family. So I meant to say, Our child is in life danger, we have to get to the hospital, right now, please get our toddler dressed because she was just you know, in her nightgown. And in her pajamas. So I told him, just get her dressed. And we must go immediately and go to the clinic. And he just heard me say I want to go to the hospital, he didn’t have any idea why I had told him that our daughter wasn’t moving. But in his opinion, that didn’t mean much. Because, you know, sometimes babies in the belly just don’t move. So he didn’t make this connection to realize that we were in a life threatening situation. And I wasn’t even able to stand up. So I, I pulled myself up to the side of the bathtub trying to get up but I had to sit down. And my whole belly was absolutely hard, unnaturally hard. And the doctors told me later that this is something that happens when the placenta is pulled away from the uterus, the uterus has an instinct reaction to, to try to get as hard as possible to, you know, to save to trial. And when my husband came back in trying to get me outside, so that I would get our daughter dressed, I told him, I can’t do it, because I’m in too much pain. I told him I just fell and you know, I just can’t do it. I can even stand up. And he said, I don’t know which clothes to get for her and stuff like that. And I was getting angry with him. And I just told him take the take the the top one thing from every pile and you will get addressed in no time. And then he asked me can you do that? And at that point, I said just Where is she now? Don’t I hear a cry? And he said yes, she’s in the bedroom, I put her down on the, on our carpet on our soft carpet in front of the bed. And I said how could you leave a baby like a toddler at her age? How could you leave her in another room and just go and talk to me without taking her with you? You know, she’s in shock because I had been screaming. So we had this little conversation that was actually a discussion. And I told him just get her ready and and go back and get her in the car. And he felt that I was too unfriendly in my tone talking to him. So he slammed the door shut of the bathroom and he left. And
I heard my daughter cry. And I didn’t see what had happened to her if he if he was trying to console her or not. So I had this impression that he didn’t do much to console her because she was screaming in the other room. So I forced myself to get up and you know with my both hands on my belly because I was in a lot of pain. I was walking very very slowly to the bedroom and I’m trying to console my daughter and on my way there I heard that our front door was slammed shut and I was thinking maybe he went outside to to smoke a cigarette but I was calling for him and he didn’t respond. So I had to get my daughter ready. And when I was downstairs in the front of our house, I realized that our car was gone. I realized maybe he went out of the driveway so I even walked with my daughter out of the driveway to check if you were still just around the corner and there was no one there. And when I wanted to call him I realized that my phone was on the second floor in the bedroom and I had forgotten to take it with me. So I had To get upstairs again, still bleeding heavily internally. And I think that’s what was the reason why they couldn’t stop the bleeding in the first place because I had had too much pressure on my body in this situation. And I, I couldn’t really recover from it for hours, until after my nd when I had the second emergency operation, and that was the time when they actually stopped the bleeding and saved my life.
Brian Smith 40:32
So I know about that. And again, people can go back to the first interview, because there’s so much to cover here. But you were at that night, you were you were done, you’re planning on leaving your husband, and one of the lessons you learned from relia Was that was forgiveness. And so you did forgive your husband and your Are you still with him today?
Alba Monn 40:56
Yes, we are still married and together. And what I learned that night was that, of course, from my point of view, I was in anger and rage, I was full of hatred. When I was in this ICU, I was counting the minutes that everything had taken from the accident to my operation emergency operation in the hospital. And I didn’t, I didn’t know how to ever be able to forgive what had happened. And I was blaming my husband, from the bottom of my heart, I couldn’t ever imagine that there would be any reason how or why I should ever be able to forgive him. And in my near death experience, my daughter came to talk to me. And we had this long, telepathic discussion where she was constantly asking me to forgive him. And I had no idea why I should do that. And I didn’t see any consequences for myself or for my inner peace in the future, no matter if I would die. Or if I would survive, it was crucial for me to find inner peace, because otherwise, the whole time that I would have left of my life would be wasted because of these negative emotions. And talking to my child, I realized that her biggest argument in favor of my husband was that he didn’t have any bad intentions. So he his intentions were pure and good. He just hadn’t not realized what was going on. And that was when she told me maybe he didn’t do it on purpose. So this was the sentence that really tried to turn around my attitude. And it was in my best interest to forgive him, not only in his because it wasn’t something that I was doing as a favor for him. It was something that I was actually doing to save myself in this situation and my near death experience. I was in a spiritual life danger, because of all these accusations all this negative emotions against my husband, in the in the hour of my impending death. This meant that I would Yeah, I don’t know how to say it, I would waste my life, my life would be covered in these negative emotions forever. The purpose of my life would have never been fulfilled if I wouldn’t have been able to forgive him. And, of course, I didn’t realize that I was in life danger until in my near death experience. I had a situation when it was actually shown to me, unmistakeably, that my path was going to end right here right now, if I was not able to change something so profound, that it would change the course of my destiny. And this was forgiveness. I just realized it in this situation that only forgiveness has that power to change, not only the present situation, but also our view of the past and our possibilities in the future. And if you ask me, I think forgiveness is the one biggest sign of freedom being a free person and not having a ball and chain of bad emotions of accusations or hatred or, you know, anger against another human being. And being forced to take that with you every day of your life. This means imprisonment to me. And being able to forgive means freedom because without forgiveness, we are always bound together with the person that we can forgive It’s like a chain. It’s like a huge chain that that binds us together for the rest of our lives up until this point where one of us can forgive the other one, where, you know, hopefully both of them can forgive, but without forgiveness, we are imprisoned, spiritually and present.
Brian Smith 45:20
Yeah, about that, I think such such an important lesson. And you know, if anybody you know, and I think about people that have lost loved ones, and we blame the doctor, or we blame the person that sold our child drugs, we blame, you know, the, the worse, the drunk driver or whatever, we blame the other person. And we hold on to that, and we think it’s a righteous anger. And we think we have the right to carry that with us. But your near death experience so so so poignantly that we that’s not it’s not just not only our right, but it’s holding us back. And if you could forgive your husband, and that’s why what I thought was important to go into the accident, and why you were so angry. If you could forgive that the we should be able to forget pretty much anything.
Alba Monn 46:11
Yeah, that’s, that’s something that I found. Looking at it later on, I said to myself, why should I not forgive small mistakes of my husband or small events that that hurt me, if I was able to forgive him for that, I shouldn’t hesitate to forgive him for anything that happens later on. And something else that is important is that a lot of people who are be reef parents, they not only blame others, very often they blame themselves, saying maybe I should have done something different. Or in this situation, I shouldn’t have reacted this way, or I wasn’t the perfect parent that I wished I would have been for my child before it has passed. And the blessing that my near death experience was for me, was actually hearing it from my dying daughter, that she told me, she can forgive everything related to the circumstances of the accident, and everything that happened before that, and everything that happened later on. So I heard it from her personally. And it was such a big relief to know that she was at peace with the situation. And I think my daughter is not an exception. I think all this is children wish for their parents to know that they have forgiven them, no matter what had happened. On the other side, they are given all explanations, all the insight that is missing here on Earth, and they have understanding for us much more than we can ever imagine. And I think the biggest wish is for us to find peace with what had happened, know that they are fine that they are well and alive in eternity. And their only wishes for us to have a good life until we meet again. And they don’t doubt that we will meet again, it’s for them. It’s it’s a fact. And on the other hand, blaming ourselves, knowing that we could have done things differently is okay. But blaming ourselves means actually, we are repeating the hurt of the past. We are bringing it up in every single day in the present and also in the future if we are not able to forgive ourselves as we forgive others. And hearing my daughter telling me, you are free. I didn’t understand what she meant when she told me that. But later on in a book about family and family relations, I read that sentence and it was you are free. And then in brackets from guilt. And I realized that what my daughter had tried to tell me was that I am absolutely free of guilt, even though it was actually my mistake that led up to the accident. And up to the the fact that she had to die because she was so severely damaged physically from how this accident happened. And I want to stress something else about forgiveness. We always think forgiveness isn’t important. But thinking about the most important prayer, our Lord’s Prayer. If you believe in God, then it’s important to know our prayers. And in this prayer it says, God forgive us the way that we forgive others. And there is a spiritual law behind it. I think that God wants to forgive us everything. But if we are not willing to forgive others, it’s as if his possibilities are bound to the content of our own forgiveness. I can’t explain it differently than if you just have a very small cup and your cup is empty. You can’t ask for a full cup. from God, you have to fill your cup of forgiveness to the brim, as much as you can, you know, with the capacities that you have in life, and try to clean your heart, I can explain it in any different way, actually, not forgiving yourself or not forgiving somebody else. It’s like a stain on your clothes, a stain in your back. You can, you don’t see it, it doesn’t bother you, but everybody else sees it. And you have to try to get rid of it before your time is over and your life is gone. Because after that, I don’t think it’s so easy. I think life on Earth is the most important thing that we have. Because it’s our preparation for the life after this life. And if we don’t give our best in this life, I think it’s hard
to explain later on, when you have a life review, it’s hard to explain why we didn’t do any better. So I think all of us should just try to live our life to the fullest and give it everything that we have, especially trying to find forgiveness for ourselves and for others, because this is the only way to get rid of the stains of the past.
Brian Smith 51:17
Yeah, absolutely. Although we’re we’re out of time again, and I I so appreciate you coming back and and filling in some gaps for us and talking about the lessons of your Indie and being so generous and open with your experience. I know it’s going to touch a lot of people. And the book is out now. And the book is called Proof of eternity. It’s available on Amazon in Kindle format. And by the time this comes out, it should be out in paperback also. And the author his album on it’s a lb a mo n en. And that’ll be in the show notes. So as we wrap up any any last thing you want to say to the people that are listening?
Alba Monn 51:59
Well, first of all, for all the reef parents, our children are safe and fine, we don’t have to worry about them, we just have to worry about us. And it’s a blessing to have been together with our children in the first place. And I would like for every one who is grieving for a child that has passed. Just think of the good times that you had together. Try to keep up the things that your child loved. Try to give the good that you have touched with your child in your life and in a lot of other people’s lives. And try to put that into the future in a in a way that your child is honored by it and try to see the good of the past and continue on because our children wait for us to do the best we can until we are united again.
Brian Smith 52:52
Absolutely thank you so much all but you have a great rest of your day.
Alba Monn 52:56
You too. Thank you for having me.
Brian Smith 52:59
So that does it for another episode of grief to growth. I sure hope you enjoyed it. If you like this content, make sure you subscribe, so click on the subscribe button here and then click on the bell to receive notifications and click on all that way you’ll be notified whenever I release new content. Thanks for watching and have a great day.
Transcribed by https://otter.ai
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